Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 14

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4071

Dwight, you have... No, you have something... God, you look like such an idiot!

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4074

Go on, I dare you to kick there again. Kick there again, I dare ya.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4076

You can't see. You can't see. Good boy. Good boy. Great boy. Two points, three points, four points. I win. I win. Eight points. Nine points.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4079

Open your mouth.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4081

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? 'Raging Bull.' Pacino. Oh, I want that footage. I want it. I need it. Ah, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work... Oh, oh check this out. Come here. There he is. Mr. Temp. Having lunch by the car. Let us play with him. This'll be hilarious. Oh, we're playing phone tag.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4083

My emergency contact is Todd Packer. Todd F. Packer. Do you know what the F. stands for?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4085

Yeah... uh, come in. Oh, hey Karate Kid. The Hillary Swank version. Hi. How are ya?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4087

He is such a sore loser. You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. You know what, um, do yourself a favor and just keep me as his contact and I will call the hospital. Cut out the middle man.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4091

Yeah.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4095

Yeah, just throw them on the chair. I'll take it from here. So, whatcha up to this weekend?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4097

If you're doing anything crazy, give me a shout.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4099

Alright, bye.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4101

Dwight?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4102

This close. Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4104

Well, busier. Making the time.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4106

Well, you don't even have anyone to go home to, Toby.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4109

I know, but I've been carrying the load on my back all day, and if everybody would just chip in a little bit, it'd might help me out. What do you say? Let's gangbang this thing and go home. Good? Dwight.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4111

I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4114

And I am happy to say that you have passed. So effective immediately I am promoting you from Assistant to the Regional Manager to Assistant Regional Manager.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4116

I know, I know, I know, I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4118

No, no, title change only.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4120

No, no. Three month probationary period. Let's not tell anybody about this right now.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4122

Absolutely but not really.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4124

Yes you do.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4126

And, ditto.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4128

I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous, but there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. And I think I proved that today at the dojo.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4129

Yeah, I don't think that would happen. See, I used to run with a very tough crowd, street fighter types. Real, real bad people. I'm just lucky I got out. I was a bad ass mo-fo. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4148

I've never lost a fight. You know why? My motto. Never say die.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4150

No, that's not how I meant it.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4152

Shut up, Dwight.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4154

Yes.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4164

Oh. Well, in my office, if you took off your shoes, it would be a sign of disrespect. Stinkyfeetville. Kind of a ying-yang. Oh, stretchin'. I like to stay tight. Compact.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4166

Do you have, do you have anything in, like, black?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4168

God, you look like such an idiot.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4173

Stan the man.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4174

Did you hear about the fight? Well, it wasn't much of a fight, actually.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4176

I opened a big can of whoop-ass on him.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4178

I went medieval on his heinie.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4180

Hey, Stanley. I don't tell you how to do your job, do I? He...

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4182

Grow a pair, Stanley. Right? There not gonna downsize because I miss a lot of deadlines. That's not how business works, okay? Okay.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4184

All right. Here you go, Princess. Just finished with part one.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4186

Yes, under my tutelage.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4188

If you didn't badger me with so many questions, Pam, I could be done with it by now.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4190

Wow, graphs and charts, somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4199

I changed it. To Chili's.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4203

Radisson just gives out this vibe, 'Oh, I'm doing business at the Radisson'. It's kind of snooty. So.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4205

Here's the thing. Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4207

It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4209

Uh huh, uh huh. Power trip.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4211

Ok, let's do this thing. Wish us luck.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4226

Kiss ass. Ok, probably going to go late tonight. Burning the midnight tequila. So, I think you could all just take off now.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4229

Well...

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4231

No, no. That would not be efficient. Actually, they just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. That's not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work done when I'm not here. Not more. The same amount of work is done, whether I am here or not. Hey, everybody, listen up. This is what we're gonna do. You sit tight, until I return. Sound good? Doesn't matter, it's an order. Follow it blindly, mwahahaha, ok? Alright, ciao. Adios!

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4233

Uh, I'll drive.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4235

It's just a couple blocks away, so... boy, you really don't know Scranton, do you?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4237

At all!

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4239

You ever been to Scranton, Jan? Dar de-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4241

Dar de dar.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4243

Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4245

We should come up with a signal of some sort.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4246

Well, in case one of us gets into trouble, the other one can signal-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4248

Well, I... it could be either of us.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4250

Yeees.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4252

Hello? Christian?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4253

Thought that was you. Hi. Michael Scott. This is Jan Levinson-Gould.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4255

No Gould?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4257

Uh, Jan, what happened?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4260

Is Gould dead? What uh-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4262

Wow, you're kidding me! Do you wanna talk about?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4264

When did this happen?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4266

Ok.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4268

Alright, after you.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4271

[mouths 'Wow' to the camera]

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4273

Awesome blossom.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4276

I think we should share an Awesome Blossom, what do you say? They are awesome. Want to, Christian, blossom?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4278

Ok, it's done. Actually, Megan, may we have an Awesome Blossom, please, extra awesome? Now it's done.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4280

I heard a-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4282

Very very funny joke the other day. Wanna hear it?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4284

Ok.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4287

Just one joke. Ok. Well, if it's just gonna be one, I will think of a different joke. Umm... let's see... choo choo choo.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4289

Pam, it's Michael. I need you to go into my office and check some data for me.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4291

Yes.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4293

No.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4295

Nope. Told it. Not as good as you think. Pick another one.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4297

Oh ho ho, yea! Bingo! And a lighthouse. Yes. That is hysterical. Could you start that one from the beginning?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4299

First guy says 'Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn'. And the second guy says, 'Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort'. And the third guy says 'I gotcha both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe'.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4308

Yum! Yum yum yum! That's delicious! I love it!

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4324

Bop! Be blah bop, be boo boo bop.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4328

That's why I wanted a signal, between us, so that I wouldn't have to just shout non-sense words. That's her fault.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4329

Did somebody say 'baby back ribs'? Hmmm? Hmmmmm?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4330

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4333

Chili's baby back ribs...

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4335

Woo, well, this brings us to Jan. Truth or Dare? Tell us about your divorce. Ohh, ohh.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4367

Oh, so you're not gonna play? She's not playing.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4369

She's not playing the game.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4371

Check please.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4373

No, you were not stupid. Gould was stupid. Right?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4378

You know?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4380

It's true.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4382

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 14)