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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 108)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 108 of 122

  1. Really? A baby otter? Okay, um, count me in as who cares. It's not even that interesting a baby otter, it can't even stand up. It's trying to stand up... there it goes.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38184

  2. Jo! We were not expecting you!

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38186

  3. Jo, Jo, I can assure you it was no one in this office.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38194

  4. Absolutely. Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38196

  5. There is no reason for anyone here to sign this, because I know everything there is to know about these people. I know when their birthdays are, I know what their favorite kind of cake is, I know what color streamers they like...

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38201

  6. Yes, yes, but it shows a bigger picture.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38203

  7. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38205

  8. We should give him a one-way ticket to Montego Bay, where they keep all the al-Qaeda.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38208

  9. Yes. You put them in jail for a long time, you put them in jail for as long as you can.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38210

  10. I want these people to really pay, I want them to suffer. I'd prefer it if they died, 'cause it's not right.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38212

  11. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38214

  12. Ridiculous, Angela. And like I'm going to believe one of his spermed lovers.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38227

  13. Is there something that you would like to say to me?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38238

  14. About talking to the press?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38240

  15. Mmhmm.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38242

  16. I don't believe you.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38244

  17. That's a little much. All right, all right, all right.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38246

  18. Okay, I believe you, I believe you.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38248

  19. Did you tell anyone outside of this office that the printers were catching on fire?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38250

  20. Oh, no, no, no...

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38252

  21. Oh my god. Was she cute?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38254

  22. Oh, god, Darryl!

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38256

  23. I basically swore up and down that none of my employees did it, and then I find out that one of my best ones did. And now he's probably going to get fired for it. And if that is not poetic justice, I don't know what is.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38257

  24. You leaked it?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38281

  25. I don't know what the best plan is, Pam. Oh god... my mind is going a mile an hour.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38283

  26. Oh.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38285

  27. Two whistleblowers... two! I always thought Darryl and Pam might get me fired for something I said.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38286

  28. So see you in Meredith's van in five minutes.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38288

  29. No, you know what's messed up? This situation all up in here is what's messed up! We need to brainstorm, we need to get out of this! Brain hurricane. Come on, think.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38292

  30. What do we got?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38294

  31. It's okay, she's cool, she also whistle-blew.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38298

  32. Hey, hey, it's as interesting as a morgue.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38300

  33. Okay, here's what we do. I say we just smash all the computers. We destroy the evidence. No evidence, no case.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38305

  34. No. Okay, not all the computers, just our computers.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38307

  35. Just don't say no.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38310

  36. That's just what we need, another black man in prison. You know, let's just...

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38313

  37. Okay. You can count on me.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38315

  38. Hey Jo.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38321

  39. I was thinking about our little leak problem. I was up all lunch thinking about what we should do to this individual. You know what I think we should do? We make 'em come to work, and we work 'em, and we make 'em sit next to all the people they screwed over. And, and we pay 'em but we make 'em feel like they did something really wrong. The one question I have is, do we give them a Christmas bonus? I say yes, it's Christmas, but right after they're back in the thick of it.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38323

  40. What?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38325

  41. It doesn't matter what I know.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38326

  42. Why?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38328

  43. Well, deal with this.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38330

  44. What?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38332

  45. Are you going to kill me?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38334

  46. Are we going some place far away? I know you said no questions, but... I have an early dinner that I need to get to... with the Chief of Police.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38341

  47. I have rights.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38353

  48. I am not going to tell you anything.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38355

  49. Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38357

  50. Whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38359

  51. And my new favorite restaurant sucks... I bought a video camera last year, and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only like twelve minutes that I felt was worth taping the whole year. And most of that was just birds in my condo complex. What is that? ... I miss Holly.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38361

  52. Holly Flax from the Nashua branch. Best HR rep that Dunder Mifflin has ever seen. It's not been a blockbuster year for me financially. My Blockbuster stock is down.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38363

  53. Hmm, hmm.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38387

  54. You know, I would be willing, under the right circumstances, to do that for you.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38389

  55. I, I surely do, and don't call me honey. You were playing too.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38391

  56. We at Sabre have betrayed the trust that we have built with our customers. We regret our slow response and our lapse in candor and judgment. At this time, we are issuing a full recall of all Sabre GH400 printers. We will not rest until this problem is solved. There will be no questions. Are there any questions?

