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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 15)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 15 of 122

  1. Uh huh, Kenneth Road, born and raised. Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County and I do not intend on movin'. I know this place. I know how many hospitals we have, I know how many schools we have. It's home, you know? I know the challenges this county's up against. Here's the thing about those discount suppliers. They don't care. They come in, they undercut everything, and they run us out of business, and then, once we're all gone, they jack up the prices.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4390

  2. It's bad.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4392

  3. It, you know what, it really is.

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  4. Well, corporate's gonna go ballistic, but, uh, you think we could Jan?

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4397

  5. See ya.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4403

  6. We did it!

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4405

  7. Nailed it. Nailed it! Come here.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4407

  8. What!?

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4409

  9. Goin'. Ok. Where we goin'? Doesn't matter. Goin' to the go go. Oh-ok.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4411

  10. Morning, Pam. Hey.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4413

  11. No, nothing happened. I-I swear, nothing happened. What, I'm, totally being serious. A gentleman does not kiss and tell, and neither do I. No, seriously, guys, I'm not, I don't want to go into it at all. It's off limits. Fine, I took her back to her hotel and we made out for a little while. It was great. I mean she told me about her divorce, we talked for about five hours, she fell asleep on my arm. So.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4414

  12. Hello, Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4415

  13. Who.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4417

  14. Uh, no, no, no Gould.

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  15. This is none of your affair because she is your boss-

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4421

  16. And she is a woman. She is a strong, soft, thoughtful, sexy woman. And you know what? I don't think that I can sit here and let you talk about her that way without me defending her honor. Jan, I defend your honor. Is that all?

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4423

  17. I know we have to register as a consensual sexual relationship with HR. My question: do I do it as the man? Does she do it as my superior? I don't know. That leads to other issues that we may have in our relationship. It's, uh, Excuse me. Hello? Hi! Just talking about you. The camera? No. Uh huh. How's traffic? I miss you. What. Ok. Well, if it was a mistake, it was a wonderful mistake. No. Would you excuse me? No, I did not intentionally get you drunk. Um hmm. No, no. This is just a fight. This is just a first fight of many fights we're gonna have. Right. No. Wha-so-I don't understand, you wanna see other people. Only other people. Wh-why, ok, I think you're still a little bit drunk Excuse me? Excuse me?! I think you're, yes, why don't you just come back here, go to the hotel, have a few drinks and-no, no. I didn't slip you something!

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4430

  18. Have you ever heard of Doctor David Friendly?

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4445

  19. Doctor David Friendly's Egg Yolk Diet. It's, it's kind of unique. It's just, my diet the last couple months has consisted mostly of eggs yolks and cottage cheese. And, um, what you do, you don't just have the egg yolks, it's not like a Rocky thing. You do like hard boiled eggs and I got one a those melon ballers and I, it's just like a little ice cream scoop, and I just scoop out the middle of the egg and just pop it in my mouth. I don't even, I don't even use a plate anymore. Uh, the first couple weeks I did, but you know what, boom, I keep a melon baller in my desk so if I have a hard boiled egg I know, I know! But you know what? It's perfect. I know it sounds ridiculous, it sounds ridiculous, but you know what? Dr. David Friendly, he came up with this thing. The guy, I think he was like four hundred pounds when he started, and he started with this... I, well, the melon baller was my idea.

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  20. Not today, Kevin. Cannot be around carbs today. You know what one loaf of bread would do to my abs?

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  21. Uh huh.

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  22. Conflict!

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  23. I have a conflict with that.

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  24. Uh, I have a pajama party. At the Playboy Mansion. With the bunnies.

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  25. I can't get out of it!

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  26. Ok, alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4461

  27. I'm hearing you, meeting confirmed.

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  28. Meeting confirmed. Would you like your confirmation number? Please grab a pen, because I will only be repeating this once.

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  29. 42897. Ok.

    Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4467

  30. What is a closer? A closer is a sales term for someone who always gets the job done. And that is me. A B C, always be closing. Glen Garry, Glen Ross. 'Hey, gimme the Glen Ross leads.' 'No way, they're just for closers.' 'Do you know who you're talking to?' 'I'm Michael Scott.' 'Really? Well, take any lead you want.' 'No thanks, I don't need 'em.' Because I have a client list right here in my computer. So suck on that.

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  31. Pam, could I see you in my office?

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  32. Pam, you're trustworthy-

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  33. And a woman-

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  34. And I want you to listen to a voicemail from my boss. 'Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you. I'll, uh, be there this afternoon for performance reviews. I hope it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. See you soon.' First impressions?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4515

  35. My boss is coming in today, the lovely Jan Levinson-Gould will, well, no Gould. The Gould has been swack, divorced. Um, the awkward part is that this will be the first time that we'll be seeing each other since, well, uh, it was really nothing. We just sort of got caught up in the moment. The vulnerable divorcee gives herself to the understanding, with rugged good-looks, office manager. Just, uh, she didn't want it to continue for some reason. It, we both, I didn't want it, we both didn't want it to continue. Was not professional. Um, when people say something's mutual, it never is. But this was mutual.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4517

  36. 'I guess I missed you.' I guess I missed you. So, she misses me?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4518

  37. But then she goes on to say 'that will be our only topic of discussion'. That doesn't mean anything, those are just words.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4520

  38. Ok. Yeah, what, what?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4522

  39. Ohhh, great. Well, now I'm in a terrible mood. Let's do your performance review-

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  40. Ah, why, that's great news? That, that, then why would, why would I not like that?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4526

  41. Oh, wow, wow. Alright, let's listen to that again. 'Michael, it's Jan. I guess I missed you'.

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  42. Really?

