Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 52)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 52 of 76

1. Or else? Or else what? There's nothing you can do.

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2. Waste of time.

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3. Let me see.

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4. You can't just move out.

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5. In your perfect would, what would make this building awesome? I'm putting together kind of a wish list.

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6. Yeah, no. I'm not a genie. I'm just talking about a...

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7. You can't possibly be serious.

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8. Parley, my office, five minutes.

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9. Pam, I am not an unreasonable man. If you guys stay, I will stop watering down the soap.

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10. Why do you even need soap? Are you that bad at going to the bathroom?

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11. You don't wanna move. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do in life. You'll probably just take it out on your kid. Jim will turn to the drink. The family will fall apart, and twenty five years from now, Cece will become world famous... for stripping.

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12. Here it is, right here, pull over. Oh my God. No way. Man, look at that.

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13. There's no building. This could only mean one thing.

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14. She was lying. Oh, Pam, Pam...

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15. What?

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16. Oh.

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17. I'm sorry. We have a colleague with the same name.

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18. So, okay. You're not a liar too are you?

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19. Damn it, Pam. Get out. Right now. Leave it, I mean it. Get the hell out of here. Go.

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20. I can't wait to do to Pam, what I just did... to Pam.

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21. Hey Pam.

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22. Y'know what, I'm the only one here who you haven't asked about the new office.

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23. Yeah, but I'm still an employee here, and that part of me is really excited about the change of scenery. What's the square footage in the new place?

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24. What's the exact square footage.

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25. How many offices are there? Oh I'll just look at the one sheet myself.

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26. You're a funny guy Pam. What's the first thing you guys are gonna do when you move in to the new office? I'm going to walk down the hall and say 'Wow, I can't believe this is real, but it is.' I can't wait.

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27. Impossible, I love the law.

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28. I see I've underestimated you, and I didn't think that was possible. Nate, reply the paper.

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29. Reply it!

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30. They say the best vampires don't bleed their victims dry, but give them the strength so that they can bounce back only to be fed on again. I spared Pam, and I may feast off of her profits for years to come. I let Pam win. Haha, oh. I was not motivated by compassion. I have no compassion. Make sure you got that. Not motivated by compassion.

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31. I'll tell you who. Darryl, Phyllis, Stanley, Angela, and Oscar.

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32. You are?

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33. Let me see you jump. Oh, my God. This is a store bought-camera. This isn't one of those special military-grade cameras that would be able to capture that.

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34. Oh come on.

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35. Oh, my God! It's the first snowfall of Christmas. Is that just so magical for you, little girl? Can you not wait to have a hot chocolate, and cuddle up with Papa and tell him about all your Christmas dreams, hmm? It's not even a real snow. Look, it's a dusting. Pitiful.

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36. Damn it, Jim, you cannot throw snowballs in here!

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37. Look at that. There's a pebble in there. You coulda killed me.

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38. You apologize to me right now.

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39. You apologize right now.

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40. Very well, then I challenge you to a snowball fight on the first real snow of winter.

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41. No, Andy, it's a snowball fight. It's not fun. Go get your own thing. Beat it. Jim, let go. Let go.

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42. Pam?

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43. Death to Toby!

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44. Is it the middle school teacher who tried to turn her foreign exchange student into a sex slave?

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45. Okay.

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46. You've reached the voice mail of Dwight Kurt Schrute. Please leave...

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47. Ahhhhhhh!!!! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

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48. Ahh!

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49. [grunting, shouting]

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50. I have no feeling in my fingers or penis. But I think it was worth it.

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51. Haahh!!

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52. [turns in Pam's chair with a Pam wig on and laughs maniacally]

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53. Oh, no. Oh, no!

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54. Oh, no. Yes, taste my wrath!

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55. Huh? You like that?

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56. Huh?

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57. Yes, I have a wig for every single person in the office. You never know when your gonna need to bear a passing resemblance to someone.

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58. I could not agree more. And just want to state for the record that I am intending to sue Jim for acute psychological distress.

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59. With snowballs, Jim? With fluffy little snowballs? No. I thought we were just playing.

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60. Wait, what girlfriend?

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61. I find that unlikely. You email me when you get a new zit.

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62. Dear God in heaven.

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63. Okay, hey, hey, hey...

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64. Didn't think your affectionate nicknames would be your undoing, did you, Jim? Let that be a lesson to you all.

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65. I do not accept your surrender. There's only one way that I would ever relent.

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66. You hit Pam in the face with a snowball while I watch.

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67. I'll take that as a no.

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68. In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas.

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69. Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. No, Jim, hey!

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70. This meeting is for Knights of the Night only.

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71. Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. We're often compared to the Guardian Angels, but we could not be more different from them. Seriously, we are nothing like the Guardian Angels. I mean, broad strokes purposes, sure. Think Guardian Angels. One of our many recent good deeds? We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. Mission accomplished. Not by us.

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72. No, no, no, no, no. I see how this movie ends. You make fun of me, everyone laughs, ha, ha, ha... screw you!

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73. What are you going to do now? Are you going to make fun of our leader's weird voice? Huh? Dwight, don't be bothered by the. Over the line, Jim.

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74. Fine. Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. That's our official name, Jim.

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75. Reflective strips were glued to patrol jackets. Knights went outside with flashlights to test them.

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76. And the rest was juststuff.

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77. Okay. Knights stayed outside to play flashlight tag.

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78. It was pretty awesome.

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79. Wow. Did your baby draw that?

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80. Hey, hey, hey. Want me to crank the thermostat up to 90, smoke her out? She can't keep those mittens on forever.

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81. Not doing that.

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82. I've achieved plenty and there's no better than the best.

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83. Wait, it's that easy? That's not a resolution, that's just... something I want to do. Okay, fine. I can do that... My resolution is... meet a loose woman.

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84. Yeah.

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85. Awesome.

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86. It's that easy?

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87. Okay, I'll drive.

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88. I'll take the entirety of the second floor.

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89. Welcome.

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90. Is that what we were doing?

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91. Good. Real good.

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92. Yeah, yeah!

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93. Yeah, pretty much. But, you know, this place is kinda tapped out, so. Let's roll.

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94. Okay. What'd you get?

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95. Oh, really? What else? Let me see.

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96. I am not going back until I fulfill my resolution.

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97. Come on, why not? I've never been in one before. I'm tired of being Mr. Perfect Role Model all the time.

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98. Well, we can't just go back, I mean, we came out to meet women.

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99. Chicks fall down, need help getting back up.

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100. Gentlemen.

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