Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 9)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 9 of 76

1. Like who? Who doesn't know?

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 4989

2. Why just Michael?

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 4991

3. Is it?

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 4993

4. Oh, that's perfect!

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 4995

5. I won't.

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 4997

6. Battlestar Galatica.

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5045

7. I can't-

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5047

8. Tonight.

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5049

9. Unfortunately, I've got plans. I have to go to practice. Soccer practice.

   Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5051

10. Clarinet.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5053

11. Have fun tonight! Whatever it is that you're doing, and I'll see you Monday. He has no idea!

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5055

12. Jim! You really think this is a good idea, huh? A hide-a-key rock?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5057

13. You don't work with us.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5059

14. Thanks. Yeah, I always keep an extra set in the car, for special occasions. Jim, come here.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5062

15. When is the guest of honor coming?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5064

16. He's gonna love it!

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5066

17. Surprise! Everybody!

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5162

18. Where's your tie?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5202

19. What's going on, Michael. Talk to me.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5205

20. Oh no! Jan!? What's goin' on?

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5207

21. The most important one of the guys.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5209

22. That's exactly the point. You've hit a slump. It happens to the best of us. You just have to remember, you know-

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5211

23. Where you come from, and who you are.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5213

24. You know, you have worked so hard for this. You are the boss; you can buy and sell us with just a snap of your little finger.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5215

25. Jim, this is hardly the time.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5219

26. And their king bee.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5221

27. Master bee.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5223

28. Queen bee.

    Season 2 · Episode 9 · Quote 5225

29. Go. Get the door.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5306

30. Go. Push!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5308

31. Push!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5310

32. Really shove it.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5312

33. Shove it through! Break it!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5314

34. I got a splinter.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5317

35. I've got it leveraged. Push. Straight up.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5319

36. One, two, three.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5321

37. You guys should use a hand truck.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5341

38. No.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5343

39. Michael, I would like to be the elf.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5354

40. Okay, everybody listen up! It is time to get your presents, wrap them, and place them under the tree like so. If you do not get your present wrapped and under the tree within the next five minutes you will be disqualified from Secret Santa. All right? No exceptions except Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5356

41. Gather round. Secret Santa, let's go. Let's go. Come on. Stanley, no, I'm going to handle the cord. Okay, safety reasons.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5371

42. I want to do it.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5373

43. Hey, I could get some flares from my car.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5379

44. First present, Oscar.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5382

45. Okay. Okay. That's enough. Let's keep it moving on. Jim.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5386

46. Pam.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5393

47. All right, next. Ryan.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5396

48. Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5406

49. We don't do anything until Michael gives us further instructions.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5412

50. Yes, now you can steal the oven mitt, the old shirt or the shower radio or pick a new gift.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5430

51. Angela, you're up.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5437

52. Okay, moving along. Meredith, let's go.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5444

53. It's already been stolen this round. Pick something else.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5446

54. You and me, Michael. Yes!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5452

55. I never said it was better than an iPod.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5454

56. Michael keeps bragging about his iPod, but you know what? Two paintball lessons with someone as experienced as I am is worth easily, like, 2 grand.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5455

57. Take that, Saddam!

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5456

58. Pam, steal something or pick the final gift.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5460

59. Yes! There you go. I want the teapot. Gracias.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5469

60. Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets ... Christmas.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5471

61. No trades.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5488

62. A real man makes his own luck.' Billy Zane.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5490

63. No. I want it. I'm going to use it.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5492

64. True. But I get sinus infections, and sinus infections can be cured by making your tea from green tea leaf stems ..

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5494

65. .. and pouring it directly into your nose, like so.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5496

66. This is so awesome.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5551

67. Thank you.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5553

68. Oh, hello there. But what are you doing?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5573

69. You shouldn't do things like that. The man is supposed to do that.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5575

70. Yes.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5580

71. Okay. Christmas lights? Good. Tinsel? Good. Star? Good.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5598

72. Question, Pam. Is Roy coming to the party?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5600

73. Okay, well, you didn't tell me that. Now, he will not be allowed in unless we register him on this list.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5602

74. Do I look like I'm kidding? Phyllis, stag, I assume.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5604

75. Really?

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5606

76. Everyone, please remain calm until we receive further instructions.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5608

77. Absolutely... not.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5610

78. What separates humans from jungle beasts? The fact that we have rules. When humans give each other gifts, they do it properly and orderly. When bears give each other gifts they just rip open a fox carcass and present it to their mate. I prefer the human way.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5611

79. I do enjoy a drink now and again, but tonight, no. I am also an officer of the law and I'm unofficially on the clock. I need to stay sober and alert. Also, on a personal note, I'm not at my best when I drink.

    Season 2 · Episode 10 · Quote 5633

80. Hello. Jim?

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5650

81. This is not funny. Why is my stuff in here?

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5652

82. Yeah, well, I'm not paying for my own stuff, okay? I know you did this, because you're friends with the vending machine guy.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5654

83. Yeah, Steve, whatever his name is.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5656

84. No, no, no, no, no. That's my pencil cup.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5658

85. Uh, I think so, and you're going to hand it over to me.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5660

86. Okay, fine. Where's my wallet?

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5662

87. But I don't have any...

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5664

88. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five...

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5666

89. Good morning, Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5668

90. Aye aye, Captain.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5728

91. Cool.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5731

92. Limbo, whoo!

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5777

93. Me! Me, me, me.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5781

94. I'm stronger.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5783

95. I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four. And I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5786

96. What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5792

97. I can't. Do you want us to run aground, woman?!

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5794

98. Wow. You should be the motivational speaker.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5816

99. Yeah. He gives me real responsibility, Michael. Captain Jack delegates. He's let me steer the ship for the last hour.

    Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5818

100. Seasick? Captain Jack says you should look at the Moon.

     Season 2 · Episode 11 · Quote 5844