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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 13)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 13 of 122

  1. Hey, you. Big Jim. And Phyllis. Working hard, Phyllis?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3776

  2. Of course. You're always working hard.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3778

  3. Keep it up. And there's Stanley. No costume? Well, no, not trying to fit in. I wish I had your confidence, I really do.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3780

  4. No, no. What could possibly be wrong? Everything's great. Just keep living your lives. Everything's gonna be fine. You are all such wonderful, innocent people.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3782

  5. What? What?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3786

  6. Fine. If you are so anxious to see a head roll, it's you. There. You brought it on yourself. Too bad. Can't say that I'm sorry. It's a relief.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3788

  7. You asked for a name, I gave you a name. Now you're not doing your job. Why don't you just resign?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3790

  8. Just know that if I could have fired you, I would have.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3792

  9. I'm going to have to do this Sopranos-style. Just whack him. Guys, could you take the freight elevator, please?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3794

  10. You know what? That's my foot.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3796

  11. You guys...

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3798

  12. I will handle it in the best way possible, but in case he or she goes postal, you will be available to subdue. Am I correct?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3801

  13. I don't know. Hey, are you on our payroll or are you employed by the building?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3803

  14. Oh, shoot. Okay, well, just have your pepper spray ready.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3805

  15. All right. All right, this is it. By the time I get back to our floor, I will have decided. Wow, that's a fast elevator.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3807

  16. I have a proposal, everybody. Listen up. Now, Corporate has been really breathing down my neck to make some pay cuts, but I refuse to fire anyone. So, I was thinking that maybe all of you would take a 10% pay cut and that would save the money. Yeah?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3808

  17. Okay, great. Fine. Well, then, if anyone is annoyed later at what goes down, you know who to blame. Stanley. Not the guy who was trying to be creative.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3810

  18. Leave me alone, okay?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3812

  19. Do you want some coffee?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3813

  20. Oh, wow. How long have you worked here? How many years, Creed?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3815

  21. Yeah, that's right. Fifteen years and three months. Wow, you were hired before I was. Must be thinking about retirement.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3817

  22. Why?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3819

  23. It's just that you never got married and you live in an apartment.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3821

  24. Yeah.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3823

  25. Just trying to be your friend.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3825

  26. Of course, I did. I always... Yes, I do.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3827

  27. Are you pulling my leg or...

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3829

  28. You have no clue why I've asked you in here?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3831

  29. Oh, here we go. This... um, here's the deal.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3833

  30. Yes. Actually, I have. I have been on a hunting trip. I shot a deer in the leg. I had to... I had to hit him, I had to hit him with a shovel for about an hour, so he... That's good eating, though. Venison's very gamey. It's hard to watch, though. It's hard to... It's hard to hit another living thing in the face with a shovel for about an hour. That... I haven't been hunting since then. I, I... 'Cause that's, you know, where's the joy in that? Where's the... There's no sport, really. Especially when you're the one with the shovel. And they're the one just lying there. Um... I would have rather hit it with my car or something and just... I was just smacking the hell out of that thing. That was a mess. And we just left him there. I didn't eat it. I didn't want to eat that. That guy. Why do you ask?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3834

  31. His name was Devon.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3836

  32. The human being man's name was Devon.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3838

  33. Yes, yes, yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3840

  34. Yes, it is.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3842

  35. Uh, well, I am. A little. Justifiably. My Halloween is ruined.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3844

  36. Do you? I don't think you do. Devon was one of my best buddies. And now he hates me.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3846

  37. You're glad?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3848

  38. Thanks. Thanks so much. You think it was good?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3850

  39. Think I did a good job? Great. I feel good. I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3852

  40. There. I'm doing it. Right there. Great.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3854

  41. Yeah, blah, blah, blah.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3858

  42. You people are revolting. By far, the least popular people here. I should have fired you. Who knew Devon was so popular and had so many friends. So well-loved.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Line 3860

  43. I don't want to work, I just want to bang on this mug all day.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3898

  44. Uhh, yes, I did, here's the dizzle. I have a very top secret mission for you. I want you to update all the emergency contact information.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3900

