Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 14

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4071

Dwight, you have... No, you have something... God, you look like such an idiot!

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4074

Go on, I dare you to kick there again. Kick there again, I dare ya.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4076

You can't see. You can't see. Good boy. Good boy. Great boy. Two points, three points, four points. I win. I win. Eight points. Nine points.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4079

Open your mouth.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4081

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? 'Raging Bull.' Pacino. Oh, I want that footage. I want it. I need it. Ah, I have to get back to work. I have lots of work... Oh, oh check this out. Come here. There he is. Mr. Temp. Having lunch by the car. Let us play with him. This'll be hilarious. Oh, we're playing phone tag.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4083

My emergency contact is Todd Packer. Todd F. Packer. Do you know what the F. stands for?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4085

Yeah... uh, come in. Oh, hey Karate Kid. The Hillary Swank version. Hi. How are ya?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4087

He is such a sore loser. You heard, obviously, that I mopped the floor with him this afternoon. You know what, um, do yourself a favor and just keep me as his contact and I will call the hospital. Cut out the middle man.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4091

Yeah.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4095

Yeah, just throw them on the chair. I'll take it from here. So, whatcha up to this weekend?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4097

If you're doing anything crazy, give me a shout.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4099

Alright, bye.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4101

Dwight?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4102

This close. Dwight, may I speak with you for a minute?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4104

Well, busier. Making the time.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4106

Well, you don't even have anyone to go home to, Toby.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4109

I know, but I've been carrying the load on my back all day, and if everybody would just chip in a little bit, it'd might help me out. What do you say? Let's gangbang this thing and go home. Good? Dwight.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4111

I have been testing you the entire day. Did you know that?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4114

And I am happy to say that you have passed. So effective immediately I am promoting you from Assistant to the Regional Manager to Assistant Regional Manager.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4116

I know, I know, I know, I wouldn't be offering it if I didn't think you could handle it.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4118

No, no, title change only.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4120

No, no. Three month probationary period. Let's not tell anybody about this right now.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4122

Absolutely but not really.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4124

Yes you do.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4126

And, ditto.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4128

I told Dwight that there is honor in losing. Which, as we all know, is completely ridiculous, but there is, however, honor in making a loser feel better which is what I just did for Dwight. Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. And I think I proved that today at the dojo.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4129

Yeah, I don't think that would happen. See, I used to run with a very tough crowd, street fighter types. Real, real bad people. I'm just lucky I got out. I was a bad ass mo-fo. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4148

I've never lost a fight. You know why? My motto. Never say die.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4150

No, that's not how I meant it.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4152

Shut up, Dwight.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4154

Yes.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4164

Oh. Well, in my office, if you took off your shoes, it would be a sign of disrespect. Stinkyfeetville. Kind of a ying-yang. Oh, stretchin'. I like to stay tight. Compact.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4166

Do you have, do you have anything in, like, black?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4168

God, you look like such an idiot.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4173

Stan the man.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4174

Did you hear about the fight? Well, it wasn't much of a fight, actually.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4176

I opened a big can of whoop-ass on him.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4178

I went medieval on his heinie.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4180

Hey, Stanley. I don't tell you how to do your job, do I? He...

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4182

Grow a pair, Stanley. Right? There not gonna downsize because I miss a lot of deadlines. That's not how business works, okay? Okay.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4184

All right. Here you go, Princess. Just finished with part one.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4186

Yes, under my tutelage.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4188

If you didn't badger me with so many questions, Pam, I could be done with it by now.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4190

Wow, graphs and charts, somebody's really been doing their homework. Looks like USA Today.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4199

I changed it. To Chili's.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4203

Radisson just gives out this vibe, 'Oh, I'm doing business at the Radisson'. It's kind of snooty. So.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4205

Here's the thing. Chili's is the new golf course. It's where business happens. Small Businessman Magazine.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4207

It will. I sent it in. Letter to the editor.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4209

Uh huh, uh huh. Power trip.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4211

Ok, let's do this thing. Wish us luck.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4226

Kiss ass. Ok, probably going to go late tonight. Burning the midnight tequila. So, I think you could all just take off now.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4229

Well...

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4231

No, no. That would not be efficient. Actually, they just don't get very much work done when I'm not here. That's not true. I know how to delegate, and they do more work done when I'm not here. Not more. The same amount of work is done, whether I am here or not. Hey, everybody, listen up. This is what we're gonna do. You sit tight, until I return. Sound good? Doesn't matter, it's an order. Follow it blindly, mwahahaha, ok? Alright, ciao. Adios!

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4233

Uh, I'll drive.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4235

It's just a couple blocks away, so... boy, you really don't know Scranton, do you?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4237

At all!

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4239

You ever been to Scranton, Jan? Dar de-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4241

Dar de dar.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4243

Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4245

We should come up with a signal of some sort.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4246

Well, in case one of us gets into trouble, the other one can signal-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4248

Well, I... it could be either of us.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4250

Yeees.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4252

Hello? Christian?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4253

Thought that was you. Hi. Michael Scott. This is Jan Levinson-Gould.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4255

No Gould?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4257

Uh, Jan, what happened?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4260

Is Gould dead? What uh-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4262

Wow, you're kidding me! Do you wanna talk about?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4264

When did this happen?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4266

Ok.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4268

Alright, after you.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4271

[mouths 'Wow' to the camera]

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4273

Awesome blossom.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4276

I think we should share an Awesome Blossom, what do you say? They are awesome. Want to, Christian, blossom?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4278

Ok, it's done. Actually, Megan, may we have an Awesome Blossom, please, extra awesome? Now it's done.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4280

I heard a-

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4282

Very very funny joke the other day. Wanna hear it?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4284

Ok.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4287

Just one joke. Ok. Well, if it's just gonna be one, I will think of a different joke. Umm... let's see... choo choo choo.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4289

Pam, it's Michael. I need you to go into my office and check some data for me.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4291

Yes.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4293

No.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4295

Nope. Told it. Not as good as you think. Pick another one.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4297

Oh ho ho, yea! Bingo! And a lighthouse. Yes. That is hysterical. Could you start that one from the beginning?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4299

First guy says 'Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn'. And the second guy says, 'Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort'. And the third guy says 'I gotcha both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe'.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4308

Yum! Yum yum yum! That's delicious! I love it!

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4324

Bop! Be blah bop, be boo boo bop.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4328

That's why I wanted a signal, between us, so that I wouldn't have to just shout non-sense words. That's her fault.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4329

Did somebody say 'baby back ribs'? Hmmm? Hmmmmm?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4330

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4333

Chili's baby back ribs...

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4335

Woo, well, this brings us to Jan. Truth or Dare? Tell us about your divorce. Ohh, ohh.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4367

Oh, so you're not gonna play? She's not playing.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4369

She's not playing the game.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4371

Check please.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4373

No, you were not stupid. Gould was stupid. Right?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4378

You know?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4380

It's true.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Quote 4382

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 14)