Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 6)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 6 of 76

1. Michael and I have a very special connection. He's like Batman, I'm like Robin. He's like the Lone Ranger, and I'm like Tonto. And it's not like there was the Lone Ranger, and Tonto, and Bonto.

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2. People!

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3. This is not a test! Move to the exits!

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4. Head towards the exits.

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5. Get up off your desks!

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6. No, panic is warranted!

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7. This is not at drill!

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8. Please, move quickly! This is a paper company, people! Step lively!

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9. This whole place is a tinder box, it is ready to blow!

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10. This is not a test! Can you leave?!

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11. DO YOU WANT TO DIE?

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12. Do you want to die? OUT!!

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13. STANLEY! Have you ever seen a burn victim?

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14. Move to the exits!

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15. We've got smoke! We've got smoke! Smoke! Gah! Oh, Kelly! You're okay! I've got you!

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16. Cover your nose and mouth. Breathe through your nose.

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17. Breathe through your nose. Remove your stockings. Okay? They'll melt right into your flesh! Stay below the smoke line. Let's go! Clear out, stat! STAT MEANS NOW!

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18. Okay, guys, listen up, we need a head count. We need to count off. Michael's number one. Where is he? Where is he?

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19. Hey, Michael. Um... Ryan needs his number for the count off.

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20. NO!

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21. Okay, he can have 14. Marjory's not here today.

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22. Oh, you know what else? I thought of a nickname for the three of us. Three Musketeers.

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23. That's funny, too. But if we're the Three Musketeers...

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24. Hey guys, great response time. Listen up, I got some theories. Okay, there's a...

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25. Okay. Great, that's going to keep you warm for like 7 seconds. Question: is there fire wood on the island?

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26. Then I would bring an axe, no books.

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27. Fine. Physician's Desk Reference.

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28. ...hollowed out, inside: waterproof matches, iodine tablets, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket, and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone. No, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question: did my shoes come off in the plane crash?

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29. Is this your car, Ryan?

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30. Good shocks.

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31. Do it.

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32. Keep an existing...

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33. Yeah, but look, I mean, he didn't need business school. Okay, Michael comes from the school of hard knocks.

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34. Self taught. You didn't even go to college.

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35. Come on. I'm studying with the master, huh?

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36. You should learn from him, right?

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37. Right?

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38. Stupid!

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39. The Crow.

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40. Why didn't I go to business school?

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41. The temp.

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42. Yeah, it's all him and Michael talk about anymore.

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43. He doesn't even know that I do that.

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44. Oh yeah, Pam. Right. That's going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.

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45. I'm sorry I said that, I didn't... just part of me meant it. Besides, he'd end up being a hero anyway.

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46. Oh Jim, I'm not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.

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47. Thanks you guys. I just need some alone time.

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48. Would that make you happy?

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49. If you had your cell phone, it would make you happy?

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50. I'm on it.

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51. [coughing]

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52. Everyone, okay? Uh, I have an announcement. Apparently, in business school, they don't teach you how to operate a toaster oven. Because some smart, sexy temp left his cheese pita on oven instead of timing it for the toaster thing.

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53. That's exactly what I said.

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54. Were you absent?

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55. You failed?

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56. I have a song. Attention, everyone! That I want to sing. That I wrote especially for this occasion when I was up there among the flames. Ready? Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world's been turning!

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57. Everybody!

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58. ... Marilyn Monroe!

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59. Eat it! You gotta eat it. You have to eat it!

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60. Answer me this, though.

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61. Was it worth it? Was it worth it temp?

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62. Really?

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63. The fire guy! The fire guy!

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64. Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe, Ryan started the fire!

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65. I'm Michael's number two. He's one, I'm two. He's Alpha, I'm Beta. He's A, I'm B. It's easy. Whatever Michael is, I'm one less.

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66. Oh, my God. Ryan is gonna love these.

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67. That is so cool.

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68. Plus you can go, 'Rule five, see rule six. Rule six, see rule five.'

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69. Kill or be killed.

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70. Shoot to kill, or kill to shoot.

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71. You could ask for an extension.

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72. I know Michael's every move. It's not something you can just pick up. I could write a book about him. Literally. I started once, but Michael made me stop.

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73. Hey, how's it going, man?

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74. Oh, nothing much. What's up with you?

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75. Good. Good, I'm good, too. How's it cracking?

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76. You know what you would love? Guns N' Roses. When I was your age, I loved Guns N' Roses. Do you like Guns N' Roses? I'll make you a tape.

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77. I'll make you two tapes.

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78. Someday, temp. I've got a couple of shirts that don't fit so well anymore. I'll bring them by. Okay, see you later.

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79. Michael and I have a very special connection, like an umbilical cord. And the thing is with Ryan is that I don't want him to trip on it, or get it caught around his neck.

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80. What is that?! What are you supposed to be?

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81. Yeah, well look... What about me?

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82. I am a Sith Lord. Oh big deal. Three round pieces of paper taped to a shirt. This cost me 129 dollars.

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83. Wait, what are you again? Oh, right... Three-hole PUNCH!

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84. Jim. Definitely.

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85. Phyllis.

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86. Stanley. Pam. Oscar. Meredith. Kevin. Angela.

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87. One of the warehouse guys.

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88. Who is he saying?

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89. No, Michael.

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90. No, not me.

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91. Not Dwight.

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92. I know that's what he said.

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93. Tell him, not Dwight.

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94. Tell him to stop.

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95. Quiet, you.

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96. Make him be quiet.

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97. Stanley, could you come with me, please.

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98. As Assistant Regional Manager...

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99. Look! I've got some bad news. You're fired. You need to pack up your things and go. I'm serious, Stanley. It's over. I'm sorry.

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100. He wouldn't listen to me

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