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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 51)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 51 of 122

  1. Look, I just... I don't understand what is preventing you from laughing this off and giving me a big hug.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17117

  2. Come on. [starts to climb onto the bed with meredith.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17119

  3. Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17122

  4. OK, you know what? Everybody, let's just get over the whole Meredith thing. She cracked her pelvis, a tiny little crack. She going to be fine, so let's just...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17141

  5. Sprinkles?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17143

  6. Oh, sh... I'm sorry Angela. Man what a day huh? How could it get any worse? Her computer crashes with the porn, and then Meredith with the accident, and then... Sprinkles! God, that's 3 things. I'll tell you what's going on. This office is cursed, and we need to do something about it.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17145

  7. Well, I am taking responsibility. It is up to me to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but... I'm... I am a little-stitious.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17146

  8. Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17147

  9. Like park on it. Or dig up a body... Toby? Anything you want to tell us?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17149

  10. Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17153

  11. Dwight, you haven't seen Meredith yet, have you?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17159

  12. Well, I think you should go to the hospital, and pay your respects.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17161

  13. Alright, I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17163

  14. Satan is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17165

  15. Thank you for the permission. Psych! Alright let's just go around the room, and tell me what you believe in.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17167

  16. OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17169

  17. Alright.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17171

  18. Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17179

  19. Are you sure?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17181

  20. What are you?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17183

  21. OK, 1 Sikh, and...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17185

  22. You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you, and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense... God is dead.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17200

  23. Maybe believing in God was the mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun? Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we could make a sacrifice too. Like a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret with the head of a meerkat. Or just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with, ah... the body of a porcupine.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17202

  24. Oh God, Rabies?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17206

  25. I was in the hospital room with her. How contagious is that, is that like an STD?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17208

  26. This place is so cursed.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17210

  27. I know a lot of you are upset with me for endangering Meredith's life by hitting her, with my car. But it may make you feel a little better to know that before that happened, Dwight endangered her life, by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17212

  28. Turns out Meredith has been exposed to rabies. Which is like 10 times worse than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me she went to the hospital and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken people! Oh... there is a God, and he has a plan for us after all. So go home get some rest, very very good work today. We got a lot accomplished.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17214

  29. Is there a God? If not, what are all the churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17215

  30. Pro-Am.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17219

  31. A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car, to learn that she may have rabies. But that is where we are in America. And that does not sit right with me. And that is why I'm hosting a fun run race for the cure for rabies. To raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies. A disease that has largely been eradicated in the US. But not very many people know that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17221

  32. Hi Stanley, how many sponsors so far?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17223

  33. Come on man, gotta step it up! It's for a good cause. Jan called this morning and pledged $500.00.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17225

  34. That... is for a good cause. Phyllis, how's the rabies quilt coming?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17227

  35. Oh, look at that, 3. Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17229

  36. Yes.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17231

  37. OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17233

  38. Alright, alright.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17235

  39. Shhh...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17237

  40. I know that you're probably scared of people seeing your fat legs in shorts.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17239

  41. OK, well back in olden times, a large fat person, like this, was a person of power. A person who had money, could buy food, person of respect. Like the regional manager of the day. Whereas, someone athletic and trim, like myself, was someone who worked in the fields... And I was a peasant.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17241

  42. Well, you're going to have to run, or you're going to be in a lot of trouble. It is not olden times anymore.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17243

  43. We have raised, almost $700.00, most of it from me and Jan. Um... when do they put that on the giant check? Or is that something that we write in later?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17282

  44. Hmm... That's a tough decision. Um... I always imagined it with a giant check. So...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17284

  45. Yep.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17288

  46. You didn't contribute very much. I was also hoping to hand the giant check to a rabies doctor. And how's that been going?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17292

  47. What about a rabies nurse?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17296

  48. That's possible. Look into that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17299

  49. Have you met that kid? He's not going to college.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17302

  50. Come in.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17304

  51. Hey, hey, hey

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17306

  52. What are you doing?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17308

  53. No I didn't, just please don't...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17310

  54. May I enter the room?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17319

  55. See how I did that. That's the way you should enter a room. You knock and then you wait for the all clear.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17321

