Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 51)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 51 of 122

1. Look, I just... I don't understand what is preventing you from laughing this off and giving me a big hug.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17117

2. Come on. [starts to climb onto the bed with meredith.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17119

3. Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17122

4. OK, you know what? Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack. She going to be fine, so let's just...

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17141

5. Sprinkles?

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17143

6. Oh, sh... I'm sorry Angela. Man what a day huh? How could it get any worse? Her computer crashes with the porn, and then Meredith with the accident, and then... Sprinkles! God, that's 3 things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed, and we need to do something about it.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17145

7. Well, I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but... I'm... I am a little-stitious.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17146

8. Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground?

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17147

9. Like park on it. Or dig up a body... Toby? Anything you want to tell us?

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17149

10. Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17153

11. Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17159

12. Well, I think you should go to the hospital, and pay your respects.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17161

13. Alright, I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17163

14. Satan is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17165

15. Thank you for the permission. Psych! Alright let's just go around the room, and tell me what you believe in.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17167

16. OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17169

17. Alright.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17171

18. Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17179

19. Are you sure?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17181

20. What are you?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17183

21. OK, 1 Sikh, and...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17185

22. You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense... God is dead.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17200

23. Maybe believing in God was the mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we could make a sacrifice too. Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with, ah... the body of a porcupine.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17202

24. Oh God, Rabies?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17206

25. I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that, is that like an STD?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17208

26. This place is so cursed.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17210

27. I know a lot of you are upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her, with my car. But it may make you feel a little better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life, by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17212

28. Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me she went to the hospital and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken people! Oh... there is a God, and he has a plan for us after all. So go home get some rest, very very good work today. We got a lot accomplished.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17214

29. Is there a God? If not, what are all the churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17215

30. Pro-Am.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17219

31. A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17221

32. Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17223

33. Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17225

34. That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17227

35. Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17229

36. Yes.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17231

37. OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17233

38. Alright, alright.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17235

39. Shhh...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17237

40. I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17239

41. OK, well back in olden times, a large fat person, like this, was a person of power. A person who had money, could buy food, person of respect. Like the regional manager of the day. Whereas, someone athletic and trim, like myself, was someone who worked in the fields... And I was a peasant.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17241

42. Well, you're going to have to run, or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. It is not olden times anymore.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17243

43. We have raised, almost $700.00, most of it from me and Jan. Um... when do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17282

44. Hmm... That's a tough decision. Um... I always imagined it with a giant check. So...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17284

45. Yep.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17288

46. You didn't contribute very much. I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. And how's that been going?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17292

47. What about a rabies nurse?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17296

48. That's possible. Look into that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17299

49. Have you met that kid? He's not going to college.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17302

50. Come in.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17304

51. Hey, hey, hey

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17306

52. What are you doing?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17308

53. No I didn't, just please don't...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17310

54. May I enter the room?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17319

55. See how I did that. That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and then you wait for the all clear.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17321

56. Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17323

57. European offices are naked all the time.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17325

58. Besides my shirt tail covered most of it so...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17327

59. That's not gross, it is the human body. What is your problem? Pam you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models. OK, you know what, I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today, it's not fair to people with rabies. And that's the point, right? OK, let's go have some fun.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17330

60. Check that out. Look at me, I'm Toby, I'm stretching, I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17340

61. OK everybody, listen up. Thank you for coming. Before we get started I wanted to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer. And it is something... Darryl what are you doing.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17344

62. No, don't give him... just, did you hear anything I said?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17346

63. He's happy because he's insane. You know what, that's the perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate. Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17348

64. Oh hey, I know you... Elizabeth?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17350

65. Right? Wow, very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check, for $340.00 made out to science. Make sure that, that gets into the right hands.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17352

66. You got it?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17354

67. OK, fettuccine alfredo, time to carbo-load.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17356

68. Just remember folks, it's not about winning, it is about finishing.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17357

69. Beow!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17359

70. On your left!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17361

71. I am fast! I'm very fast! I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17364

72. No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water... solidarity!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17371

73. Rabies victims... have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. So... least I could do.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17373

74. That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17381

75. Excellent! ...Simpsons. Wait, Imodium or Ex-lax?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17383

76. Oh God, Oh, alfredo sauce. I'm getting a stitch.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17393

77. Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17420

78. I am not going to finish. I can't beat rabies. Nobody can beat rabies, rabies has been around for a thousand years. I was a fool to think that I could beat it.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17430

79. I can't finish. I feel so weak, I just...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17434

80. What do you want me to do Jim?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17436

81. No, There are people all over the world, who have all sorts of problems and afflictions, and diseases. They're deformed, and they're abnormal, and... they're illiterate and ugly. Symphonies don't have any money. Public TV is bust. I can't do anything about it, I can't... you know. There's just one of me, and there's a thousand of them. And rabies wins.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17438

82. That's a good deal.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17443

83. Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17445

84. You just don't think I am capable, of making a difference.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17447

85. You don't, you don't know me. You've just seen my penis. I can make a difference, remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off by hitting Meredith with my car. And I owe it to her to finish this... GD 5k No, no!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17449

86. Finishing that 5k, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I ate more fettuccine alfredo and drank less water, than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit, well today I had a triumph of the human body. That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts and my heart, and while I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. And I'm very, very proud of that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17450

87. Hey Mer. How ya doing?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17452

88. It's ironic isn't it? I mean I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water, and you're in it for a disease that causes the fear of water.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17454

89. Thanks, I'm not mad at you anymore. Wanna share?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17456

90. I'm not really sick. Nah, I'm good.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17458

91. Did you ever think of this? Would a sober person walk in front of a car?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17459

92. Well...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17462

93. That's not...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17467

94. That's not what...no, no, I'm not saying that, that's disgusting.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17469

95. I am saying... that... maybe I was drunk. Did you ever think of that?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17472

96. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17476

97. Maybe she hit me. You ever think of that? She hit me? I don't know whose fault it was. I wasn't exactly looking at the road.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17477

98. You know what, why don't go around the room and say one memory of Meredith. I'll start. I liked her jumpers. They reminded me of Kindergarten. Jim?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17485

99. Hey! Okay, okay, okay, You can just close that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17488

100. Let's just... Why can't you just forgive... Why, why are you having such a hard time laughing this off? How do you know that you weren't born with some sort of abnormal pelvis that it was just bound to crack at some point?

     Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17491