Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 74)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 74 of 76

1. I'm pumped!

   Season 9 · Episode 20 · Line 58320

2. I offered myself to Angela and she turned me down. If she changes her mind, the next move is hers. I'm with Esther now. She's younger than Angela, sturdier, more comfortable with the scent of a manured field. Let's be honest. When it came to manured fields, Angela was at best indifferent.

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3. Hey, that is a really nice plane. You make that yourself?

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4. Well, what am I thinking? Of course you made that yourself. Cause it's in the rules that you have to fold your own plane.

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5. I call for a refold!

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6. It's a piece of paper. You fold it into an airplane.

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7. Whoo!

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8. Come on Clark!

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9. Whoa!

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10. Watch and learn.

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11. Yes!

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12. Oh, Esther.

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13. What are you- You're here early.

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14. I like a little feather in my nuggets.

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15. Yes. I pity her. She was recently in a situation where she could have had it all, and instead she lost everything.

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16. In a way. But not in a stand up and cheer kind of way, like the song.

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17. Yeah! Ok! Beat that! Whoo! Ok.

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18. After you.

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19. Oh! Oh man! It slipped out of my hand, what a whiff. Ah, how'd that happen? God.

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20. Alright.

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21. Attention, everyone. May I have your attention? There are four new deadly weapons in this office. Basher, Thrasher, Crasher and'

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58530

22. Smasher? No, where'd you get that? Fireball. This morning after hours of combat with some of the city's best teenagers I earned my black belt in Goju Ryu martial arts.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58532

23. I had to find a new dojo after sensei Ira and I parted ways. My new sensei, sensei Billy, thought I had more than enough training to take the test. Turns out, sensei Ira was a bit of a shyster. Sensei Billy says most students don't spend $150,000 over 20 years to get their black belt.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58533

24. I would like to invite you all to my black belt ceremony, right here in the office at lunch, lunch not provided.

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25. Ah! That's how it's done.

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26. He will now perform the ceremonial changing of the belts!

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27. Take my belt, master. I now submit to you every part of myself.

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28. Just slip it off my'Slip it off my hips.

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29. He will now perform the ceremonial cutting-off-of-the-belt.

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30. There it is.

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31. We did it, we did it. I love you.

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32. Thanks. I will now perform my final kata forms. You're gonna watch me right?

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33. Sensei, you're not watching.

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34. Watching?

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35. Watch this part, okay?

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36. You did not just say that! You don't know Pam. She is really cool.

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37. Yeah, I did. But I made too many mistakes. It's out of my reach now. Besides, I think Jim would be a fine manager. I'd be happy to see Jim as manager.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58626

38. You wanna get rid of a headache, you sit on something sharp. Any sensei will tell you that.

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39. Thank you. So I saw you talking to Wallace earlier. Is he going to offer you the manager's job?

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40. Yeah, right. I'm afraid that ship has sailed.

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41. Hello.

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42. Big day for you.

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43. Thank you.

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44. Oh, yes.

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45. This is exciting! You're finally gonna get to go out and flap your wings.

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46. Oh, I doubt you'll make it. Very few do who've tried to be a star. But, listen, you've saved up enough money to take a couple of years off to pursue your dream and have some fun, right?

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47. Andy, I have nothing to gain from getting you to stay, and everything to gain from you leaving. But please, I have known you for years, I have seen you perform. Dear god, don't quit your day job.

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48. You're bad.

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49. Say it again.

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50. Where?

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51. What branch?

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52. I'm sorry. I've just waited for this moment my entire life. I mean, I was interim manager once, but then I shot that gun.

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53. But this isn't interim manager. No. It's Dwight K. Schrute' Manager.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58697

54. In case Michael or Andy ever got killed in a traffic accident and there was a trade show on the same day. You will not regret this decision, David.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58699

55. I will never, ever let you down.

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56. David. Can I just do one thing while you're making this announcement and then I'll never, ever do it again?

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57. It's just one thing. Just let me'let me do this'

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58748

58. Just wait and send it to voicemail.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58750

59. Come on. Come on.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58752

60. Dwight Schrute is manager!

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61. Pam.

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62. Thank you, Jim.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58762

63. Get out of Jim's seat.

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64. You're an annex kid. You might be bullpen, we'll see. Give it a couple of years. Scram.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58766

65. So'

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66. I wanted to offer you a new position.

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67. Assistant regional manager.

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68. Jim.

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69. Shake on it? Done. Way to negotiate, idiot.

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70. So, all the numbers adding up?

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71. Thank you.

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72. Yes, it is. Carry on.

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73. You okay?

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58835

74. Yesterday I was just your average, ordinary paper salesman with a farm and a bunch of pipe dreams about beet fuel. Today, I leave here a regional manager with a black belt. It really is amazing how your life can change in one day.

    Season 9 · Episode 21 · Line 58861

75. Last week I finally became permanent manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. My first project: increase security. I got these doors from a jewelry store that had recently gone out of business. Now they're protecting America's real treasure, paper. Every morning I email the day's security codes. Something that's been really missing from my life has been writing secret codes. It's not the KGB, but it's a start.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58889

76. But the coffee in Peru is far hotter.

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77. This is Tuesday, right? The coffee in Paraguay is far hotter?

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78. The coffee in Paraguay is colder?

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79. Ah, much, ok.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58897

80. No, no. Give me the steam.

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81. It's just harmless steam to panic intruders. I'd like to get harmful steam, but the prices are absurd.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58900

82. Break protocol! Break protocol! Break protocol!

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83. Oh, don't worry. They'll get got.

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84. Manager of Dunder Mifflin? Check. Owner of a 1600-acre beet farm? Check. Engaged to be married to an actual milkmaid? Check' on that later today. This is my grandmother's ring. It was made from a bullet I took out of her left buttock. She was a moonshiner shot by Adolph Coors. This is my grandmother's buttock bullet ring.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58910

85. You know what to do. Ok

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86. Behind every great regional manager is a great assistant to the regional manager, and I have chosen one of the best.

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87. Once upon a time we were natural enemies, but we've overcome our differences. Much like Germany and Italy in World War'

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58919

88. Good call. Together we run a no-nonsense office.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58921

89. Welcome.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58931

90. Please take an agenda item.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58933

91. Have a seat, Phyllis. There we go. As you know, I like to begin each day with an inspirational quote. 'Some say the only failure there is is the failure to try.' That is wrong. Failure of any kind is failure. Jim, over to you.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58935

92. What is going on?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58942

93. Ok. Um, new agenda item. Phillip will be joining us in the office today.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58947

94. I'm letting you all off half an hour early to view the documentary. So you can make it up to me by working an extra half an hour tomorrow, or a minute extra for the rest of the month.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58951

95. Not now! Private time!

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58979

96. Hey, hey! Seriously?

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58981

97. Which is, of course'

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58983

98. Yes, good abbreviating, Jim. That saved some time. Now, hurry up, shut the door. Break it down for me.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58985

99. The power source.

    Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58987

100. A loyal, but bungling apostle.

     Season 9 · Episode 22 · Line 58989