thedundies.com

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 48)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 48 of 122

  1. OK, everybody out. Out. Out. Out. OK.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16079

  2. To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16080

  3. And Gromit. Jan? Is Jan there?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16082

  4. Oh, you sigh like Jan. I broke Jan's heart, David, and it was awful. It was... It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes...

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16084

  5. ...you just gots to get your freak on.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16086

  6. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16088

  7. Hmmm.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16090

  8. Really?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16092

  9. Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16094

  10. May God guide you in your quest.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16096

  11. OK, everybody have their towels and swim suits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16098

  12. Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16100

  13. Well, you can't swim in leather pants. I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16102

  14. Oh, you know what? Uh, you're not going.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16104

  15. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby. We... um... Somebody has to stay here.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16106

  16. I want today to be a beautiful memory... that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it... then it'll suck.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16107

  17. Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16112

  18. We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people's character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16114

  19. What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16115

  20. I want you to write down everything that people are doing all day. And then type it up, in a way that is helpful. Alright?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16117

  21. This way to the partay bus.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16119

  22. Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16122

  23. If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16124

  24. Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16126

  25. Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm's turning people off.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16128

  26. Well, Hey Pam, did you get that down?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16130

  27. Like everything I said and everything they did and... Just don't...

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16132

  28. Well write it down before you forget it. That's... You've just been drawing pictures. Rrrr. I can't stay mad at you.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16134

  29. Here we are ladies and gentlemen. Everybody ready? Last one down is a rotten egg. Watch out for snakes!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16135

  30. Alright, find a cozy spot. Everybody settle in. OK, everybody up! Circle 'round. Let us play some games. We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton. America's eighth largest indigenous body of water. It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge. One day, 14 strangers who work together, but only one survivor.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16137

  31. Just words. Inspiring words. Not a contender. For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16139

  32. Choose your tribes. Except for Pam. Not Pam.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16141

  33. Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16142

  34. I'm not playing.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16144

  35. Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16146

  36. We are going to choose team names. Dwight?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16147

  37. Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok... Stanley, your team name?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16155

  38. Then I will name your team the Red team.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16157

  39. I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done. For America.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16159

  40. Very good. Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16161

  41. Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16162

  42. It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16163

  43. Shh... The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16165

  44. Pam...you're missing things.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16189

  45. Okay Pam, I have another little project for you.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16192

  46. Smart as a whip! Yes! These are pre-cooked, so it's not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16194

  47. Like umm...ten minutes?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16196

  48. Thanks a bunch.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16198

  49. A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16199

  50. OK, who's hungry No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16200

  51. No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16202

  52. Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease... Let's just... OK, it's very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16205

  53. No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16207

  54. Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16208

  55. I can't say.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16210

  56. The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16212

  57. The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I'm interviewing for a job at corporate. And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it. Alright?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16214

  58. I didn't want to tell anyway. I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don't know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16216

  59. Word. There we go. Let's see it.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16219

  60. Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16221

  61. 13 hot dogs, everybody!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16224

  62. It's very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16232

  63. Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It's alright. It's alright. Here we go.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16234

  64. Aaaaaand, go!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16236

  65. Nice, Stanley!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16240

  66. One. Two. Three.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16246

  67. Excellent!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16248

  68. I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Ah... who's ahead in points?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16263

  69. Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16265

  70. Please just check.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16267

  71. What does a great manager need most of all? Courage.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16279

  72. Your loss, Stanley. Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear and creating a lasting memory. Walking through FIRE!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16281

  73. Who among you has the guts to replace me? Let him walk across these coals.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16282

  74. No. No, not you, Pam. You have to keep score.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16287

  75. Pointless.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16289

  76. Blah, blah, blee blup, blup, okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you're up.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16291

  77. Ji.. why not? C'mon.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16293

  78. You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16295

  79. Who's next? Andy? Where's Andy? Andy is never here today.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16297

  80. Because I already did. Remember? I burned my foot on a George Foreman grill.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16300

  81. Alright. Okay. Alright. Fine. 'kay. The mind has to wrap around the foot. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16302

  82. Yes. Count to three, please.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16304

  83. Count the other way. Count... no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16306

  84. Wait! Am I going on go? Or am I going on three?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16308

  85. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16310

  86. Don't, don't.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16313

  87. I'm not going to give it to you.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16317

  88. Being the boss is also about image. I've never looked like that. That was gross. I just, I don't see the connection between a firewalk and management. Worst seventy-five bucks I ever spent. You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. 'Outside Hire.'

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16322

  89. Yeah. Ummm, hmm... True. Look, I don't want to leave this branch that I love to an outside hire therefore we are going to have a one hundred point winner take all sudden death tribal council round. To test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important, something I call the Bob Hope factor.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16324

  90. God! He's a comedian.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16326

  91. Who's Amanda Bynes?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16328

  92. Oh, I love that movie. Yes, Kelly is right, the person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope. So without further ado, Jim and Dwight show us what you got.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16330

  93. You are being too modest.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16332

  94. Hhhh... okay. That is not funny. I am deducting sixty points from Voldemort for false pretenses. Okay, Dwight your turn. Wow us.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16334

  95. That is a very, very funny story.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16338

  96. Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16340

  97. WWWWIIIILLLLMMMMAAAA!

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16342

  98. So we have about an hour and a half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the party bus. Fun on wheels. Only way to travel. Besides a monorail.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16344

  99. No. No, no, no. No guests today. Classic gang only. Just us good friends, and Karen and Andy.

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16346

  100. Pam, you broke up with your boyfriend and then kept working together. How did that work out?

    Season 3 · Episode 22 · Line 16350