thedundies.com

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 50)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 50 of 122

  1. Wait, wait. Check one more time.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16680

  2. Very good

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16682

  3. Yes, indeed.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16684

  4. So, I guess we're getting back together.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16686

  5. Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16688

  6. Here's the sitch. Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly. We didn't connect, I was miserable. Now, I'm in the best relationship of my life with the same woman. Love is a mystery.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16689

  7. Hey, everybody. The next time you see me, I'll be working for corporate. Starting tomorrow, Dwight Schrute will be running the branch. So without further ado, I would like to start saying my goodbyes Okay. Goodnight, and good luck.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16695

  8. How are you guys doing? Need anything?

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16705

  9. I have been here a bunch of times, so I know where everything is, know everybody's names. If you need to know somebody's name, just ask me.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16707

  10. That

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16709

  11. Mm-hmm.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16711

  12. No, no, no, just... that's not his real name. That's just what I call him, so...

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16713

  13. I am by far the most qualified person they're interviewing. Jim and Karen are here, which is cute. They're like, kid actors tagging along with daddy, on the big audition, hoping to be discovered. Except daddy... is the best actor around. Daddy is Meryl Streep.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16714

  14. Hey! Hunter! Wha's up my brutha? This is Hunter, secretary extraordinaire.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16721

  15. Jan in yet?

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16723

  16. Could you give her a message for me, when she gets in?

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16725

  17. Just say, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16727

  18. Oh, and Hunter? Could you tell her, 'Brbrbrbrbr!' also?

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16729

  19. Hello, hello!

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16743

  20. Good to see you. Here are the post-merger performance stats that you asked for.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16745

  21. Why don't I tell you what my greatest weaknesses are? I work too hard. I care too much. And sometimes I can be too invested in my job.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16747

  22. Well, my weaknesses are actually... strengths.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16749

  23. Thank you.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16751

  24. I've never been a big fan of the name Dunder Mifflin. I was thinking we could name the company something like, 'Paper Great. Where great paper is our passion. We're GRRRRRRRRRREAT!' I don't know, could be good. Or, uh, 'Super Duper Paper. It's super duper.' I don't know, something like that.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16772

  25. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16774

  26. Thank you.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16776

  27. It is always a treat when

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16778

  28. Yes. And I am very excited about the prospect of working under her... or on top of her. Mm, that's not sexual, just... we're all professionals.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16780

  29. I don't understand. So, we're gonna tag team it?

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16782

  30. Hey.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16817

  31. Pretty good.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16819

  32. Could have gone better I guess.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16821

  33. Cool. Maybe you should do it sooner rather than later.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16823

  34. Daaah, let's just run away together. Let's just run away to Jamaica and live in a bungalow. You have some savings right? You could pay off my debts. It would... be fine. We'd have fun.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16825

  35. I can't tell you.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16827

  36. Wuuuoooh, hey, whoa, Jan---

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16836

  37. Hey!

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16843

  38. No--- We're all unstable.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16845

  39. David, I did not tell her.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16847

  40. So, I am gonna... give her a ride home. Let me know about the job.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16858

  41. Good, I'm glad we're on the same page. I have a lot of ideas for new directions.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16860

  42. You know what? That... is actually good... because, um, I don't think I could take... my girlfriend's job. That's not being a good boyfriend. So, I respectfully withdraw my name from consideration. Do you accept my withdrawal?

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16862

  43. Good. Very good. I'm glad we are finally on the same page. Still have my job in Scranton, though.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16864

  44. Good. That's all I ever wanted. These two. Either one of them... excellent candidates.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16866

  45. I know. I know, I'm sorry about that. That was terrible.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16879

  46. Well, it's... No, don't cry, it's gonna be OK.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16881

  47. I don't know. Well I guess... you could come and stay at my condo. I think I could back out of the sale. Probably get some negative feedback on my eBay profile.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16883

  48. I'll be baaaaack! And I am baaaack!

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16885

  49. No. No, Pam. I'm baaaaaack! For gooood! Kevin Nealon.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16887

  50. Everybody, may I have your attention please? It is with great honor and privilege that I announce to you that I have officially withdrawn my name for consideration from the corporate job. I know, I know, I know. 'Michael, what are you thinking? You were a shoe in.' Well, got down there. I nailed the interview. And the strangest thing happened. Why is my office black?

