Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 4)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 4 of 76

1. What?

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1762

2. Is that all it is? Just a ride home? Like a taxicab?

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1764

3. Please. Please, I am your inferior and I'm asking you this favor. Can you promise me that it will just be a ride home?

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1766

4. You cannot promise me, or you won't promise me?

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1768

5. Do you love her?

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1770

6. Hey, how's it going? Good. Can I talk to you for a second? In private?

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1812

7. It will just take a second.

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1814

8. Just for a minute.

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1816

9. Please? I wanted to talk to you in private because I wanted to ask you out on a date.

   Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1818

10. Ok was that no to talking to me in private, or was that no to the date?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1820

11. The perfect girl for me would be Konikotaka. She has the most amazing story. She was orphaned at age 10 when both her parents were assassinated, and she was taken in by a wealthy, but very cruel, businessman. So she practiced aikido in secret for years until she could avenge the death of her parents. She's also a survivor of monster rape.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1910

12. This is really well made. Good stitching. Excellent fabric. You sell a lot of these?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1911

13. I knew it. Is it waterproof?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1913

14. Snakes are waterproof. So, I'm betting that it's waterproof. Do you know the difference between a snake and an eel?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1915

15. Cause I could look it up real easily.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1917

16. My belt's made out of alligator. Check it out.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1919

17. I was just showing her my belt.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1922

18. I....

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1924

19. Not all the time.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1926

20. I think it did.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1965

21. Seriously?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1967

22. What else?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1969

23. It's a mini-briefcase.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1971

24. It's in my purse.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1977

25. Let me describe the perfect date. I take her out to a nice dinner. She looks amazing. Some guy tries to hit on her. Uh, now he wants to fight. So I grab him. I throw him into a jukebox. Then the other ninja's got a knife. He comes at me. We grapple. I turn his knife on him. Blood on the dance floor. She's scared now, I take her home. I'm holding her in my arms. I reach in for a kiss. I hear something in the leaves. I flip her around. She gets a poison arrow right in her back. She was in on it the whole time. But, I knew.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1979

26. Hi, here you can have this. It's a mini-briefcase, but you can use it as a purse.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1995

27. Mine are at home in a display case above my bed.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2007

28. So, what's the joke? You're not perfect either.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2029

29. So who are we laughing at?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2031

30. Who? Dave Barry?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2033

31. What is it? Who wrote it?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2035

32. That is defacement of company property. So you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2038

33. No, no, no, no...

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2065

34. ...no, no, no, no, it's not what you think.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2067

35. No, why were you in there?!

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2069

36. What were you doing in there?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2071

37. I am not.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2073

38. Excuse me, everyone, could I have your attention please. I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies room for a reason. And if you cannot behave like ladies, well then you are not going to have a bathroom.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2086

39. We are going to have two men's rooms.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2088

40. Be prepared to hold folks From 9 am to...

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2090

41. Nnnnno, there needs to be repercussions...

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2095

42. ...for people's behavior.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2097

43. And it's-

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2099

44. Yes!

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2102

45. Best Dundies ever.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2104

46. Welcome to the eighth annual Dundies awards.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2105

47. Before we get started, a few announcements. Keep your acceptance speeches short, I have wrap it up music, and I'm not afraid to use it. Devon!

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2106

48. The waitress tripped on the cord.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2110

49. Really? We don't have any girls from HR.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2120

50. Yeah?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2122

51. Yeah!

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2124

52. Like an AIDS test?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2126

53. Quick, quick, the woman is having a seizure. Grab her tongue, grab her tongue! It's okay, I'm a sheriff's deputy.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2223

54. Don't get into that now. We need something to cushion her head. Throw pillow? A cush-

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2225

55. It's okay, I'm going to use my shirt.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2227

56. Ahh! I can't-

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2230

57. Watch your step.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2239

58. Thanks, I had to, uh, check her pupils to make sure there wasn't a concussion.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2241

59. Like a gaggle of geese...

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2257

60. Michael, I need to talk to you.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2266

61. I just thought that you might like to know that someone has written something about you on the ladies' room wall.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2268

62. Uh, no, no. No, I think something bad, maybe.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2271

63. Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2273

64. Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2275

65. By any means necessary?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2279

66. It's the ladies' room.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2281

67. It hasn't always been easy being a whistleblower. When I was in school, the kids would call me a tattle-tale or a snitch or a worm. So I really identify with those women from Enron. I wrote them letters to tell them how much they inspired me, but they never wrote back. I guess they're all married.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2288

68. Angela, it's simple. Just tell me what the bathroom wall says.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2289

69. I'm not asking what you do in there. I just want to know what's written about Michael.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2291

70. Okay, I'll talk. You nod if I get it right. Does it have to do with his butt or his wiener?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2293

71. No, no, no.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2303

72. It's not what you think.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2305

73. I'm on official business.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2307

74. This is Dunder Mifflin...

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2309

75. No. Phyllis, you're not...

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2311

76. Phyllis, no. No.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2313

77. Phyllis, no, no. Do not listen to her. She's out of her mind.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2315

78. That is not true.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2318

79. That's totally unfair. I was just in the ladies' room in order to spy.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2320

80. What do you think, Phyllis? You think I followed you in there? Like, 'Oh good. Phyllis is going to the bathroom, so maybe I get to see her naked from the waist down.' I'm not even attracted to you.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2323

81. All right, let's wrap it up. Come on, we're late. The Dundies are starting very soon. Accounting, let's go, let's go. Okay, I gave you fair warning. Out. Who's next, customer service? Meredith, let's roll.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2330

82. Yeah, you know me.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2333

83. The Dundies!

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2335

84. You know me.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2337

85. Yeah, you know me.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2339

86. Excuse me, Goldschlager, extra flakes.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2356

87. No, no. No margarita. Hot sake.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2358

88. Fosters in the big can.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2360

89. Just a chocolate shake, chocolate sprinkles.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2362

90. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. Lie still, lie still.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2363

91. Jim, not now! We need to cushion her head. Lie still. Please, Pam. Do not move.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2367

92. I'm sorry.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2369

93. Jim, don't interfere.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2371

94. Can you give me a second, sir.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2374

95. I am a Sheriff's Deputy.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2378

96. I could have my men in here in a second and have you arrested.

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2380

97. Pam, are you all right?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2382

98. How many fingers am I holding up?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2385

99. All right. Are you okay?

    Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2387

100. I will. I will. You need to calm down.

     Season 2 · Episode 1 · Quote 2389