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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 33)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 33 of 122

  1. You might think that I am kidding, and I understand that.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10184

  2. Because, Dwight... never lies.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10188

  3. Because that's all it takes.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10190

  4. Ok, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody... about loyalty?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10191

  5. Oh, I'll be fine.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10194

  6. No, no, I don't, but---

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10196

  7. I... won't. I won't.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10198

  8. Well, I guess it's time, that I turn over the keys, to the famous Sebring.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10221

  9. It's a corporate lease Dwight, you've earned it.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10223

  10. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10225

  11. But you said you liked it. You've always admired it.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10227

  12. Take it back.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10229

  13. That's my car.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10231

  14. THAT'S MY CAR.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10233

  15. I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10235

  16. Jan called me about your little meeting!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10237

  17. I know, what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10239

  18. Oh do you? Do you like the Sebring--- HOW DARE YOU?! How dare you, Dwight?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10241

  19. Give me one good reason why I should fire you RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT?!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10243

  20. Not. Good. Enough!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10245

  21. I have a laundry machine!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10247

  22. I don't know if I can trust you anymore.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10249

  23. You can get up. Get up. And you can hug it out, bitch.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10251

  24. Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just... let it go. And walk away. And they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found. It doesn't translate.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10252

  25. Yep. Yeah, we hugged it out. But, it turns out, I was still a little angry. So, I felt I needed to punish him, just a little bit more, and I'm making him do my laundry for a year.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10255

  26. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10256

  27. It is not your business, Dwight.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10258

  28. What do you know about management, Dwight?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10260

  29. I'm not firing anyone.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10262

  30. ... What?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10264

  31. Okay. Here we go. Everybody, you know what? It dawned on me we were all in there watching a movie together before we were so rudely interrupted, Let's get back in there. Come on. Movie Monday! Come on, Stanley let's go.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10266

  32. Ryan?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10268

  33. Okay, well, we had scheduled this time to watch a movie together, so I guess I will just go play some online Scrabble.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10270

  34. So, she sleeps with him, but she is still in love with the head surgeon, um, the McDreamy guy, and she starts crying, but the dorky doctor, he's in love with her...

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10274

  35. Really?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10276

  36. Hey Ryan, can I get you a pencil from the warehouse?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10288

  37. Oh, it's okay, I'm going down.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10290

  38. All right, I'll be right back.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10292

  39. There you go.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10294

  40. You're welcome.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10297

  41. Don't mind if I do. See you in a minute.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10299

  42. There you go, fresh from the warehouse.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10301

  43. There's coffee in the kitchen, Pam.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10303

  44. All right. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10306

  45. I am like Bette Midler in For the Boys. Gotta keep the troops entertained.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10307

  46. All right.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10309

  47. Oookay. Let me see if I have his cell. Is this the only reason you are calling, Jan? Or does somebody miss me?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10311

  48. Oh, wow.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10313

  49. Attention, everybody. I just received a call from corporate with some news they felt that I should know first. My old boss Ed Truck has died.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10314

  50. Yes, I am. It's very sad. Because he was my boss.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10316

  51. That's right, you worked with him. So did Creed. Well, I'll be in my office in case anybody wants to drop by. Cheer me up.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10318

  52. So did you hear the news?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10319

  53. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10321

  54. Oh, gosh, what can anybody do, really? It's... pssssh... . He was almost 70. Circle of life.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10323

  55. [holds out arms to Pam]

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10325

  56. Yeah. Mmmmmm.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10327

  57. Yeah. Must really have you thinkin'.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10342

  58. The older you get, the bigger the chance is you're gonna die. You knew that.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10344

  59. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10346

  60. Oh my God.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10349

  61. That is just not the way a Dunder Mifflin manager should go, I'm sorry. Alone, out of the blue, and not even have his own head to comfort him.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10354

  62. So, I'm not exactly sure how to say this...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10355

  63. What are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10357

  64. I didn't... he was driving on the road and he went under a truck. And that's when his head was separated from the rest of him. And I will let you know more as soon as I find out.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10359

  65. I don't understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn't even work here.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10365

  66. You really don't get it, do you? You don't understand these people. That is the last thing that they would want is a day off.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10367

  67. A statue.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10369

  68. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10371

  69. Well, I think it would be very realistic, it would look just like him.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10373

  70. We could have his eyes light up, we could have his arms move...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10375

  71. I think that is a great way to honor Ed.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10377

  72. Life-size.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10379

  73. Well, we are talking about how to properly honor a man who gave his life as regional manager of this company, Jan.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10382

  74. Mm hm.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10384

  75. Oh do you? You know who wished they could get back to work is Ed Truck.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10386

  76. But Ed truck can't because he is---

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10388

  77. DEAD.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10390

  78. That's perfect.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10392

  79. Oohh... can you imagine how much blood there was? If it happened right here, it would reach all the way to reception. Probably get on Pam.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10408

  80. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10410

  81. Well, you know what? I didn't wanna hear about it either, Stanley, but I did and now I can't stop picturing it. He leaves work, he's on his way home... wham! His cappa is detated from his head!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10412

  82. Well, you know what? There's something wrong with you. There is something wrong with everybody in here. Because we have lost a member of our family and you don't wanna talk about it, you don't wanna think about it, you just wanna get back to work!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10414

  83. There are five stages to grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they're all denying the fact that they're sad. And that's hard. And it's making them all angry. And it is my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I'll have done my job.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10415

  84. I am going to throw you this ball. When you catch the ball, I want you to say the name of a person very important to you, somebody really special who died, and then I want you to say how they died, and you may cry if you like, that is encouraged. Let me just start. Let me show you how this works. I catch the ball. I lost Ed Truck. And... it feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer... and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I am terribly, terribly... terribly alone.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10416

  85. Okay, fine. Hurry back.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10418

  86. Okay, we can start. Um...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10428

  87. Yeah. Pam, you're a member of this family. So we will wait for our family members. Phyllis, you wanna give it a shot?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10430

  88. Okay, why don't you throw the ball to somebody else.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10432

  89. Oh, yes Stanley. Come on. Your turn, you have to go.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10434

  90. Okay... I'm going to toss the ball to Pam.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10436

  91. Wow. If you wanna cry, that's okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10438

  92. Do you want to talk about it anymore?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10440

  93. Wait a second. That's Weekend at Bernie's. Do you think that this is a game?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10443

  94. All right, we're starting over.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10445

  95. You are not leaving. No! We are not done.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10447

  96. Yeah. Well, you know what? The guy who had my job has died. And nobody cares! And he sat at my desk.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10449

  97. How do you know?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10451

  98. That that bird was dead? Did you check its breathing?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10453

  99. Was its heart beating, Toby? Did you check it? No, of course you didn't. You're not a veterinarian. You don't know ANYTHING!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10455

  100. Oh, God!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10457