Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office | Page 3

I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1028

This is going to be perfect, OK? Centrally located. Perfect cover. I can hear and see everything.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1029

So tape it down.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1034

Look, I can breathe just fine. OK, but if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1036

No, you need to go upstairs to the party so people don't notice we're both gone.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1046

Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1048

Oh.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1064

I have absolutely no idea.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1131

Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1133

That's politics baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1134

Good, excellent, and file sharing off and done. Security software, 128-bit encryption, firewalls. Get up, I'll install it on your computer.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1135

Pssh, stupid. Identity theft happens all the time. I can become you like that. But no one can become me.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1137

Not true. And if they did, they couldn't because I'm password protected.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1139

No.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1141

No.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1143

God. Mmm.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1172

It was rotting.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1174

Any employee may dispose a food item...

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1176

...that risks contaminating the other food item. Read the official kitchen regulations memo.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1178

Uh, uh, not my problem. Okay, this is a paper factory not a bacteria factory.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1180

Uh, if they don't bobble, what's the point?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1182

God... Damn it! Why us?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1187

Okay.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1189

I'll stay for ten.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1191

Hey.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1201

You wanted to see me?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1203

I don't think she'd be missed.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1205

Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1207

She had a hysterectomy.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1209

That's where they remove the uterus.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1211

It could be kind of funny.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1213

Mmm-hmm.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1215

Okay. Hey Meredith, where's your uterus?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1217

If I find a joke for you, will you grant me immunity?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1219

From the downsizing.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1221

I'm only going to ask you this once. Are you part of an alliance?

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1249

Well played.

Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1251

Michael!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1254

Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1257

Oh, please.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1259

I apologized for that.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1261

Michael, I...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1263

I can handle that.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1265

And that's why you have an assistant regional manager.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1267

Same thing.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1269

It's close.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1271

So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1272

Gimli.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1300

Just trying to be helpful.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1302

Michael, look.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1326

Yes!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1328

Can I be team captain?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1330

Can I be team manager?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1332

Assistant team manager?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1334

OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1336

OK, we'll be skins!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1383

What? Shirts on or off?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1385

You sure?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1387

De-fense! De-fense!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1394

Yeah! In your face!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1418

Yes!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1439

Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1457

Michael, could I talk to you for a second, please?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1487

In your office? You know that is why you have an assistant regional manager.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1489

Same thing.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1491

It's close.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1493

What?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1495

What look?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1497

Please, have a seat. Okay, why not?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1508

Marching or garage?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1510

I tell you what. You give me a tape of your band and a tape of the Steve Miller Band and I'll get back to you. That is all.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1512

Mmm. Good. Mmm.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1530

Would you like to have a vacation this year? That's what I thought. Mmm, delicious.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1532

Jim, you're the new schedule guy, huh?

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1534

Yeah, I hear that. You know what? This little baby might come in handy.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1536

On one condition. You...

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1538

Oh, no it's not. Okay, check it out.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1540

No, you're not because I spent hours on it.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1542

Okay, I will. Okay, fine. You'll be back.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1544

Isn't that crazy? I'm a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Lackawanna County says that it's okay for me to perform CPR, but for Michael my lips aren't qualified enough for his perfect little face. It's nuts.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1547

I've almost had my nose broken a dozen times.

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1549

Yes!

Season 1 · Episode 5 · Quote 1553

Sex.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1581

Torture.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1583

Cocks in the henhouse.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1601

So am I.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1606

Doesn't matter.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1608

The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1632

Hmmm... she's been talking to Michael a lot.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1682

Assistant to the Regional Manager.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1684

That's true.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1686

True. Plus I can talk to her about the origins of my last name.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1688

What's that?

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1692

I don't want a purse. Purses are for girls.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1694

No.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1696

Like those?

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1698

Okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom, and then I'm going...

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1700

It's actually better this way.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1756

Michael could I ask you something? I wanted to ask your permission to ask out Katy. I know it's against the rules and everything. Because...

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1758

Thank you, Michael. I appreciate this so much.

Season 1 · Episode 6 · Quote 1760

Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 3)