Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 73)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 73 of 76

1. It. That kid doesn't put in some farm time, he's gonna stay like that.

   Season 9 · Episode 17 · Line 57678

2. Seriously. Ugh. Ok, this is unacceptable. It's officially a hostile work environment.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57684

3. Phyllis is masturbating. In the office right now as we speak.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57691

4. OK, you are useless. I'll take care of this.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57699

5. It's OK guys, she's no longer horny.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57701

6. Clark, I need your advice. I'm having some lady troubles.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57705

7. Esther Ruger.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57707

8. Lives on the neighboring farm. 85 acres.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57709

9. Well, we've been out three times, there has been physicality but the thing is we were hanging out with her father the other night looking at a farm catalog, next thing I know he wants to lease a tractor with me.

   Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57711

10. What do you think?

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57713

11. A long term tractor lease is going to put pressure on a relationship.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57715

12. Esther's on her way up. I wonder if she wants a snack. Let's see, I know she likes apples and carrots.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57754

13. Did I tell you about her teeth?

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57756

14. Ah, the Ruger family. Welcome.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57759

15. Yes. Esther, you look radiant as always.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57761

16. Mr. Ruger, are you trying to take advantage of me because I'm interested in your daughter? Fifty fifty split or no deal.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57837

17. Ok ok ok, wait! You win.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57839

18. Security deposit. That's been-

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57846

19. Right, standard.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57848

20. No.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57850

21. No.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57852

22. I am closing a deal on a tractor with the father of a woman I plan to inseminate.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57854

23. What? Don't you cap that pen. Do not cap that pen! Do not! Ugh! You capped it. Wow. You are serious. Ok, you've got two minutes and then the cap comes off.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57856

24. Go on.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57858

25. No.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57860

26. What? Has the warranty expired on the auger you have now?

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57862

27. No woman would ever want a man who doesn't know what an auger is.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57864

28. I just need a moment to consider your offer. Excuse me.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57866

29. Maybe you're right. Esther's a ten and the best I've ever done is Angela who's a nine and she rejected me.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57951

30. Who needs a new tractor anyway? Maybe we're the kinda guys who end up with a tractor that's already been rode hard and put away muddy.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57953

31. By hand.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57955

32. I don't know that there's anything left for us to talk about, Esther.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57957

33. No.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57959

34. That snake!

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57961

35. That shady grove out by Willard's pond.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57963

36. So, you're fine with me not leasing the tractor? I mean, our courtship can proceed?

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57965

37. No!

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57967

38. Post hole digging.

    Season 9 · Episode 18 · Line 57969

39. Well, the alert was already set to 'Red' because of Stairmageddon. You think I should set it to 'Double Red'?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58013

40. What does Josh McAuliffe know about the paper business? He works for a news'thing.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58019

41. Well, I did say it would be an inconvenience. You should have called me from downstairs. We could've met in the lobby. It's time to go out on a sale! Here we go.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58032

42. The buyer is your sister's friend. This is the printing paper for the entire school district of Lackawanna. You are coming, and that's an order.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58034

43. Andy'I need to talk to you.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58069

44. Stanley is refusing to go out on a sales call.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58071

45. So what I'm hearing you say is, 'Make Stanley go out on the sales call by whatever means possible'?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58073

46. Mm-hmm. Good luck.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58075

47. For five years I've held my instincts in check because I wanted to be made manager. Maybe it's time for me to just let that thought go. It's kind of painful, but it's also freeing in a way. Now it's all about my instincts.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58077

48. Stanley, one way or another, you are gonna come with me to make this sale.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58079

49. Don't worry, it's just a bull tranquilizer. Nothing to be alarmed about. It's just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at a coworker.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58082

50. [fires tranquilizer gun at Stanley]

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58084

51. [fires tranquilizer gun twice]

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58087

52. It's all right. Andy approved it.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58089

53. Okay, this dosage was meant for a very small bull, and Stanley's got way more body fat than they do.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58092

