Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 6)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 6 of 76

1. Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3145

2. People!

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3147

3. This is not a test! Move to the exits!

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3149

4. Head towards the exits.

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3151

5. Get up off your desks!

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3153

6. No, panic is warranted!

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3156

7. This is not at drill!

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3159

8. Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people! Step lively!

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3161

9. This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow!

   Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3163

10. This is not a test! Can you leave?!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3164

11. DO YOU WANT TO DIE?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3166

12. Do you want to die? OUT!!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3168

13. STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3170

14. Move to the exits!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3172

15. We've got smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! Gah! Oh, Kelly! You're okay! I've got you!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3174

16. Cover your nose and mouth. Breathe through your nose.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3176

17. Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3178

18. Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where is he? Where is he?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3183

19. Hey, Michael. Um... Ryan needs his number for the count off.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3187

20. NO!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3190

21. Okay, he can have 14. Marjory's not here today.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3192

22. Oh, you know what else? I thought of a nickname for the three of us. Three Musketeers.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3196

23. That's funny, too. But if we're the Three Musketeers...

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3198

24. Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories. Okay, there's a...

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3205

25. Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question: is there fire wood on the island?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3217

26. Then I would bring an axe, no books.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3219

27. Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3221

28. ...hollowed out, inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3223

29. Is this your car, Ryan?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3239

30. Good shocks.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3242

31. Do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3258

32. Keep an existing...

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3264

33. Yeah, but look, I mean, he didn't need business school. Okay, Michael comes from the school of hard knocks.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3268

34. Self taught. You didn't even go to college.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3270

35. Come on. I'm studying with the master, huh?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3272

36. You should learn from him, right?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3274

37. Right?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3276

38. Stupid!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3279

39. The Crow.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3297

40. Why didn't I go to business school?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3315

41. The temp.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3317

42. Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3319

43. He doesn't even know that I do that.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3321

44. Oh yeah, Pam. Right. That's going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3323

45. I'm sorry I said that, I didn't... just part of me meant it. Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3326

46. Oh Jim, I'm not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3328

47. Thanks you guys. I just need some alone time.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3330

48. Would that make you happy?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3356

49. If you had your cell phone, it would make you happy?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3358

50. I'm on it.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3360

51. [coughing]

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3387

52. Everyone, okay? Uh, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3389

53. That's exactly what I said.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3391

54. Were you absent?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3393

55. You failed?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3395

56. I have a song. Attention, everyone! That I want to sing. That I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready? Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3398

57. Everybody!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3400

58. ... Marilyn Monroe!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3404

59. Eat it! You gotta eat it. You have to eat it!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3406

60. Answer me this, though.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3429

61. Was it worth it? Was it worth it temp?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3431

62. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3434

63. The fire guy! The fire guy!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3436

64. Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Ryan started the fire!

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3437

65. I'm Michael's number two. He's one, I'm two. He's Alpha, I'm Beta. He's A, I'm B. It's easy. Whatever Michael is, I'm one less.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3443

66. Oh, my God. Ryan is gonna love these.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3445

67. That is so cool.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3447

68. Plus you can go, 'Rule five, see rule six. Rule six, see rule five.'

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3449

69. Kill or be killed.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3451

70. Shoot to kill, or kill to shoot.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3453

71. You could ask for an extension.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3455

72. I know Michael's every move. It's not something you can just pick up. I could write a book about him. Literally. I started once, but Michael made me stop.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3457

73. Hey, how's it going, man?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3458

74. Oh, nothing much. What's up with you?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3460

75. Good. Good, I'm good, too. How's it cracking?

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3462

76. You know what you would love? Guns N' Roses. When I was your age, I loved Guns N' Roses. Do you like Guns N' Roses? I'll make you a tape.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3464

77. I'll make you two tapes.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3466

78. Someday, temp. I've got a couple of shirts that don't fit so well anymore. I'll bring them by. Okay, see you later.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3468

79. Michael and I have a very special connection, like an umbilical cord. And the thing is with Ryan is that I don't want him to trip on it, or get it caught around his neck.

    Season 2 · Episode 4 · Quote 3469

80. What is that?! What are you supposed to be?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3553

81. Yeah, well look... What about me?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3557

82. I am a Sith Lord. Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me 129 dollars.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3559

83. Wait, what are you again? Oh, right... Three-hole PUNCH!

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3584

84. Jim. Definitely.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3602

85. Phyllis.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3604

86. Stanley. Pam. Oscar. Meredith. Kevin. Angela.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3606

87. One of the warehouse guys.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3608

88. Who is he saying?

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3610

89. No, Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3612

90. No, not me.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3614

91. Not Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3616

92. I know that's what he said.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3618

93. Tell him, not Dwight.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3620

94. Tell him to stop.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3622

95. Quiet, you.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3624

96. Make him be quiet.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3626

97. Stanley, could you come with me, please.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3637

98. As Assistant Regional Manager...

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3639

99. Look! I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go. I'm serious, Stanley. It's over. I'm sorry.

    Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3641

100. He wouldn't listen to me

     Season 2 · Episode 5 · Quote 3644