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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 19)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 19 of 122

  1. Hello, everyone.

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  2. Ah! Ha ha ha!

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  3. Yeah?

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  4. Stanley! Bo banley.

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  5. Banana fana fo fanley.

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  6. Be my mo manley.

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  7. Stanley.

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  8. Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn't it?

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  9. Maybe, I don't know.

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  10. Well, no. But... okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack.

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  11. It's cheaper.

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  12. This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience.

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  13. It is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. We are going on a harbor cruise of Lake Wallenpaupack. It's a booze cruise!

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  14. No. This is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're gonna learn plenty. This is gonna turn your life around, Ryan.

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  15. Well, this...

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  16. Yeah?

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  17. To throw you off the scent.

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  18. Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it.

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  19. Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just.. we're not going to pay for a bathing suit. Okay, I know what you're all thinking, 'Who is this smart little cookie?' Her name is Brenda... something, and she is from corporate. And she is here, like you, to learn from what I have to say.

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  20. I am a great motivational speaker. I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and... it wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But it talked about the actual course. And I've incorporated a lot of his ideas into my own course.

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  21. Leader... ship. The word 'ship' is hidden inside the word 'leadership,' as its derivation. So if this office is, in fact, a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork!

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  22. Now, on this ship that is the office, what is a sales department? Anyone?

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  23. Yes, Darryl, the sales department makes sales. Good. Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace.

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  24. All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. This just... it's the sales... I see the sales department down there. They're in the engine room, and they are shoveling coal into the furnace, right? I mean, who saw the movie Titanic? They were very important in the movie Titanic. Who saw it? Show of hands!

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  25. Titanic?

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  26. No, I'm Leo DiCaprio! Come on!

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  27. No! Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty, and they're singing their ethnic songs, and... actually, that might be warehouse.

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  28. The... no, no. No, I didn't... okay. Well, okay, in a nutshell, what I'm saying is... leadership. We'll talk more about that on the boat. Ship.

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  29. A three-hour tour, a three-hour tour.

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  30. Pam, you are Mary Ann! We have the Professor and Ginger, welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey. Uh... the native. Sometimes they come from neighboring... We have one of the Globetrotters, I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan.

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  31. I'd rather die. Hi, I am Michael Scott, I am the captain of this party.

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  32. Okay.

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  33. In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose.

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  34. Hey, look! I'm king of the world!

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  35. And I am the regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin, Michael Scott. Welcome, welcome!

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  36. Okay! So...

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  37. Right.

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  38. But don't worry, you are not going to be needing life preservers tonight.

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  39. I'm your party captain too! And you are gonna put on your dancing shoes later on! So we are gonna...

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  40. Rock it!

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  41. If the boat's a-rockin', don't come knockin'!

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  42. Yep.

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  43. We're all gonna have a good time tonight!

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  44. Hm? Okay. Yep.

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  45. Having fun?

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  46. Good. Well, that is what Scranton is all about. Not like you New Yawkers.

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  47. Well, we already sort of started it back at the office and on the dock with the Gilligan thing, so... right now, I was thinking. Yes. Okay, listen up all you Dunder-Mifflinites! I would like to talk to you all about life preservers. Now, one important life preserver in business is IT support.

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  48. So, okay.

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  49. But before that, I have to do my presentation.

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  50. All right, we'll have a motivational dance contest! Hit it! Yeah, okay, dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body and communicate!

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  51. Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.

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  52. Ah! See, this is of general interest. It is about priorities and making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save?

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  53. No, no. Salesmen and profit centers.

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  54. Okay, well, obviously you don't know anything about leadership.

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  55. Okay.

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  56. Not what I was looking for, but a good thought.

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  57. I don't want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices. Right? Did I motivate you?

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  58. Well... could have been either one of us, because we were pretty much saying the same thing. Congratulations. That is great!

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  59. Yes! I can marry you as regional manager of Dunder-Mifflin!

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  60. Then I'll give you away!

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  61. Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication.

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  62. Vomicillin. Okay. All right. It's time to be boss. It's time to motivate. Let's blow some minds here. Okay, guys, guys, cool it. Everybody, Dunder-Mifflin Scranton employees, Brenda, I have some very, very urgent news I need to tell everybody right now. Listen up. The ship is sinking! Okay? We're going down, right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that. Shh, please! Everybody, it's my turn now, okay? Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake! And there aren't enough spaces on the lifeboat! Who are we gonna save? Do we save sales? Do we save customer service? Do we save accounting? This is a business scenario. Right? It's a scary... it's a...

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  63. It's a predicament, and it's something that each and every one of us has to think about.

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  64. I'm in the brig. See? The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised. What was the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was... if he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet.

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  65. Is somebody there?

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  66. Captain Jack has a problem with authority.

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  67. He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.

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  68. Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged.

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  69. Roy said the first one didn't count.

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  70. Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow. I would have never have put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that. You know, I made out with Jan...

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  71. Yeah? Yep. Well, Pam is cute.

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  72. Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.

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  73. BFD. Engaged ain't married.

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  74. Never, ever, ever give up.

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  75. It's a fake wheel, dummy.

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  76. Yeah.

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  77. Hello.

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  78. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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  79. Have a seat.

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  80. Oh, every man's dream.

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  81. Two ladies at once. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Okay, you heard something. Um, yeah, it's a booze cruise, but it... There's more to the story than that. It...

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  82. Leadership off-site. Uh, booze cruise is just a rhyme...

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  83. Yeah, I don't even know why I said booze cruise. I don't even think there's booze on the boat.

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  84. Of course.

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  85. Of course, of course. Yes. Yes. Look, I have a whole program planned. Jan, this program is going to change people's lives. I am going to be dropping serious knowledge all over the boat.

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  86. Hello.

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  87. Oh, cool. Cool. And maybe you could attend tonight and then you could stay over at my house for the night. Awkward. That's... You know what. Brenda, could Jan and I have a moment alone?

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  88. Really? You seriously said that? Okay. Brenda, could Jan and I have a moment alone?

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  89. Thanks.

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  90. Oh, okay.

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  91. I'll see you later.

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  92. I'll call you later.

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  93. That's like...

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  94. I'll call you, too. So. You are probably gonna get carded, so I can make you a fake ID. We have a laminating machine.

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  95. What is a sales department? Oscar, what do you think?

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  96. I'm not giving you the answer. Deck hands is one. And...

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  97. No, I'm first mate. You're second mate. I'm first mate, as the captain.

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  98. Well, the anchor is the only thing that kind of slows the ship down. Toby is the anchor. Oh, God. He, well... Tell you about Toby later, he's awful.

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  99. Oh, hey, Toby. So... It's an analogy.

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  100. Hey! What's wrong with you? You missed the boat.

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