Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 111

All right.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39595

Buh-bye. I could swear that guy was a male model.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39597

Oh, thank you. All right. On the count of three, it's showtime. Ready, one, two--

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39599

Okay, you know-all right, just forget it then.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39602

It's showtime! Oh...never mind. Let's go.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39604

When I knock on your door, you know who it is; it's Michael Scott. We've been together forever and we-

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39605

You know what? You are having some problems with your loading dock, are you not? All right. We're going to deliver to you on weekends.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39607

And you know what else we're gonna do? I can't believe I'm gonna say this...we are going to offer you our paper at cost. I know. I could get in a lotta trouble for this, so you'd better shake my hand right now.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39609

Shake it, shake it!

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39611

Okay. Thank you.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39615

Thanks, Steve.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39617

Stop it. Just stop it. We did what we should have done, we just got bested. Why is there a door close button if it doesn't even close the door?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39621

How do I feel about losing the sale? It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, jumped in the pool, belly-flopped, and drowned.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39622

You know who we always lose out to? Staples, the big guys. Osprey? They're a small company. They're smaller than we are. What's our excuse? How do we combat this guy? Stanley, how do we combat him?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39623

Okay. You know what? You clearly don't care, so why don't you just leave?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39625

Why don't you go outside and...take a shot of insulin and have a nap, okay?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39627

I don't know, your frame, your build-why don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me you're not a diabetic. See? I could tell by the sound you made when you stood up that you have-okay. Yes, Phyllis?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39629

Oh, my god!

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39631

You know what this is? This is a stinger.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39639

Like the movie.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39641

Paul Newman, Robert Redford. They're bank robbers.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39643

Shhh! Hey! That's my mug.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39654

Yes.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39656

Oh, no, no. No. Don't-

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39673

Testify.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39675

Yeah, he is that good-looking.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39677

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39679

Pull it together, all right? Stop lookin' at him.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39681

Oh...my god! He's making her sell to him.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39685

Stay-

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39699

Oh!

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39704

Don't let us down.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39733

No, no, no....

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39739

I'm goin 'in!

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39741

Stop, stop! Oh, my god! Okay. Stop it, stop it, stop it. Gross! Stop it, please. Everybody, stop.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39743

I said stop. Okay, Danny...this is not Pennsylvania Solartech. This is Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. This is Meredith Palmer-

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39745

Don't! Get away from him. Please, just leave. Get out of here. Go. Forever.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39747

I owe you...a most sincere and humble apology. We were trying to watch you to see your sales technique, so we could stop losing so many clients to you.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39749

A surveillance room next to this one.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39751

Yes. And it's the sincerest form of flattery.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39753

Well-

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39755

Okay. You know what, it wasn't just me. Jim and Dwight are behind that wall in the surveillance room and it was their plan as well.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39757

No, we don't. Here's-here's my point. Danny, listen, you have to understand that we are not normally like this. We just-we wanted to know your tricks.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39761

You are, you are. You are! Stop it, stop it. Stop. You are a good salesman. And because of that...I want you to work for me.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39763

So, you will?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39765

Hold it, hold it. Hold on, hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait. Danny, I want you to look at me. Do you want your life to be better...or to be worse or to stay the same?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39767

Answer the question. Do you want a better life, Danny?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39769

I know, I know.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39771

Do you want more freedom, less freedom, or to stay the same?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39773

I can give you more money-there's your better life. I can let you come and go as you please-there's your freedom. And you already know Dunder-Mifflin has the best service and the best prices, but you beat us anyway. Can you imagine how well you would do selling our stuff?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39775

Everyone, may I have your attention? I would like to introduce you to Mr. Danny Cordray. He is going to be joining us as our new traveling salesman. Say hello to Danny!

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39776

O-kay. You know what? No. No. This is not some sort of construction site...or all of Italy, where you can just go around treating people like meat. We are to respect him. I respect him because he reminds me of somebody. Can anybody guess who that is?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39778

No. No. No. Somebody in this office.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39781

No, me. Right? Sorta like...a little younger version of me.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39784

Yes.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39787

No, you may not.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39789

I said no.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39791

We're not-

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39793

Okay. Let's-all right, all right. Let's talk. Please don't let him leave. Don't leave. Don't let him.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39795

Guys, let me ask you something. Do you want your life to be better or worse or stay the same?

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39798

Okay. Well...get ready, 'cause it's gonna get better.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39800

No, no. Wrong. He would have stolen your clients, but you know what? He can't now. This guy used to steal sales from us; now, he's going to steal sales for us.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39802

He doesn't need to sit, he's a traveling salesman. Look, I am not going to exclude good people from our staff simply because they are threatening to you. And unless you have a better argument than that, I suggest you leave.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39804

Good-bye!

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39807

This morning, Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. So what do I do? I go out and I steal Danny Cordray. The sale that mattered, I made. Boom. Funny thing about it, we don't even need him. We already have Packer on the road. Chhguuh! Crap. I forgot about Packer.

Season 7 · Episode 5 · Quote 39849

All right, everybody, take a seat. As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales!

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39871

A lot of people are really getting into Halloween this year! Six seconds, MacGruber! Pam's got a lot of fun stuff planned! Uh, two seconds MacGruber! Including a... costume contest, and bobbing for apples, and a Ouija board... OHHH! BOOM! OHH EXPLOSION! MACGRUBERRRR!

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39880

MACGRUBER!

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39892

Oh, here we go!

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39894

OH! Who likes to water ski on Lake Erie? No wai-where does Dracula like to water ski?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39896

So, wait, drivers are going to be able to sell paper on the road?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39899

Blackula!

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39905

Oh, so... I almost forgot. You'll find this hilarious. Apparently corporate is going to have drivers sell paper on their routes now. That's like, exactly sort of the idea that you had.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39907

Yeah. I'm sorry. I blew this. You should have gotten credit for that, man.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39909

Really? We're good?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39911

Okay. Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39913

Oh. It's a ream of paper. Thought you might hit me.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39915

Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39916

Erin! Would you please do me a solid and get Darryl Philbin on the speakerphone?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39953

Hi, Darryl, come out here, please.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39955

You need to stop being so shy, come out here, and embrace who you really are, superstar!

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39957

Yeah, I bet it is! If you're gonna do your job well here, you gotta get used to being embarrassed.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39959

This whole delivery slash sales idea? You know whose idea that was? That was Darryl Philbin's. He thought of that way before the corporate fat suits.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39962

I got in the way. I said no. And it just stopped. But then corporate comes up with this idea, but you know what? They need to know that it was yours. And I don't care if I take a bullet. We're gonna call them, we're gonna put them on speakerphone right now...

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39964

And we are going to straighten this out.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39966

Mmhm!

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39968

I'm a little peeved at Darryl right now.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39970

No, he didn't go behind my back. He went over my head.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39972

What is taking someone from behind?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39974

It was a good idea, though.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 39976

What the hell are they talking about?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40005

Do you think that Kevin is going over my head? I don't-Oh my GOD. Okay. All right. All right. You know what? That's inappropriate, Kevin. I am your boss, and if you have something to say, it goes through me, and then I take it to Gabe. Chain of command. Do you understand?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40007

Oh, you're sorry?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40009

What did you just thought?

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40011

All right.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40013

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40015

Well, don't let it happen again.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40017

I-

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40019

Okay, this whole going over my head-gate? Is making people act weird. The chain of command is crumbling. Do you know what just happened? I just made Kevin cry. And Gabe looks like Lady Gaga. That's not Halloween. Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40037

You went over my head. And then you lied to my face. So my head and my face have taken a beating.

Season 7 · Episode 6 · Quote 40039

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 111)