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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 18)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 18 of 122

  1. Good work.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5279

  2. I'll just throw out some suggestions.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5287

  3. They're in a whorehouse.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5289

  4. And he's a proctologist. What?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5291

  5. First sentence is: 'I'm a proctologist'.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5293

  6. Alright, I'm ready here.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 5295

  7. Here we are.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5307

  8. Oh god.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5309

  9. No, no, turn it around.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5311

  10. You'll break it.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5313

  11. You shove it. Shove it back! Here we go. Don't break the branches, Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5315

  12. All right.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5316

  13. Well, suck it up. We all have problems. Hey, everybody, look what we have! Nice, huh?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5318

  14. On three. Ready? Big, one, two, three.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5320

  15. Merry Christmas!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5322

  16. Did it work?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5323

  17. A, that's what she said, and B, I wanted it to be impressive. The biggest day of the year deserves the biggest tree of the year.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5325

  18. Well, that is a perfectly good mini-tree, Kevin. And we are going to sell that to charity. That's what Christmas is all about.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5327

  19. Merry Christmas! Ho, ho, ho, pimp. I'm kidding. What do we got, what do we got? How many plates are we getting?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5333

  20. Double it. Double everything. Double ice cream. Double napkins. Double it. On me.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5335

  21. It was a tough year. I had to fire somebody this year. This party has to really rock. Check it out. Christmas bonus. 3,000 G's. I got this for helping save the company money. So I guess some good came out of firing Devon after all. Maybe I should call him and tell him that.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5336

  22. I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way. And the best and craziest thing that happens will be on the cover of the newsletter. Incentive.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5337

  23. Yeah, I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5339

  24. No! No way! It... no.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5345

  25. You wanna be Santa?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5347

  26. Have you ever seen Santa?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5349

  27. Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5351

  28. Well, I'm sorry. It just doesn't work.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5353

  29. That makes sense because he has elfish features.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5355

  30. You get something good this year?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5360

  31. Yeah? Who did you have?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5362

  32. I think I got something pretty nice for my guy.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5364

  33. I spent a lot of dough. Lot of dough. Wow.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5366

  34. Yeah. I wanted this party to be really special so I sorta went above and beyond.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5368

  35. It was Ryan. Yeah. I have Ryan.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5370

  36. All right, let's count it down, like Rockefeller Center. Ready?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5374

  37. Not great.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5376

  38. No, no. Shake it off, everybody. Just, let's do Secret Santa.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5380

  39. Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It's like this tangible thing that you can point to and say, 'Hey, man, I love you this many dollars worth.'

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5381

  40. No, don't!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5397

  41. Whoa. Wow. Jeez. Somebody really got carried away with the spirit of Christmas. That was me, I got a little carried away.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5399

  42. You don't know that.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5401

  43. I did?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5403

  44. What? Oh, shoot. Wow. Okay, well, who cares? It doesn't matter what I spent. What matters is that Christmas is fun, right?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5405

  45. Oh hey, for me. What is in here? Oh, come on.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5407

  46. An oven mitt? Okay.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5409

  47. So Phyllis is basically saying, 'Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's worth.' I gave Ryan an iPod.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5410

  48. I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5413

  49. One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal somebody else's gift or choose a new gift.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5415

  50. Well, I call it fun!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5418

  51. Because it's better. Because it's more special.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5420

  52. Shut it. No, it's not. Okay, just give it a shot.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5422

  53. Okay, Meredith is up first. Here's the deal. You can either pick a new gift or you can steal somebody else's gift that they've already gotten, like the oven mitt.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5424

  54. Yankee Swap! That's what makes it fun. Pam, you can steal the oven mitt now.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5427

  55. I think this is going great.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5433

  56. Everyone wants the iPod. It's a huge hit. It is almost a Christmas miracle.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5440

  57. Oh, well, Oscar, you little gourmand, you have the next turn.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5441

  58. I hope nobody takes this baby, cause this is great. Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship. Somebody really put a lot of work into that. It's beautiful.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5447

  59. Sucker! See, I wanted somebody to take it. Boom! Reverse psychology.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5449

  60. Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5450

  61. 'In addition to these paintball pellets, your gift includes two paintball lessons with Dwight Schrute.'

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5451

  62. Who wants to take paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5453

  63. Last gift. Kevin.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5457

  64. What is she so upset about?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5472

  65. Come on! I think that Yankee Swap was a big hit! I think it's a success and I'm the one who ended up with Dwight's stupid paintball pellets.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5474

  66. Well, I didn't. I got a big bonus because I fired Devon, and I used the money to buy something awesome. Sue me!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5477

  67. It wasn't. It wasn't that much. It was $3,000.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5480

  68. Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5482

  69. All right, now, you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5484

  70. Cool, cool. Box it up.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5486

  71. Uh-oh. Looks like Santa was a little naughty.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5503

  72. This is Christmas spirit, as in spirits, booze.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5505

  73. Zip it, Toby! Just .. I mean, it's a party. Come on. If I can't throw a good party for my employees, then I am a terrible boss. Who wants a drink?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5508

  74. Go, here we go!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5510

  75. Anybody making out in here? Not yet, give it time. Oh, hey, Ebenezer, boink. Okay, how's it going in here?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5532

  76. No, no, no, no. We'll find some, don't leave the party.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5535

  77. Kudos to Ryan, king of the party committee.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5537

  78. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5539

  79. Oh, no, no. No false modesty, my friend.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5541

  80. Not bad. And if it couldn't go to Ryan, you are the guy I'd want it to go to.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5552

  81. You're welcome.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5554

  82. No way. Oh, you're kidding me. Packer! Yes! Todd Packer, ladies and gentlemen!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5556

  83. Oh, no, no. Oh look at that. Icing on the cake.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5558

  84. Oh, let's fix you up. Who wants to fix up .. Toby. Toby's gonna fix you up.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5560

  85. Darryl. There you go. You earned it.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5562

  86. No, no, no, no. I really, really want you to have it.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5564

  87. Hey, Merry Christmas.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5566

  88. Lampshade on head! It's happening!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5570

  89. Yeah, that sounds good.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5582

  90. Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5583

  91. Hey, Meredith. Heading over to Poor Richard's?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5584

  92. Cool, cool, cool. Do you need a ride? All right, let's head out. Sounds good. Do you have a coat?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5586

  93. Okay!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5588

  94. Remember on that animated special when they taught the uh, the monster to put the star on top? That's Dwight. Dwight's the monster that we taught to put the star on top of the tree. You take his teeth out, and he could put the star on top of the tree.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5594

  95. Phyllis and Angela and Meredith are helpers. I guess Angela's kind of... Angela's little. Phyllis and Meredith are not little. Pam is sort of a medium helper.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5597

  96. Dwight is... Dwight looks like Spock to me. He always wears the ears, and I always give him grief about looking like Spock, and he hates it because he has a different pair of ears that he wears to be Spock, for some reason.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5599

  97. Well, thank God you didn't steal my oven mitt. And Oscar, you little gourmand, your turn.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5613

  98. Oscar, paint ball pellets.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5620

  99. Yeah. Like anybody would want an oven mitt.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5624

  100. See, that's what Christmas is all about to me, is when you see someone open a gift and you think, 'Man, I wish I got that.' I mean, that's just such a great feeling, to watch other people envying a gift that you gave to somebody else. I don't know, it's just... I don't know, just makes you kind of feel good.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Line 5648