Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office | Page 8

Yes, I have acted before. I was in a production of 'Oklahoma' in the seventh grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that. I was good.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4343

If it isn't my old partner, Samuel L. Chang.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4344

Thank you for noticing. Now keep me company for one more mission.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4346

Pow! Pow! Pow!

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4350

Yes, perhaps I would, Goldenface. Sam, get my luggage.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4355

Samuel, you are such an idiot, you are the worst assistant ever. And you're disgusting, Dwigt. Wait, who's Dwigt?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4357

D-W-I-G-H-T.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4359

Ok, you know what? I am done with this. That's it, the end.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4360

Uh, you don't speak for everyone, Jim. Ok, announcement. My uncle bought me some fireworks. Anyone who wants to see a real show, come with me outside now.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4362

Michael? Michael? Michael? His car's not in the parking lot. I should check the accident reports. Who's this? Jan?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4412

Did you do her?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4416

Jan Levinson-Gould.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4418

Did you do her?

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4420

And she is your boss.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4422

A kick and a chop are two totally different things.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4483

It doesn't make any sense.

Season 2 · Episode 7 · Line 4485

You should get one of these.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4497

Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4499

This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. Sorry.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4501

Numerous health benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more enjoyable sex.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4503

Plus, improves your reflexes see, I would have caught that.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4505

It's only twenty-five bucks.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4507

Oh, hey, listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4529

Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4531

Oh, yes, we do.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4533

Yeah, it's a new product. So, you should just suggest that to him and he'll be sure to give you a raise.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4535

Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4537

Ugh, you know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. I need to stay focused, and I don't have to see you tomorrow or Sunday and please don't call me, and we'll see how things go on Monday. Uh, stupid.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4539

Uh, duh.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4541

Saturday.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4598

Who? Who was it? Who did he fire?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4639

No, I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night; what the hell was I thinking?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4641

What should we do to prepare for Y2K?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4652

It happens occasionally.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4655

Tom?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4659

Next suggestion.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4663

You need to do something about your B.O.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4665

You need-

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4671

To do something about-

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4673

Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4681

Next suggestion.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4683

Don't sleep with your boss'? Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4685

You are giving me this raise! I deserve this raise! Yes! Yes! Yes! Hiya! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation! Keeya eyah! Yes! Why are you gonna give me this raise? Why? Because... I'm awesome! I am awesome!

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4696

Michael?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4700

I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4702

Great.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4704

I am ready for my performance review.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4706

Uh, wait, I would like to discuss my raise?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4710

That is an excellent question. Thank you for asking. Let me bring up one word: dedication. I have never been late. Also, I have never missed a day due to illness. Even when I had walking pneumonia. I even come in on holidays.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4712

I have a copy of your key.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4714

I'd also further like to talk about my merits in the workplace.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4718

For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole office.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4720

You liked it!

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4722

Jan, have you ever had deer?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4724

It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my raise.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4726

And in conclusion, I think that Lex Luthor said it best when he said 'Dad, you have no idea what I'm capable of'.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4732

Smallville. And that is why, I feel, that I deserve this raise.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4734

I'm here! I'm here! I'm here! It's ok!

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4769

You know what this is?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4778

No, you don't.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4780

This is a visual aid for my performance review. Budget is tight, and if anyone is getting a raise, it is gonna be a fight to the death. And I intend on winning that fight. 'Dwight: determined, worker, intense, good worker, hard worker, terrific. Dwight.'

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4782

That's a total waste of your 'M.'

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4784

Yeah.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4786

Yeah, magnificent worker, marvelous worker, more money for this worker. Man, I like this worker. Mighty worker. That's good. That's good.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4788

Pushing on.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4819

Does it specify which windshield?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4825

This ought to be good.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4827

Oh, no, no. It's on the Miata.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4829

What does it say?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4831

Come on. Let's get back to this.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4834

Next suggestion.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4840

Don't sleep with your boss.' Do you think this is referring to you boning Jan?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4842

There's one more suggestion.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4847

Way to go man, Jan's really hot.'

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4849

Hey, temp.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4858

Look, we're twins.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4860

Bet you I got mine for less than yours.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4862

Getting a little something that calm the nerves?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4864

For the performance review. Oh, wait, you don't get one. You're a temp.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4866

You're lying.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4868

Why would Michael give you one before me?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4870

How did it go?

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4872

You are gonna give me this raise. Ya! Yes, you are. You are gonna give me this raise. Ya! Ya! The least you can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation, right? You are gonna give me this raise! Why? Because I'm awesome, awesome, yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for your time, dude. Champ. My lord, mi amigo. Mi amor. Ha! Wild side! I am ready.

Season 2 · Episode 8 · Line 4874

Mi-

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4910

Sorry.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4912

Ok, I'm sorry. What is going on in there? Why is he here? What are you doing?

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4914

You have to tell me.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4916

Look, Michael, I know you don't want to have to think about this, but if something were to happen to you, God forbid, then I would need to know in order to take over.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4918

Yeah, but that doesn't matter, you could get a brain aneurysm-

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4920

Or get hit by a car-

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4922

Or a bus or a train. Get poisoned, fall in a well, step on a mine, choke.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4924

So it's true? You have access to our e-mails?

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4938

Oh hey, just so ya know, if you have a lot of sensitive e-mails, they need to be deleted immediately.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4943

Good.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4945

Nice.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4957

Does he have access to their medical records?

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4959

I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we are down river from that old bread factory.

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4961

Question: on the Internet there are several different options to get to your house for the party tonight-

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4983

I was wondering-

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4985

Why?

Season 2 · Episode 9 · Line 4987

Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 8)