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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 31)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 31 of 122

  1. Who should be the judges and juries of our society?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9593

  2. Yes, that's a good point. She has a good point. Because gay marriage currently is not legal, under U.S. law. I bet a lot of straight men wish that applied to them. So they could go out there and have some torrid unabashed monkey sex as much as they could. You know? Sounds pretty good, right?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9595

  3. That's great. Congratulations Phyllis. That is great, and frankly kiiiiiiiind of amazing! See? Everybody has a chance!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9601

  4. But still, Phyllis, in college? Did you ever experiment with other women? A lot of women do!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9602

  5. Right! And I take that as a compliment.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9604

  6. Well, I just like to look good OK, so ---

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9606

  7. No, I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9608

  8. No no no. The only signal that I am sending is:

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9610

  9. Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you have ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in feathers, and just... I would be waving that rainbow flag.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9611

  10. You misunderstand-- OK. You know what, OK. I uh, I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. You ready? I am going to embrace Oscar. You might want to watch this Angela, because you can't catch anything. Here we go. We are going to make a statement. You and I are going to make a statement together. Oscar is my friend ---

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9613

  11. ...and I just don't care who sees it, doesn't bother me!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9615

  12. All right, um... sorry.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9617

  13. I'm sorry I called you faggie. You're not faggie. You're a a good guy.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9619

  14. [embracing Oscar]You know what, I'm going to raise the stakes. I want you to watch this. And I want you to burn this into your brains. Because this is an image that I want you people to remember for a long time to come. Whenever you come into the office I want you to think about this. I did it. See. I'm still here. We're all still here.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9621

  15. Oh come on! Dwight! Come on, man!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9622

  16. We are not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature. But we can't lose the spirit of child like wonder. What is love... anyway? Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules. Like me and Jan. Or Oscar... and some guy. Life is short. When two people find each other, what should stand in their way?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9623

  17. I am glad that today spurred social change. That's part of my job as regional manager. But you know what? Even if it didn't, at least we put this matter to bed. ...that's what she said. Or he said.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9624

  18. Oh, there's Gill. Oscar's roommate. I wonder if he knows?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9625

  19. I will do my job to the best of my abilities.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9631

  20. I will do my

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9633

  21. Specifically, Jan, I will make at least ten phone calls to clients.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9635

  22. Yes, I have to begin every day by letting Jan know what I intend to accomplish, and then I have to call her at the end of the day to tell her what I

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9636

  23. No.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9638

  24. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9640

  25. [sigh]

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9642

  26. Hi, honey. You holding up?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9643

  27. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9645

  28. Oh, good. By yourself?

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9647

  29. Aw. Well, hang in there, okay? You know what? You should get one of this big body pillows. That way you wouldn't miss you-know-who so much.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9649

  30. Roy.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9651

  31. Pam?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9662

  32. Did you see Oprah yesterday?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9664

  33. I, uh... I am going to be a father.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9666

  34. Angelina Jolie was on. And she adopted a baby from Asia, and she said that it changed her life. And that really inspired me. So, I want you to look into seeing how much a little Chinese baby would cost.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9668

  35. I know.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9670

  36. Well...

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9672

  37. Just do it, okay?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9674

  38. Um... find out if there's a cheaper, less expensive baby out there, okay?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9676

  39. Eight months?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9678

  40. I don't even know if I'll want a baby in eight months.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9680

  41. You know what, Pam? If in ten years, I haven't had a baby, and you haven't had a baby...

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9682

  42. Twenty years.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9684

  43. Thirty.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9686

  44. It's a deal.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9688

  45. Yesh.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9690

  46. Right there. Ah.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9692

  47. Per diem.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9694

  48. Guess where I am going. I will give you a hint. It is a booze-fueled sex romp, where anything goes. You are correct, sir! I am headed to Philadelphia for the Annual Northeastern Mid-Market Office Supply Convention. And Jim Halpert is going to be coming, which will be fun. Poor little guy. He's been stuck working under Josh, the poor man's Michael Scott, as he is known around my condo.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9695

  49. Sleep with who? Whom, whom... whom?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9709

  50. Oh, wow! Oh my God, I have a great idea. You know what you should do to be hilarious? Wear your wedding dress. It would be a great icebreaker.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9711

  51. Yeah, do it!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9713

  52. Really? Okay. Well, word of advice: unbutton that top button. Let those things breathe. Any message you want me to relate to Jim?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9715

  53. Um. Okay, um.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9717

  54. You got that?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9719

  55. Write it down.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9721

  56. Um.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9724

  57. Hey, Josh, how ya doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9733

  58. Good to see you. There he is! There's the traitor! Traitor! Traitor! Come here, you. Come here! Yeah! The product... the progidal... my son returns.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9735

  59. I was shocked when he told me he was transferring to Stamford. It's like the firemen. You don't leave your brothers behind, even if you find out that there is a better fire in Connecticut.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9736

  60. Yeah! Wow, I didn't expect that. It's good to see you too!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9738

  61. Hey!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9741

  62. Ah.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9755

  63. Jan? Look, I think we need to set some ground rules.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9764

  64. The eight-hundred pound gorilla in the room. Carol. I'm still dating her, so nothing can happen between us at the convention.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9766

  65. Thank you for being so brave with all of this. Thank you.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9768

  66. I know! That is specifically why I chose a room close to the elevator. More foot traffic.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9773

  67. That is crooked on that side.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9775

  68. Hey hey!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9777

  69. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9779

  70. Well, that's how we do it in Scranton. Or did you forget? There ain't no party like a Scranton party, 'cause a Scranton party don't stop.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9781

  71. Hey, well, we have time! One for the road, gentlemen?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9783

  72. Wish I was. I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9786

  73. All right, see you guys down there. Change your mind, come back up.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9789

  74. Ugh, that would be gross. It's not even lunch yet.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9791

  75. SWAG! Stuff we all get. I basically decorated my condo for free with all of my SWAG.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9792

  76. Check it out. Hi, I'm Michael Scott, Dunder-Mifflin.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9793

  77. You know what? I'm having a huge blowout tonight, Room 308. Hope you can come.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9798

  78. Well, cool! Okay, so... can I tell people you're gonna be there?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9800

  79. So maybe. See ya.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9802

  80. Because he's afraid to fly.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9804

  81. Do you remember me from last year? There's a party in my room, 308, can't miss it, right off the elevator. Tonight. Be there!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9806

  82. Yep. Yeah, she's up front.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9808

  83. I don't have to, I just know. Yes, hello?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9810

  84. See you in a bit. Bye-bye. May I have a moment of your time please?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9816

  85. I need you to do something for me.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9817

  86. I want you to dig up some dirt on Josh. Find out if there are any skeletons in his attic.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9819

  87. And?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9829

  88. Business has been pretty crazy around the office.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9831

  89. Yeah. Moved Ryan over to your desk.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9833

  90. I will call him later with that message.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9835

  91. Toby Flenderson is everything that is wrong with the paper industry. Is he why you left?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9837

  92. Opportunity, promotion, blah, blah. You know, Jim, those are just words. Have you taken into account other factors, vis-a-vis bosses? Is Josh funnier than I am? Does he even have a girlfriend? Because I have two, basically.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9839

  93. Hey, Jan, Jan? Don't worry, I have got the tip.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9843

  94. You're welcome.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9846

  95. No, that was a different hundred dollar bill.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9848

  96. I have generated a lot of interest in my party this evening.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9850

  97. The party I'm having tonight in 308. Obviously, you are invited.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9852

  98. Any messages for 308? All right.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9858

  99. Hey hey, fellers.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9859

  100. What's up?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9862