Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 13

Hey, you. Big Jim. And Phyllis. Working hard, Phyllis?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3776

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3778

Keep it up. And there's Stanley. No costume? Well, no, not trying to fit in. I wish I had your confidence, I really do.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3780

No, no. What could possibly be wrong? Everything's great. Just keep living your lives. Everything's gonna be fine. You are all such wonderful, innocent people.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3782

What? What?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3786

Fine. If you are so anxious to see a head roll, it's you. There. You brought it on yourself. Too bad. Can't say that I'm sorry. It's a relief.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3788

You asked for a name, I gave you a name. Now you're not doing your job. Why don't you just resign?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3790

Just know that if I could have fired you, I would have.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3792

I'm going to have to do this Sopranos-style. Just whack him. Guys, could you take the freight elevator, please?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3794

You know what? That's my foot.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3796

You guys...

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3798

I will handle it in the best way possible, but in case he or she goes postal, you will be available to subdue. Am I correct?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3801

I don't know. Hey, are you on our payroll or are you employed by the building?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3803

Oh, shoot. Okay, well, just have your pepper spray ready.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3805

All right. All right, this is it. By the time I get back to our floor, I will have decided. Wow, that's a fast elevator.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3807

I have a proposal, everybody. Listen up. Now, Corporate has been really breathing down my neck to make some pay cuts, but I refuse to fire anyone. So, I was thinking that maybe all of you would take a 10% pay cut and that would save the money. Yeah?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3808

Okay, great. Fine. Well, then, if anyone is annoyed later at what goes down, you know who to blame. Stanley. Not the guy who was trying to be creative.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3810

Leave me alone, okay?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3812

Do you want some coffee?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3813

Oh, wow. How long have you worked here? How many years, Creed?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3815

Yeah, that's right. Fifteen years and three months. Wow, you were hired before I was. Must be thinking about retirement.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3817

Why?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3819

It's just that you never got married and you live in an apartment.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3821

Yeah.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3823

Just trying to be your friend.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3825

Of course, I did. I always... Yes, I do.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3827

Are you pulling my leg or...

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3829

You have no clue why I've asked you in here?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3831

Oh, here we go. This... um, here's the deal.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3833

Yes. Actually, I have. I have been on a hunting trip. I shot a deer in the leg. I had to... I had to hit him, I had to hit him with a shovel for about an hour, so he... That's good eating, though. Venison's very gamey. It's hard to watch, though. It's hard to... It's hard to hit another living thing in the face with a shovel for about an hour. That... I haven't been hunting since then. I, I... 'Cause that's, you know, where's the joy in that? Where's the... There's no sport, really. Especially when you're the one with the shovel. And they're the one just lying there. Um... I would have rather hit it with my car or something and just... I was just smacking the hell out of that thing. That was a mess. And we just left him there. I didn't eat it. I didn't want to eat that. That guy. Why do you ask?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3834

His name was Devon.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3836

The human being man's name was Devon.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3838

Yes, yes, yes.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3840

Yes, it is.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3842

Uh, well, I am. A little. Justifiably. My Halloween is ruined.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3844

Do you? I don't think you do. Devon was one of my best buddies. And now he hates me.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3846

You're glad?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3848

Thanks. Thanks so much. You think it was good?

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3850

Think I did a good job? Great. I feel good. I'm gonna give myself a pat on the back.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3852

There. I'm doing it. Right there. Great.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3854

Yeah, blah, blah, blah.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3858

You people are revolting. By far, the least popular people here. I should have fired you. Who knew Devon was so popular and had so many friends. So well-loved.

Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3860

I don't want to work, I just want to bang on this mug all day.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3898

Uhh, yes, I did, here's the dizzle. I have a very top secret mission for you. I want you to update all the emergency contact information.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3900

Hello, oh God, busy work. Ahh, get away, cretin.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3902

Yes, thank you. I know where to sign.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3904

Last year they were out of order, weren't they Pam?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3906

Chillax, Pam. Stop Pam-M-S-ing. That's pretty good. Um, actually, I'm sending Ryan on a top secret mission. Tell her what it is.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3908

Is it a priority? Oh I don't know, um, what if there is a tornado, Pam? People's legs are crushed under rubble. 'Please, would you be so kind as to call my wife? No, I can't because we don't have any emergency contact information because Pam said it wasn't a priority.' Think. Think with your head, Pam. Ok, well. She walks out. That's the problem with being a boss is that when you are tough they resent you and when you are cool they walk all over you.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3911

Catch-22. Yes. Why don't you give me your contact information to start with, ok, what's your cell?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3913

Hey Ryan. This is Michael Jackson calling from Wonderland.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3918

This is Tito.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3920

Calling from...

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3922

Pick up.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3932

This is Mike Tyson.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3934

And this is more a ying-yang thing. The 'Michael' all cursive, the 'Scott' all caps. Left brain, right brain. Or, duality of man.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3947

Yeah, yeah, I don't think that would happen.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3953

Because I would kick his ass.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3955

So? I've beaten up black belts.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3957

They told me. After. You see, I used to run with a very tough crowd. Street Fighter types. Real, real bad people, I'm just lucky I got out.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3959

And after that, nobody ever messed with the 'Damn Rascals' ever again.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3964

You were a Jet?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3966

Yes, in theory, I have. I just need to cross some t's and dot some i's. Alright, I'm going to be in my office if anybody needs me. Hoo-hah. Oh, wow, sleeper hold. That's my rebuttal. Shhh. Hoo. You are the weakest link.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3968

I'm friends with everybody in this office. We're all best friends - I love everybody here. But sometimes your best friends start coming into work late, and start having dentist appointments that aren't dentist appointments. And that's when it is nice to let them know that you can beat them up.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3970

Just hit me. You'll see.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3971

Oh, queer... eye. Queer eye. That's a good show. Important show. Go ahead. Do it.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3973

Oh yeah, that would be kind of worthless because I know a ton of fourteen year old girls who can kick his ass.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3975

Look, Dwight is a wuss. When we rented 'Armageddon'...

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3978

... he cried at the end of it. He did.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3980

Oh, Bruce Willis. Are they going to leave him on the asteroid?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3982

Ok, here we go. Alright, come on.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3984

Fuuuaaaahhhhh... oohhhhh!

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3986

Yeah. Thank you.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3989

Go away.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 3999

I haven't signed them, ok?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4001

Come in. Um, Pam, I hate to break this to you but Dwight can't stop you from being mugged. He's just not tough enough.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4003

Oh, I could beat up Dwight. That's ridiculous. I could murder him.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4005

Oh, so that's what they are saying?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4007

Ok, alright, where is Dwight?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4009

Ok.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4011

Watch out Kelly, he might sucker punch you.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4017

No, Really?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4019

Really? Well, the offer, Dwight, was for one punch which I absorbed. I had no idea that there would be a second punch. So, catch-22.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4021

Look, if we were in a bar right now, there would be two punches: me punching you and you hitting the floor.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4023

Really?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4025

You know what? You're just lucky that we are at work right now.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4027

No, they must have class.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4029

Look...

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4031

Hey, Toby.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4034

I've got an idea: why don't you leave right now. Why don't you walk away from the room, 'kay? Fine. We'll go at lunch. Pam, make an announcement. Figure out carpools.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4036

I recognize that. That is Japanese for California Roll.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4038

I think it is. A guy told me about that.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4040

Oh.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4042

Alotta rules. Alotta rules. On the street we didn't have any rules. Maybe one - no kicks to the groin, home for dinner.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4055

Hey!

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4058

What the hell was that?

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4060

No.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4063

Alright, that's the way you want it.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4065

Play dirty, huh? Ok, game on, man.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4067

I'm comin' atcha man. Ok, purple belt, ok. I got him.

Season 2 · Episode 6 · Quote 4069

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 13)