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16888

  51. That's stupid.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16890

  52. You shouldn't have taken it. Bad management! Good thing I'm baaaaaack. Ryan, coffee.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16892

  53. No, it's for me, bimbo. Kids.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16894

  54. So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere. This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16895

  55. Back to work. Still waitin' on that coffee.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16897

  56. Well, I've actually done a lot of thinking about that. And in ten years, I am living in a big house, with my kids. And in this house we have screens on the walls that have famous art on them and I have a remote that works everything, that has like a belt-loop attachment, or in my ear, like a gluetooth. And, because it's the future, I can take just a little tiny pill and get all my vitamins for the whole day.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16937

  57. Well, I don't know what it's gonna be called, but... my point is, the future of this company is now. And the future... is me.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16939

  58. Jan got fired. And I realized that I could not work for a company that would fire my girlfriend. But more than that, I realized that... I couldn't take a job that would take me away from this place. This is where I belong. This is... my home. And home is where the hardest.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16941

  59. Heart is. That makes a lot more sense. You think they'd help each other out like that at corporate? I think not!

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16943

  60. New York real estate. I started by looking for a brownstone, like the Huxtables had, but instead I found this very, very, nice place in Jamaica, Queens, mon. It is on the last stop of the subway, which is wonderful, because if I fall asleep, I still end up at home. It is a suh-weeeet one bedroom. I have a roommate, uh, Vijay Chokalingham, he's a sophomore at Queens College. He actually works in the Indian restaurant right below the apartment, so... free food, and the place always smells like curry. So, win/win.

    Season 3 · Episode 23 · Line 16971

  61. Ok, well I did not get the job in New York, but I got the real prize, domestic bliss. Jan made me breakfast this morning... well she bought the milk. It's soy. This is why I do it, that's what I have to come home to. She probably won't be up for a few hours.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 16972

  62. This is going to be a very good year. Very good. Jan is at home. Jim is back. My protege Ryan is at corporate. Good stuff. Um... Andy and Dwight are rockin' the sales team. I feel very blessed.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 16973

  63. Ladies and Gentlemen. I have some bad news. Meredith was hit by a car.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 16994

  64. It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could... And she is going to be OK.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 16997

  65. Yes. She has a slight pelvical fracture, but, ah... people have survived far worse.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17000

  66. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17002

  67. Gah. Kind of a good news bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly because I was in the car that hit her.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17005

  68. Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God. But did you see the way they looked at me? Like I was a murderer or something.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17010

  69. It was an accident.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17012

  70. No.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17014

  71. My lord my liege.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17035

  72. So Ryan got promoted to corporate, where he is a little fish in a big pond. Whereas back here in Scranton I am still top dog, in a fairly large pond. So who is the real boss? The dog or a fish?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17037

  73. So I need a little treat for the gang. Something to win their affections back.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17038

  74. Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17040

  75. No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely. Tiny little crack in her pelvis. But she will be up in...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17042

  76. Yes. It was on company property, with company property, so... double jeopardy, we are fine.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17044

  77. Oh, right, I'm sorry. What is: we are fine?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17046

  78. Ok, I have an announcement.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17060

  79. No.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17062

  80. No! That is not funny, I love my employees, even thought I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy, and onto more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17064

  81. So, like a freedom tree.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17067

  82. Pam.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17071

  83. Pam.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17073

  84. Ok, good good, so we'll just all go down there together at lunch.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17075

  85. Excellent!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17077

  86. Good work Pam.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17079

  87. Yaaaaaay, Pam! Alright, since I am the boss I will drive as well. Who wants shotgun?

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17081

  88. Everyone inside the car was fine, Stanley!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17083

  89. Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17084

  90. Eww. I hate hospitals. In my mind they are associated with sickness. Oh... She looks like an angel.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17085

  91. No... OK, she always looks like that... That is not my fault.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17087

  92. No... She's in a coma.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17089

  93. OK... Meredith, Ooooohhhhh. I brought all your friends from the office dear.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17091

  94. Yeah.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17093

  95. Brought you some balloons. Why don't we... here you go. Tie these up, cheer up your tubes... Oh! Shhhh... For God's sake!

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17096

  96. Nurse.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17098

  97. I am going to be sick... I'm gonna puke.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17100

  98. Oh, OK... Wait up, wait up, guys guys guys, hold on a second. You know what I was thinking might be sort of fun? Is if you forgave me in front of everybody.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17111

  99. Cause you know what they say in the Bible about forgiveness? Forgiveness is next to Godliness.

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17113

  100. Well, just shhhh... just just...

    Season 4 · Episode 1 · Line 17115