  45. Hello, oh God, busy work. Ahh, get away, cretin.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3902

  46. Yes, thank you. I know where to sign.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3904

  47. Last year they were out of order, weren't they Pam?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3906

  48. Chillax, Pam. Stop Pam-M-S-ing. That's pretty good. Um, actually, I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission. Tell her what it is.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3908

  49. Is it a priority? Oh I don't know, um, what if there is a tornado, Pam? People's legs are crushed under rubble. 'Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? No, I can't because we don't have any emergency contact information because Pam said it wasn't a priority.' Think. Think with your head, Pam. Ok, well. She walks out. That's the problem with being a boss is that when you are tough they resent you and when you are cool they walk all over you.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3911

  50. Catch-22. Yes. Why don't you give me your contact information to start with, ok, what's your cell?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3913

  51. Hey Ryan. This is Michael Jackson calling from Wonderland.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3918

  52. This is Tito.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3920

  53. Calling from...

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3922

  54. Pick up.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3932

  55. This is Mike Tyson.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3934

  56. And this is more a ying-yang thing. The 'Michael' all cursive, the 'Scott' all caps. Left brain, right brain. Or, duality of man.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3947

  57. Yeah, yeah, I don't think that would happen.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3953

  58. Because I would kick his ass.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3955

  59. So? I've beaten up black belts.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3957

  60. They told me. After. You see, I used to run with a very tough crowd. Street Fighter types. Real, real bad people, I'm just lucky I got out.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3959

  61. And after that, nobody ever messed with the 'Damn Rascals' ever again.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3964

  62. You were a Jet?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3966

  63. Yes, in theory, I have. I just need to cross some t's and dot some i's. Alright, I'm going to be in my office if anybody needs me. Hoo-hah. Oh, wow, sleeper hold. That's my rebuttal. Shhh. Hoo. You are the weakest link.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3968

  64. I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends - I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments. And that's when it is nice to let them know that you can beat them up.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3970

  65. Just hit me. You'll see.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3971

  66. Oh, queer... eye. Queer eye. That's a good show. Important show. Go ahead. Do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3973

  67. Oh yeah, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of fourteen year old girls who can kick his ass.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3975

  68. Look, Dwight is a wuss. When we rented 'Armageddon'...

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3978

  69. ... he cried at the end of it. He did.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3980

  70. Oh, Bruce Willis. Are they going to leave him on the asteroid?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3982

  71. Ok, here we go. Alright, come on.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3984

  72. Fuuuaaaahhhhh... oohhhhh!

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3986

  73. Yeah. Thank you.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3989

  74. Go away.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 3999

  75. I haven't signed them, ok?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4001

  76. Come in. Um, Pam, I hate to break this to you but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. He's just not tough enough.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4003

  77. Oh, I could beat up Dwight. That's ridiculous. I could murder him.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4005

  78. Oh, so that's what they are saying?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4007

  79. Ok, alright, where is Dwight?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4009

  80. Ok.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4011

  81. Watch out Kelly, he might sucker punch you.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4017

  82. No, Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4019

  83. Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, was for one punch which I absorbed. I had no idea that there would be a second punch. So, catch-22.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4021

  84. Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches: me punching you and you hitting the floor.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4023

  85. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4025

  86. You know what? You're just lucky that we are at work right now.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4027

  87. No, they must have class.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4029

  88. Look...

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4031

  89. Hey, Toby.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4034

  90. I've got an idea: why don't you leave right now. Why don't you walk away from the room, 'kay? Fine. We'll go at lunch. Pam, make an announcement. Figure out carpools.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4036

  91. I recognize that. That is Japanese for California Roll.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4038

  92. I think it is. A guy told me about that.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4040

  93. Oh.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4042

  94. Alotta rules. Alotta rules. On the street we didn't have any rules. Maybe one - no kicks to the groin, home for dinner.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4055

  95. Hey!

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4058

  96. What the hell was that?

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4060

  97. No.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4063

  98. Alright, that's the way you want it.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4065

  99. Play dirty, huh? Ok, game on, man.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4067

  100. I'm comin' atcha man. Ok, purple belt, ok. I got him.

    Season 2 · Episode 6 · Line 4069