Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 31

Who should be the judges and juries of our society?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9593

Yes, that's a good point. She has a good point. Because gay marriage currently is not legal, under U.S. law. I bet a lot of straight men wish that applied to them. So they could go out there and have some torrid unabashed monkey sex as much as they could. You know? Sounds pretty good, right?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9595

That's great. Congratulations Phyllis. That is great, and frankly kiiiiiiiind of amazing! See? Everybody has a chance!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9601

But still, Phyllis, in college? Did you ever experiment with other women? A lot of women do!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9602

Right! And I take that as a compliment.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9604

Well, I just like to look good OK, so ---

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9606

No, I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9608

No no no. The only signal that I am sending is:

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9610

Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you have ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers, and just... I would be waving that rainbow flag.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9611

You misunderstand-- OK. You know what, OK. I uh, I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. You ready? I am going to embrace Oscar. You might want to watch this Angela, because you can't catch anything. Here we go. We are going to make a statement. You and I are going to make a statement together. Oscar is my friend ---

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9613

...and I just don't care who sees it, doesn't bother me!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9615

All right, um... sorry.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9617

I'm sorry I called you faggie. You're not faggie. You're a a good guy.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9619

[embracing Oscar]You know what, I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this. And I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come. Whenever you come into the office I want you to think about this. I did it. See. I'm still here. We're all still here.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9621

Oh come on! Dwight! Come on, man!

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9622

We are not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature. But we can't lose the spirit of child like wonder. What is love... anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar... and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should stand in their way?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9623

I am glad that today spurred social change. That's part of my job as regional manager. But you know what? Even if it didn't, at least we put this matter to bed. ...that's what she said. Or he said.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9624

Oh, there's Gill. Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9625

I will do my job to the best of my abilities.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9631

I will do my

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9633

Specifically, Jan, I will make at least ten phone calls to clients.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9635

Yes, I have to begin every day by letting Jan know what I intend to accomplish, and then I have to call her at the end of the day to tell her what I

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9636

No.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9638

Okay.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9640

[sigh]

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9642

Hi, honey. You holding up?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9643

Yeah.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9645

Oh, good. By yourself?

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9647

Aw. Well, hang in there, okay? You know what? You should get one of this big body pillows. That way you wouldn't miss you-know-who so much.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9649

Roy.

Season 3 · Episode 1 · Quote 9651

Pam?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9662

Did you see Oprah yesterday?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9664

I, uh... I am going to be a father.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9666

Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life. And that really inspired me. So, I want you to look into seeing how much a little Chinese baby would cost.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9668

I know.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9670

Well...

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9672

Just do it, okay?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9674

Um... find out if there's a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9676

Eight months?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9678

I don't even know if I'll want a baby in eight months.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9680

You know what, Pam? If in ten years, I haven't had a baby, and you haven't had a baby...

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9682

Twenty years.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9684

Thirty.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9686

It's a deal.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9688

Yesh.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9690

Right there. Ah.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9692

Per diem.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9694

Guess where I am going. I will give you a hint. It is a booze-fueled sex romp, where anything goes. You are correct, sir! I am headed to Philadelphia for the Annual Northeastern Mid-Market Office Supply Convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which will be fun. Poor little guy. He's been stuck working under Josh, the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9695

Sleep with who? Whom, whom... whom?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9709

Oh, wow! Oh my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do to be hilarious? Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9711

Yeah, do it!

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9713

Really? Okay. Well, word of advice: unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe. Any message you want me to relate to Jim?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9715

Um. Okay, um.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9717

You got that?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9719

Write it down.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9721

Um.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9724

Hey, Josh, how ya doing?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9733

Good to see you. There he is! There's the traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here! Yeah! The product... the progidal... my son returns.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9735

I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like the firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind, even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9736

Yeah! Wow, I didn't expect that. It's good to see you too!

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9738

Hey!

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9741

Ah.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9755

Jan? Look, I think we need to set some ground rules.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9764

The eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room. Carol. I'm still dating her, so nothing can happen between us at the convention.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9766

Thank you for being so brave with all of this. Thank you.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9768

I know! That is specifically why I chose a room close to the elevator. More foot traffic.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9773

That is crooked on that side.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9775

Hey hey!

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9777

Yeah.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9779

Well, that's how we do it in Scranton. Or did you forget? There ain't no party like a Scranton party, 'cause a Scranton party don't stop.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9781

Hey, well, we have time! One for the road, gentlemen?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9783

Wish I was. I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9786

All right, see you guys down there. Change your mind, come back up.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9789

Ugh, that would be gross. It's not even lunch yet.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9791

SWAG! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my SWAG.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9792

Check it out. Hi, I'm Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9793

You know what? I'm having a huge blowout tonight, Room 308. Hope you can come.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9798

Well, cool! Okay, so... can I tell people you're gonna be there?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9800

So maybe. See ya.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9802

Because he's afraid to fly.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9804

Do you remember me from last year? There's a party in my room, 308, can't miss it, right off the elevator. Tonight. Be there!

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9806

Yep. Yeah, she's up front.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9808

I don't have to, I just know. Yes, hello?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9810

See you in a bit. Bye-bye. May I have a moment of your time please?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9816

I need you to do something for me.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9817

I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh. Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9819

And?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9829

Business has been pretty crazy around the office.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9831

Yeah. Moved Ryan over to your desk.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9833

I will call him later with that message.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9835

Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry. Is he why you left?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9837

Opportunity, promotion, blah, blah. You know, Jim, those are just words. Have you taken into account other factors, vis-a-vis bosses? Is Josh funnier than I am? Does he even have a girlfriend? Because I have two, basically.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9839

Hey, Jan, Jan? Don't worry, I have got the tip.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9843

You're welcome.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9846

No, that was a different hundred dollar bill.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9848

I have generated a lot of interest in my party this evening.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9850

The party I'm having tonight in 308. Obviously, you are invited.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9852

Any messages for 308? All right.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9858

Hey hey, fellers.

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9859

What's up?

Season 3 · Episode 2 · Quote 9862

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 31)