54. Shh. Got about 45 minutes to get him to the client before he comes to. Grab his feet. Let's go!

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58094

55. Move it! One, two, three.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58096

56. He's like a manatee. Ready? Let's go again. Come on. We can do this. One, two, three! Oh, God... No wonder my elevator cables are under such strain.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58097

57. Yes.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58099

58. Okay, we're good. We're good. Let's go. Push!

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58100

59. I might see a movie.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58103

60. What about you?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58105

61. Let's take him'

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58107

62. Let's go right to the top of the stairs, okay?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58109

63. Okay, listen. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but I've never actually done this before.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58111

64. Thank you. I mean, I've rehearsed it in my head like 1,000 times, but, uh'

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58113

65. I know. Evel Knievel.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58115

66. [wraps tape around Stanley's body]

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58116

67. Okay, now here's the plan. I'm gonna launch him. I need you to go to the bottom and catch him.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58118

68. Yeah.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58120

69. You use your hands and just blunt his descent, okay? He's gonna be moving slowly. It's only'

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58122

70. It's 15 feet down, it's at a 45-degree angle. Get set in your haunches, it's like your catching a medicine'

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58124

71. Okay. Good call. He would have put a hole in your chest same as he put a hole in that wall.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58126

72. You okay?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58128

73. Almost there. Almost there. Okay. We're running late. Let's get him inside.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58173

74. Are you kidding me? The bubble wrap is the only thing that's stopping his suit from getting wrinkled. These meetings are all about presentation.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58175

75. Thank you.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58177

76. Let's get him inside.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58179

77. Well, I'll grab the forelegs, and you push his hindquarters.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58193

78. Fine, let's go.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58195

79. Hoist his shank on three.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58197

80. It's by the tenderloin.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58199

81. Roll him, roll him, roll him. Good. Good. Okay, careful, he's slouching. Okay, can you'sl-slouch him into the seat. Here. Here. Go around and get his seatbelt.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58200

82. Got it?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58202

83. Get in the back.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58204

84. Get in the back.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58206

85. Get in.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58208

86. Okay, Stanley? Do you understand what we're about to do?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58210

87. Oh, God, this is bad. Looks like we've got no choice. You, my friend, are going to have to be Stanley Hudson.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58214

88. New plan, okay? We get him a cup of coffee and we go back to the old plan. Let's go! Gimme a hand. Here we go. Come on, Stanley! Here we go. Upsie-doozie. There we go. Okay, all right. Come on, big guy. You can walk, right? Yeah. What a pretty smile. Let's go.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58216

89. And for'oh, whoopsie daisy.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58225

90. He's fine. He gets carsick really easily.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58227

91. It's a long drive. He was in the backseat. But right now we're talking to Mrs. Davis about the full range of the products that we offer and our competitive rates, right, Stanley?

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58229

92. Stanley.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58231

93. Look at him. I've never seen such a beautiful child.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58236

94. Like this? Watch.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58238

95. Right? Come on!

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58243

96. Yeah, maybe I'll never be manager, but I just managed to get our most stubborn salesman to close a sale with one of our biggest clients, and I must say, it's the most pleasant I've ever seen Stanley. I think we should consider injecting him with bull tranquilizer on a daily basis.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58244

97. You earned yourself a nice, fat commission and you didn't even know it. I'll go tell Andy the good news. Oh. Silly me. Gotta take the stairs.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58266

98. Well'no, no'n'

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58268

99. We need a winch and a hoist.

    Season 9 · Episode 19 · Line 58270

100. Yesterday was the first round of a branch wide paper airplane contest. It was being sponsored by Weyer-Hammer Paper in an effort to get us to sell more of their new product Airstream Deluxe A4, the Cadillac of paper. It's not so easy on the environment, if you know what I mean. Practically made of plastic.

     Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58277