Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 3)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 3 of 76

1. I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1028

2. This is going to be perfect, OK? Centrally located. Perfect cover. I can hear and see everything.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1029

3. So tape it down.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1034

4. Look, I can breathe just fine. OK, but if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1036

5. No, you need to go upstairs to the party so people don't notice we're both gone.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1046

6. Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1048

7. Oh.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1064

8. I have absolutely no idea.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1131

9. Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves.

   Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1133

10. That's politics baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1134

11. Good, excellent, and file sharing off and done. Security software, 128-bit encryption, firewalls. Get up, I'll install it on your computer.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1135

12. Pssh, stupid. Identity theft happens all the time. I can become you like that. But no one can become me.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1137

13. Not true. And if they did, they couldn't because I'm password protected.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1139

14. No.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1141

15. No.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1143

16. God. Mmm.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1172

17. It was rotting.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1174

18. Any employee may dispose a food item...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1176

19. ...that risks contaminating the other food item. Read the official kitchen regulations memo.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1178

20. Uh, uh, not my problem. Okay, this is a paper factory not a bacteria factory.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1180

21. Uh, if they don't bobble, what's the point?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1182

22. God... Damn it! Why us?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1187

23. Okay.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1189

24. I'll stay for ten.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1191

25. Hey.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1201

26. You wanted to see me?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1203

27. I don't think she'd be missed.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1205

28. Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1207

29. She had a hysterectomy.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1209

30. That's where they remove the uterus.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1211

31. It could be kind of funny.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1213

32. Mmm-hmm.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1215

33. Okay. Hey Meredith, where's your uterus?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1217

34. If I find a joke for you, will you grant me immunity?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1219

35. From the downsizing.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1221

36. I'm only going to ask you this once. Are you part of an alliance?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1249

37. Well played.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1251

38. Michael!

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1254

39. Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1257

40. Oh, please.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1259

41. I apologized for that.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1261

42. Michael, I...

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1263

43. I can handle that.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1265

44. And that's why you have an assistant regional manager.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1267

45. Same thing.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1269

46. It's close.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1271

47. So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1272

48. Gimli.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1300

49. Just trying to be helpful.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1302

50. Michael, look.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1326

51. Yes!

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1328

52. Can I be team captain?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1330

53. Can I be team manager?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1332

54. Assistant team manager?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1334

55. OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1336

56. OK, we'll be skins!

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1383

57. What? Shirts on or off?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1385

58. You sure?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1387

59. De-fense! De-fense!

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1394

60. Yeah! In your face!

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1418

61. Yes!

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1439

62. Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1457

63. Michael, could I talk to you for a second, please?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1487

64. In your office? You know that is why you have an assistant regional manager.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1489

65. Same thing.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1491

66. It's close.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1493

67. What?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1495

68. What look?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1497

69. Please, have a seat. Okay, why not?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1508

70. Marching or garage?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1510

71. I tell you what. You give me a tape of your band and a tape of the Steve Miller Band and I'll get back to you. That is all.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1512

72. Mmm. Good. Mmm.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1530

73. Would you like to have a vacation this year? That's what I thought. Mmm, delicious.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1532

74. Jim, you're the new schedule guy, huh?

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1534

75. Yeah, I hear that. You know what? This little baby might come in handy.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1536

76. On one condition. You...

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1538

77. Oh, no it's not. Okay, check it out.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1540

78. No, you're not because I spent hours on it.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1542

79. Okay, I will. Okay, fine. You'll be back.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1544

80. Isn't that crazy? I'm a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Lackawanna County says that it's okay for me to perform CPR, but for Michael my lips aren't qualified enough for his perfect little face. It's nuts.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1547

81. I've almost had my nose broken a dozen times.

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1549

82. Yes!

    Season 1 · Episode 5 · Line 1553

83. Sex.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1581

84. Torture.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1583

85. Cocks in the henhouse.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1601

86. So am I.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1606

87. Doesn't matter.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1608

88. The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin. Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1632

89. Hmmm... she's been talking to Michael a lot.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1682

90. Assistant to the Regional Manager.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1684

91. That's true.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1686

92. True. Plus I can talk to her about the origins of my last name.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1688

93. What's that?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1692

94. I don't want a purse. Purses are for girls.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1694

95. No.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1696

96. Like those?

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1698

97. Okay, I'm just going to use the bathroom, and then I'm going...

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1700

98. It's actually better this way.

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1756

99. Michael could I ask you something? I wanted to ask your permission to ask out Katy. I know it's against the rules and everything. Because...

    Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1758

100. Thank you, Michael. I appreciate this so much.

     Season 1 · Episode 6 · Line 1760