Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 54)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 54 of 76

1. I know.

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43451

2. Pepto-Bismol, in his hot chocolate.

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43453

3. Ooh does Edgar Allan Poe know about that one? So sinister! That wouldn't annoy a person at all! Where do you come up with this stuff?

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43455

4. Who is Justice Beaver?

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43457

5. Why don't you write up your best forty ideas and e-mail them to me. Can you do that?

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43459

6. Yeah, write up your list of one hundred, edit it down to your top forty, then e-mail it to me, and I'll read it over.

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43461

7. There are over four hundred of these!

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43476

8. They're all good. So good! Number three: eat a frog. That sounds promising. Number four: eat a dog. I don't know, um, from practical stand point-

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43478

9. Eat a brog. Maybe it's because I didn't understand it. I just had a couple of notes, let me grab a pen. Damn it. Gah! Just when we were getting going.

   Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43480

10. And you make sure to get down there and check out that Harry Potter World.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43525

11. Harry Potter World is supposed to be faaantastic!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43527

12. Check it out and have a free butterbeer on us. Keep the receipt and we'll get ya' back!

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43529

13. He took my desk.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43534

14. It wasn't my first choice, Jim had so many better ideas.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43536

15. No, no, no. That is not part of the plan. That is actually anti-what we're doing.

    Season 7 · Episode 17 · Line 43538

16. People! Look alive. It's showtime. Doors open in 3...2...1.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43579

17. It's good that its cold it will drive business inside.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43582

18. The warmth will lure people inside.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43584

19. This is how business...

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43586

20. I'm not closing the door.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43588

21. Stop it.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43590

22. Uh oh, looks like someone's sign is a little crooked. Uh, looks awful. Need a thumb tack?

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43592

23. Not so fast.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43594

24. Schrute's are farmers by hobby, and traders by trade. Through the art of the swap, I will walk out of this garage sale with the finest item here.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43595

25. I will trade you for the used candle.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43596

26. Come on, its trash, like your sign, unless you have this.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43598

27. That's how it's done.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43600

28. Oh, cause there's a huge line of people waiting in line who want your spinster tchotchkes.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43623

29. People like Ryan? Let me tell you about men like him. He comes over and you're like 'Hey baby let me light a candle' then you pull out this one half used and he's like 'Uh! Who else is she seeing? I better lock her down fast.'

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43625

30. And the Jennifer Weiner collection.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43627

31. What is this?

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43639

32. Professor Copperfield's Miracle Legumes?

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43641

33. That's a common swindlers trick.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43643

34. So you wanna sell me magic beans.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43645

35. Nice try. No. Correction. Terrible try.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43647

36. You got this kosher certified?

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43691

37. Ryan, you have such an interesting mind. So creative. All these new business ideas and artistic projects.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43693

38. Oh, its just Stanley's old photo album. I'm thinking about throwing it in the garbage. I mean, why would I want some random black mans old photo album on my bookshelf. I'm not James Franco.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43695

39. things are going very well. I traded a thumb tack for Meredith's junk for Kelly's crap for Phyllis' garbage for Oscars trash for Stanley's garbage for Ryan's junk for Creed's garbage for a very cute squid that Erin happened to have.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43696

40. Jim, put those away.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43697

41. just out of curiosity, what were the claims for those beans?

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43699

42. I know right...what the?

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43800

43. That... that's impossible.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43802

44. All right, I'll take them.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43804

45. Probably.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43806

46. I started with a thumb tack and traded my way to a telescope. But in a way the most valuable thing here wasn't the telescope at all. No, it was this... packet of beans. So I traded the telescope for it. And I can just go buy another telescope.

    Season 7 · Episode 18 · Line 43808

47. Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 43930

48. Thanks for meeting me.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 43960

49. There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 43962

50. That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 43964

51. I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 43966

52. How do I become a manger at Sabre?

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 44061

53. I left a message at corporate.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 44063

54. Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file?

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 44065

55. From when he recommended me to replace him.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 44067

56. Correction. Just you. Alright, meeting. Multi-function room.

    Season 7 · Episode 19 · Line 44092

57. Just a little announcement folks, remember, the Dundies is a black tie affair.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44150

58. Every day is black tie optional!

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44152

59. Always the padawan, never the Jedi.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44164

60. [standing by the Louie Volpies entrance greeting people and giving them menus]

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44223

61. Appalling. Eye sore. Surprisingly adequate! Okay everyone! The activities commence in four seconds!

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44225

62. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up for you co-host this evening, Michael Gary Scott. Please remain standing for your other co-host, and new manager, Deangelo Jeremitrius Vickers! Was that part of the...?

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44251

63. Excuse me, can I get a photo of the Best Mom and the Best Dad please?

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44279

64. Big smiles folks! There they are.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44282

65. We should just wait here and not get good seats in the conference room?

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44325

66. I thought it was the worst Dundies I've ever been to.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44329

67. Gladly! I'd accept that award, because a bitch, is a female dog!

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44331

68. I just don't see a point in the Dundies! Okay? The jokes are terrible, the venue is bad, the fashion is boring.

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44334

69. And next time, why don't you pick a co-host, that doesn't have microphone-a-phobia!

    Season 7 · Episode 20 · Line 44336

70. Michael?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44372

71. I've got a treat for you!

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44374

72. Colorado specialty, Rocky Mountain Oysters.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44376

73. That's because they're Not oysters, they're bull testicles! I cut them off fresh this morning! Hah!

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44378

74. What is wrong with you? I'm the sick freak? After what you did? You expect to be buttled? You didn't recommend me?!

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44380

75. Where did you hear that? Obvious XM Radio?

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44382

76. Great idea.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44384

77. Especially if you think that life would be better without Legs!

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44386

78. Black Bears can smell a salami at five miles Michael, what are you thinking?! And they run faster than a horse, so if you were thinking about outrunning one on a horse I would try a cheetah. You, in tight pants, Michael, are a salami to a Black Bear. Do you understand? You're like a giant walking salami!

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44388

79. Any kind of meat that you can possibly name!

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44390

80. I've given up expecting Michael to do the right thing. Or the decent thing. Or even the comprehensible thing.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44463

81. Yes.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44630

82. This is gonna be good. To whom it may concern. Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme. That's great, if I wanted the dictionary definition I'd buy a dictionary. I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme. Lot's more like that, really repetitive. What's this? Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball. Ohhh, yeah.

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44632

83. [opening his trunk excitedly and gets out his paintball gear, takes his gun and looks for Michael, gives up, Michael jumps out of the dumpster shooting, they shoot each other, yell, laugh, and taunt, having a great time]

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44633

84. [smiles knowingly]

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44638

85. Uh oh...

    Season 7 · Episode 21 · Line 44699

86. Oh, wow, thank you. That was so kind of you.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44738

87. It's just that I own the coffee shop. So, once you've seen sausage being made, all you want to do is make sausage, because it's so much fun.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44740

88. I think you'll find what you're looking for over there.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44742

89. Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy. Each one better than the last.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44771

90. I'm just not a suck-up like everyone else around here. Okay? I do my job well, so why don't you just leave me alone and let me do it. Okay?

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44773

91. What?

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44775

92. No you're not.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44777

93. No.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44779

94. No.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44781

95. No.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44783

96. No.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44785

97. No.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44787

98. No.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44789

99. What's the argument here? NBA, WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.

    Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44861

100. No!

     Season 7 · Episode 22 · Line 44880