thedundies.com

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 109)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 109 of 122

  1. No, just power it down. No, no, no, no, no. Not on Angela's boob. Come on. Come on. Luke, seriously.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38595

  2. Okay.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38597

  3. All right. Okay. Good job. Okay, email accounts. So we're starting with account setup-

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38599

  4. Okay, can I have that?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38603

  5. Ok, I am going to count down from five.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38605

  6. I'm not kidding.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38607

  7. Give-okay. Alright, give it up.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38609

  8. You are going to learn to be more professional, Luke!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38611

  9. That's what you're going to do, Luke!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38613

  10. I had to do that.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38615

  11. All right. Are we good? You're okay. He's okay. There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38617

  12. Yes, of course. What is this in reference to?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38625

  13. Would have been nice to work with my family. It would have been nice if Luke had been able to stay here. But he couldn't. These things seldom work out. I don't know how Ringling Brothers do it. Night after night, town after town, all across America. You would think they'd be sick of each other by now. But, clearly, they make it work. And my hat's off to them.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38643

  14. That's it? Really? That's nothing. All right. That's highway robbery.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38646

  15. I can do that.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38648

  16. Okay. Wait, what?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38650

  17. Is there another option?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38652

  18. This is the worst! You are the worst! I hate looking at your face! I wanna smash it!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38686

  19. Ok, you know what? I made a mistake. I committed corporate punishment. My bad. It's over. It's done. But my punishment is ... um ... worse than hell.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38687

  20. I know what you want to ask me. 'Did your mom ever see you naked?'

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38689

  21. So you can molest me? Oh, ok. I don't think so. We're going to leave the blinds open so every one can see what a big failure you are. That's the key.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38691

  22. One hour.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38733

  23. One hour. We've done one hour. Let's just speed this up, ok? Keep it moving. I want to do all six hours today.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38735

  24. No, no, no! I know my rights! All I had to do was sit here for six hours. Do my time.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38737

  25. You know, do you have any idea how angry this is making me?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38739

  26. Yes, I will. I will talk alright. Be careful what you wish for Toby.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38742

  27. Toby, can I really tell you anything?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38759

  28. Well, the other night, I was sitting at the table, eating my penis... I mean peas. That was weird. Aaaah... weird. I think that was ... I was probed. By an alien life form. An A.L.F. Alf, you know, I might have actually been probed by Alf. You might think he's a puppet. You never see the lower half. But there is a lower half.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38761

  29. And I was raised by wolves. I was 25 years old before I saw my first human being. Wait, is it a full moon tonight?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38796

  30. Yes, Yes. They are all fake stories. What sort of twisted mind would come up with weird stories like that? Three hours. We're half way done.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38798

  31. This is plenty complicated.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38818

  32. I've played it once or twice with Jeff.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38820

  33. Jeff was my mother's boyfriend, who she married.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38822

  34. Yeah, Yeah. I guess I never thought about it that way, though.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38824

  35. Yeah. You know what? He took me to a baseball game once, I remember. It was weird though. They took the pitcher out of the game. I felt really bad, because the pitcher wasn't able to play with his friends anymore. But Jeff said that the manager was making a really good move, by taking the pitcher out. He really respected the manager.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38826

  36. I was afraid I would find him in the park, playing with another kid.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38834

  37. I guess that's why I thought he ran away in the first place. To find a kid he liked better.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38836

  38. Right. Why would a dog do that? That's silly.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38838

  39. When I hear myself say it, it sounds ridiculous. But I've never said it out loud, so...

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38840

  40. Well, lets not get too... This isn't a counseling session... Ok. Son of a gun. Son of a bitch. Wow! Ok.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38842

  41. You. Bitch. God! You're very helpful aren't you? You try to help everybody. Do you want to play another game?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38844

  42. You are good. But you know what? You can't help people. You couldn't help your marriage. You lose. I don't need your help. Nobody needs your help. Nobody wants it! You can't help anybody. I don't need your help! Am I going to make you cry?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38846

  43. Ok.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38848

  44. You'll do. . . ok. Filled out. Good. Thank you doctor. Take two of these and call me in the morning.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38850