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38406

  57. That was fun.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38408

  58. Thanks. Today helped.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38410

  59. Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38412

  60. [performs magic-tricks while lip-syncing]

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38424

  61. I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected even though I peed on it. Saw 'Inception.' Or at least I dreamt I did.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38432

  62. He's not the worst, okay? He's not the worst. You know who's the worst? That intern we had a few years ago. That guy-remember? Eeeh! That face, how ugly he was? He was the worst. Good worker, though. Ah! It's not cappuccino.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38462

  63. It's just coffee, guys! But, yeah, I'll look into it, okay?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38465

  64. Okay, rude. Luke, I want you to go to the supermarket for me.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38488

  65. To get some ice cream for everybody. It's national ice cream afternoon. Great.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38490

  66. And another thing I did this summer, I hired my nephew.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38491

  67. Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother, who also happens to be my half-sister, kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years a- 14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of 'Ace Ventura II' and that was '95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38492

  68. Don't bother Luke.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38493

  69. That means don't. Haven't you seen Ghostbusters, Pam?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38495

  70. No, it... Yes, okay, right. All right, yep. My bad. I got it. Here we go.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38497

  71. Come on. Okay, um... That's as clear as I can make it.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38499

  72. Because I don't want it getting back to Sabre that we're yelling at assistants. I think it would reflect poorly on us.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38501

  73. Nope, it won't be Gabe but actually, there is somebody in the office that is very, very close to Luke.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38504

  74. Well, Dwight, he wiped his butt. Is that close enough for you?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38506

  75. No. No, Toby. He's not. Yes he is. He's my nephew.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38509

  76. Luke is my nephew.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38511

  77. Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38513

  78. Do you think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38515

  79. God, when he needed help on Earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38518

  80. Thank you.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38520

  81. No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38522

  82. Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38524

  83. Because I wanted you to come to me and say, 'Wow, he is so great.' And I was gonna say, 'Well, it's in the genes.' And I was actually gonna be wearing jeans. And I'd point to them, right? No. But you ruined it. So, thank you very much. Here he comes. Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew. Hey, there he is.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38527

  84. Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38529

  85. Ok, you know what? Just -just back off! Back off!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38540

  86. All right, those might be his. He might own an Ebay store.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38542

  87. Ok, ok. You know what? This is disgusting. This is like a witch hunt. This is like the Blair Witch Hunt project.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38544

  88. I'm reconsidering sending them back anyway.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38548

  89. Wait a minute.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38550

  90. Don't-all right. Well, ok, you've just committed a felony.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38552

  91. No, I know they fit. It's not about the fit.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38557

  92. Because Gabe tattled. I was perfectly happy to just hide it from you.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38559

  93. You don't have all the facts.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38562

  94. I love him.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38564

  95. No. No. He's my nephew.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38566

  96. Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38568

  97. I will cover his ass like moss on a Mississippi tree stump.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38570

  98. Luke and I have been working side-by-side as master and commander. Me as master, he as commander. Occasionally he will need a little push, and I will do that, and he'll slow down, and I'll push him again. That's the thing with kids, you have to keep pushing. You have to push them until they push you back. And then you push some more. It's all about give and take, but mostly it's about pushing each other.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38572

  99. Luke is going to use his laser pointer to point to account setup. You click on that first, then a whole new-Not, no, no, no! Luke, come on. Come on. Not on Oscar's head. Alright. Luke, come on. Stop it!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38591

  100. Give me the pointer.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38593