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  43. God, Stanley, that's frickin' brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? Sorry.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4547

  44. No kidding.

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  45. Good work, Stanley. Great performance review. Stanley in the house, everybody. Woo! Angela, your turn.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4556

  46. Yeah?

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  47. Oh; Angela, you were totally satisfactory this year.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4561

  48. Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. Yeah?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4562

  49. Jan! To what do I owe this pleasure?

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  50. Well, hello to you, too. Um, yeah, I was just um, I just wanted to get some closure on uh, what transpired between us at the meeting we had in the parking lot of the Chili's.

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  51. Well, surely this uh, review is a formality because of what happened uh, at our meeting in the parking lot of Chili's.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4568

  52. Oh.

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  53. Been thinking about you.

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  54. Um, I don't see how that's unprofessional. Just-

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  55. Yep.

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  56. No.

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  57. They are not. Yes, they are. That's my girlfriend.

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  58. Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance you wrote any of my ideas down? In a folder? A 'Michael-idea' folder?

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  59. That's unfortunate. How 'bout the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there.

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  60. The suggestion box that I put out, and people could be put in suggestions anonymously? Maybe there's prizes?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4590

  61. Why don't you find it and tell people to get theirs... never mind, I'll tell them. Hello, everybody? Yeah, uh, attention, please. Jan Levinson's coming, very soon, and so, we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting, so you can all get your constructive compliments in a.s.a.p.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4592

  62. What did I say?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4594

  63. Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, so maybe you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions. 'K?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4596

  64. Hi, Jan. How are you?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4602

  65. Good to see you.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4604

  66. Ok. Ok, why don't we just step into my office? We're gonna go in here.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4606

  67. Yep, right after you. Apres-vous. No calls.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4608

  68. Alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4610

  69. It's nice to see you.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4612

  70. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4614

  71. Oh, well.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4616

  72. Alright.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4618

  73. Yep.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4620

  74. Absolutely.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4622

  75. I'm a little confused. 'Cause first it's all like kissy-kissy. And then it's like all regret. Because 'Oh, I regret that.' But, 'Wait, I'm still gonna call you.' But, but, 'We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down and fire you if you don't do your job.' But what were talking about when we first kissed? Business.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4623

  76. No, no, no, I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like wham-bam-thank ya ma'am. But I do say thank ya ma'am. But, I'm, I'm not like wham-bam. Not that there's anything wrong with wham-bam. If it's consensual. We're talking about office stuff. Can I ask you a question?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4625

  77. This is a business question. It's nothing personal, I promise.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4627

  78. Are you wearing a new perfume today?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4629

  79. Well, you're wearing it at the office. And it, I'm sorry, but no offense, but it's really sexy.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4631

  80. I don't understand- Hold on. Sorry. Yes, Pam.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4642

  81. I'm kind of in the middle of something. I wish you wouldn't interrupt.

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  82. I did not, not, not use those words.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4646

  83. No, it's in like ten minutes.

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  84. Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. Now, I know a lot of don't think that I read your suggestions, but I do. I just sift through them every week and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. Um, so, let's, uh, just read some of these suckers. Alright. Number one: 'What should we do to prepare for Y2K?'

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4651

  85. Well, obviously this one got stuck in the box. That happens occasionally.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4654

  86. And, um, one down. Next suggestion: 'we need better outreach for employees fighting depression'. Ok, alright, enough with the jokes. Nobody in here is suffering from depression.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4656

  87. Oh, ok, well, yeah, who wrote it?

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4658

  88. Tom. Then it is a joke because there is nobody in here named Tom.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4660

  89. Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. Alright, next suggestion.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4662

  90. Arrr, dooby dooby do. 'You need to do something about your B.O.'

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4664

  91. Ok, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, but it's more of a personal suggestion and it's not an office suggestion. Far be it for me to use this as a platform to embarrass anybody.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4666

  92. Well, Toby, if by me you are inferring that I have B.O., then I would say that is a very poor choice of words.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4668

  93. Was I, Creed?! Ok, well, you know what? I am implying is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs, because talk about stank. Not that I would ever say something like that in public, and I never have, and I never will. I just think it's something that we should all be aware of. Ok? Now that we've learned this, let's continue. See, this is good, we're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. 'You need to do something about your coffee breath'-

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4670

  94. Ok.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4672

  95. Shut up, shut up, shut up, Dwight, OK. I don't think you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4674

  96. Yeah, is that hard for you? Alright, well-

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4676

  97. I'll work on that-

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4678

  98. Let's keep going. Keep it going. Yep. What do we have here? We have somebody's piece of gum. Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a, a garbage can, this is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum. I don't wanna have to read these tomorrow.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4680

  99. Yeah, what? Uh, alright, next suggestion.

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4682

  100. Don't sl-', ok, that's blank Don't, just put it-

    Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4684