Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 16)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 16 of 122

1. I don't understand why you're so upset.

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2. Let me ask you-

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3. Ok, let me ask you this.

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4. Let me ask you something.

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5. Where did you get your outfit?

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6. I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened.

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7. Look-

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8. Oh my God...

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9. What do you want Dwight?

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10. Ok, great. Your performance has been adequate. You may leave; goodbye.

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11. You wanna talk now, good; OK, Dwight, leave.

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12. Why on earth would we give you a raise?

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13. You do? How do you get in?

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14. That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man's heart.

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15. Ok, third wheel, why don't you do that?

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16. That was deer!? Gross, oh!

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17. Oh, did not!

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18. What do you say, Jan?

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19. Ok. You just, uh, clear your head.

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20. That's from Superman?

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21. Wait.

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22. Wait, wait, wait, come, I just, I just wanna know why?

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23. Ok, so you're saying that there is a different time or place?

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24. Well, ok, well never as in 'never ever ever', or never as in there's still a chance?

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25. I just want to know, from the horse's mouth, what is the dealio?

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26. Am I too short?

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27. Really?

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28. I appreciate that, thank you.

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29. No, I wasn't, I didn't cry-

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30. So my looks have nothing to do with it?

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31. Jan is not in a place where she feels she can have a relationship right now. And it doesn't matter how great a guy I am. And that is all I needed; I'm good. I can go home now.

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32. Hey, it's 12:20; where the hell's Dwight?

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33. Never missed a day, my ass.

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34. Oscar, I'm ready for you.

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35. So...

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36. Um, you're in accounting...

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37. So, good, good, good. Something to work toward, being here more. I'm a big believer in people being here more.

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38. All right.

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39. Yup.

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40. Absolutely.

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41. I am not going to discuss anything outside of Dunder Mifflin business, period.' Okay. Now, why would Jan say she only wants to talk business and then make it clear that she is on her period? God, I don't understand women. How about a clear signal, right? Is that too much to ask?

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42. Yes, it is.

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43. Yes, I did.

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44. Hell, yeah.

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45. Yeah.

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46. What?

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47. Kind of, yeah. Over the shirt, my elbow, but...

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48. Um, yup, wait, yes.

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49. No, there... Later there was.

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50. Yes.

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51. I didn't, you know, it was... It was dark, for one thing.

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52. Let's just push on, shall we?

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53. It's next. Just keep it. 'Look on the supply shelf.' What? What is that? All right, Ryan, look on the supply shelf, would you?

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54. Okay, yeah.

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55. Okay.

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56. Okay, field trip's over. Come on. Could we please get back to this?

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57. All right, don't break any lands-speed records getting back, okay, Stanley?

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58. Christ Almighty.

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59. All right, next suggestion.

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60. Don't...' Okay, that's blank. Don't. Just...

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61. Well...

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62. Crystal.

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63. How pleasant. You can...

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64. Okay, I think we're good.

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65. Yeah, that got a little out of control. Jan's taking a break, which is fine. I'm doing the same, just chilling. Getting my mind off of us. She's right. I need to be more professional at the office. When I'm at work, I need to focus on work. I should call her ex-husband.

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66. Hello, is this R. Gould? Hi there. My name is Michael Scott, I work at Dunder Mifflin. I believe I work with your wife, ex-wife, Jan. Yeah, that's right, yes. Um... I was wondering if I could ask a personal question about her. Mmm-hmm. Okay, well, could I ask anyway? Uh-huh. Well, I'm just gonna ask. When you guys were dating was she sort of easy to get and then really hard to get?

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67. Yeah, that Gould is a real interesting guy, a gem. I can see why he and Jan are no longer together. If my conversation with him is any measure of their relationship, he was verbally abusive, he was curt. He was... He had an inability to communicate, shall I say? He was emotionally unavailable. I don't know how she dealt with that as long as she did.

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68. Never...

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69. Well, then, Gould wasn't kidding.

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70. Nothing, I just...

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71. Nothing.

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72. No, I did not.

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73. Maybe I did. Maybe I called him, I don't know.

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74. I...

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75. I didn't do that. I... Maybe he called me.

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76. Ex-husband, you have to let it go.

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77. What is an office? Is it a group of people? Maybe. Is it an idea? Of course, yes. Is it a living organism? Exactly, yes. And any single cell organism has to have a spine, and that's me. But the spine is always controlled by a brain, and that is Jan. But the brain needs a heart, and that is me again. So ironic. You know what? The heart is smarter than the brain. But the brain is so effing hot.

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78. It is Friday morning and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Oh my God. Ohhh. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Oh, we have a serious problem here. Alright everybody, lock the doors, turn off the lights. Pretend you're not here.

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79. There's no time to think about if this is real. Just, shh, everybody.

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80. The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start.

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81. Yeah, I tried to install it myself, but, uh, you guys have these things so password-protected...

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82. Oh...

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83. Oh, umm...

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84. Yes.

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85. AH! Guh-oood.

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86. Please don't do that.

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87. I can't tell you.

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88. I don't have to tell you anything.

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89. Dwight, nothing is going to happen to me, ok? I'm in the best shape of my life. Look at this. Brrr! That's strong!

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90. I'm not going get a brain-

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91. Stop it.

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92. Uh, oh, ok; if I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and die, you can have my job, ok? Why don't you just go... away?

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93. There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed, it--- And I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails.

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94. So how do you search?

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95. Try 'profits'. No! Try 'Michael Scott'. 'Michael' 'boss' and 'funny'. Oh my God, wow! E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, Terribly nice guy. 'Sorry I didn't write back sooner; I can't go to the game tonight because my boss Michael is an ass and making me stay late.' Well, Stanley's an ass. Not one of our harder workers.

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96. Oh, no, everybody; Oscar's gone crazy! What other ghost stories do you have for us? That I'm a robot? I will destroy everything in my path-

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97. Beep! Bop!

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98. Bommmm. Bop! Onk onk. Oil can. Oil can.

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99. Oh, what? No. That defeats the whole purpose.

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100. You know what the problem is?

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