  45. You forged them! You forged the forms!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38915

  46. Yes.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38917

  47. Yes, but you had me so worked up that I made a mistake.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38919

  48. You don't make a mistake on purpose, Toby! Then it is no longer a mistake... Gabe. He messed it up. He messed up the forms, I bet... 'I mess everything up so I can fix it and keep my job! Bah! Good thing I'm here cause I do nothing. I make everybody nervous!' Ah, ok. Got your notebook? Alright. Alright, lets bang this out. Let's do it to it!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38921

  49. That was amazing! That was awesome! I auditioned for this. When did the cast list go up?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38931

  50. Really? They didn't call me. Who am I playing? ...Andy?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38933

  51. Andy, what time's the show?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38942

  52. How long is it?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38944

  53. Nope, can't make it.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38946

  54. They say that no one can take your pride, but the people who cast Andy's play, they took mine.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38947

  55. I can't Andy, it's too hard. That's-I put everything I had into that audition. Do you understand that?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38953

  56. Wow.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38955

  57. I wish I could, Andy, but I can't. I have plans that night. I'm going to see a friend in a play called Sweeney Todd. You're that friend. I'm going to see your play.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38957

  58. And scene.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38959

  59. Oh, hey guys.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38981

  60. I did, because I am being the bigger man, and balloons are bigger than flowers.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38983

  61. Yes.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38985

  62. Nope.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38987

  63. This is ridiculous. You'd think they'd discourage people from bringing in balloons.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38995

  64. No, Darryl. This guy's a world-class actor. He doesn't daylight as your plumber.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38997

  65. Are you kidding me?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38999

  66. All right, I'm sorry. God.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39001

  67. Hello.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39011

  68. Okay.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39013

  69. Okay.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39015

  70. Yes.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39017

  71. Good.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39019

  72. You enjoy the second act.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39021

  73. Thank you. You, too.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39023

  74. How is that funny?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39039

  75. Boo! Boo!

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39071

  76. Mmm! Fruit is so much better when it's dried. I've already eaten, like, 30 apricots.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39075

  77. Yeah, good job. Well done.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39082

  78. Hmm? No, there were a lot of people booing you. I wasn't one of em.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39084

  79. Get your eyes checked, chucklehead.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39086

  80. Well, he was getting a lot of applause, and I just didn't think it was indicative of how people were really feeling.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39090

  81. That would never happen.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39092

  82. Okay. I appreciate the feedback.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39094

  83. I don't like that at all.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39096

  84. Hey, what's going on here? Post-show blues?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39129

  85. Yeah, I get those every day after work.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39131

  86. Oscar. Enough with the sass, please. God! What is wrong with you? Andy, listen to me. Look me in the eye. I thought that you were awesome.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39136

  87. I am not just saying that. You can trust that I am telling you the truth. I booed someone tonight. I have no filter. And if I thought you were terrible, I would have booed. And if I thought you had done a better job, I would be saying nicer things right now. But I thought that you were exactly awesome. No better, no worse.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39138

  88. I did not say that to make you feel good. I just said it. Total integrity.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39140

  89. Come on, Andy, seriously.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39144

  90. In the criminal justice system, the people are defended by two separate but equally important groups, the police who investigate the crimes and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories. Kun-kun! I'm just a cleaning lady. Aah! A dead body. He wrapped his belt around his own neck. It looks like a classic case of autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, looks like everyone's tightening their belts in this economy. Last time you saw the victim, was he happy? Last time I saw this John, he was-he wasn't a victim, if you know what I'm talkin about.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39148

  91. No, that was- I'm just getting into the first act.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39150

  92. Good morning Erin, any mustaches? I mean messages?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39192

  93. There are many reasons a man would wear a fake mustache to work. He is a fan of the outrageous. He loves to surprise! He loves... other things as well.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39194

  94. Look, It's a pimple Phyllis. Avrile Lavigne gets them all the time and she rocks harder than anyone alive.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39196

  95. You mean cancer?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39198

  96. It is?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39202

  97. Just a cold sore, thank you. Phyllis, I don't have acne. I have a cold sore. I don't even have a cold. I don't know how I got it.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39204

  98. How?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39206

  99. What?

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39208

  100. Yeah! My last physical when I was forty.

    Season 7 · Episode 4 · Line 39215