  56. Yes, but I have an office, so why would I do that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17323

  57. European offices are naked all the time.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17325

  58. Besides my shirt tail covered most of it so...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17327

  59. That's not gross, it is the human body. What is your problem? Pam you're an artist, right? Think of me as one of your models. OK, you know what, I don't want this to detract from what we really need to be thinking about today, it's not fair to people with rabies. And that's the point, right? OK, let's go have some fun.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17330

  60. Check that out. Look at me, I'm Toby, I'm stretching, I know what I'm doing. Why is he even here?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17340

  61. OK everybody, listen up. Thank you for coming. Before we get started I wanted to say a few words about this deadly disease called rabies. And I'd like you to take a look into the face of rabies. That should scare you. It scares me. You people need to educate yourselves. Myth: 3 Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: 4 Americans every year die from rabies. How many of you know someone who has been afflicted or affected by rabies? Show of hands. One, two, three... too many to count. It is truly the silent killer. No, it is the foaming barking killer. And it is something... Darryl what are you doing.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17344

  62. No, don't give him... just, did you hear anything I said?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17346

  63. He's happy because he's insane. You know what, that's the perfect example of the kind of awareness we need to generate. Where's the nurse? This is the reason we're here.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17348

  64. Oh hey, I know you... Elizabeth?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17350

  65. Right? Wow, very cool you went back and got your degree. I would like you to accept this check, for $340.00 made out to science. Make sure that, that gets into the right hands.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17352

  66. You got it?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17354

  67. OK, fettuccine alfredo, time to carbo-load.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17356

  68. Just remember folks, it's not about winning, it is about finishing.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17357

  69. Beow!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17359

  70. On your left!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17361

  71. I am fast! I'm very fast! I'm like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17364

  72. No, no water for me. Not while rabies causes fear of water... solidarity!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17371

  73. Rabies victims... have to live with an irrational hatred of water their entire lives. So... least I could do.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17373

  74. That fettuccine is sitting in my stomach like a rock.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17381

  75. Excellent! ...Simpsons. Wait, Imodium or Ex-lax?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17383

  76. Oh God, Oh, alfredo sauce. I'm getting a stitch.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17393

  77. Take bat bites seriously. Don't get bit.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17420

  78. I am not going to finish. I can't beat rabies. Nobody can beat rabies, rabies has been around for a thousand years. I was a fool to think that I could beat it.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17430

  79. I can't finish. I feel so weak, I just...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17434

  80. What do you want me to do Jim?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17436

  81. No, There are people all over the world, who have all sorts of problems and afflictions, and diseases. They're deformed, and they're abnormal, and... they're illiterate and ugly. Symphonies don't have any money. Public TV is bust. I can't do anything about it, I can't... you know. There's just one of me, and there's a thousand of them. And rabies wins.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17438

  82. That's a good deal.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17443

  83. Pam, if everybody felt that way, nothing would get done.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17445

  84. You just don't think I am capable, of making a difference.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17447

  85. You don't, you don't know me. You've just seen my penis. I can make a difference, remember, I'm the one who started this whole thing off by hitting Meredith with my car. And I owe it to her to finish this... GD 5k No, no!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17449

  86. Finishing that 5k, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I ate more fettuccine alfredo and drank less water, than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit, well today I had a triumph of the human body. That's why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts and my heart, and while I eventually puked my guts out, I never puked my heart out. And I'm very, very proud of that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17450

  87. Hey Mer. How ya doing?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17452

  88. It's ironic isn't it? I mean I'm in the hospital for not getting enough water, and you're in it for a disease that causes the fear of water.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17454

  89. Thanks, I'm not mad at you anymore. Wanna share?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17456

  90. I'm not really sick. Nah, I'm good.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17458

  91. Did you ever think of this? Would a sober person walk in front of a car?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17459

  92. Well...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17462

  93. That's not...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17467

  94. That's not what...no, no, I'm not saying that, that's disgusting.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17469

  95. I am saying... that... maybe I was drunk. Did you ever think of that?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17472

  96. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17476

  97. Maybe she hit me. You ever think of that? She hit me? I don't know whose fault it was. I wasn't exactly looking at the road.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17477

  98. You know what, why don't go around the room and say one memory of Meredith. I'll start. I liked her jumpers. They reminded me of Kindergarten. Jim?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17485

  99. Hey! Okay, okay, okay, You can just close that.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17488

  100. Let's just... Why can't you just forgive... Why, why are you having such a hard time laughing this off? How do you know that you weren't born with some sort of abnormal pelvis that it was just bound to crack at some point?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17491