Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office | Page 56

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45503

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ohh, I enjoy laughing at my mistakes, because I've learned so much from them. I'd like to be interviewed for the position.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45505

Okay.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45507

It's complicated.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45509

Assistant Regional Manager.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45542

Assistant Regional Manager.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45544

Assistant Regional Manager.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45546

Uhh. Wait. Wait! No. Stop! Stop. Jo... It's me. I'm Dwight.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45549

Yeah.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45551

I would have dressed this way every day, legally changed my name, learned French sign language, shown up, and been the best damn branch manager you'd ever seen!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45555

Yes.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45557

Silence?

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45591

Dwight Schrute.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45607

You have to interview me...

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45609

I demand more questions!

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45611

Okay! If you're not going to interview me, then I'll do it.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45613

What will be your first priority? I will have seven first priorities. Safety, profits, fostering a community of self-reliance and entrepreneurship, listening, respect for human life, bolstering our public image, and... getting everyone home on time. Dwight, let me be frank. In an accident that no one can blame you for, an antique gun was discharged while you were acting manager. How are we ever to trust you again? That's a great question. I am going to institute a strict no-firearms policy for this office that extends to myself as well. Wow. All of my concerns are disappearing.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45615

Thank you. You'll be hearing from us shortly, Mr. Schrute, and I think you're gonna like the call you're going to receive. Oh, come on. I'm just happy that I got this meeting.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45617

Well, it's not entirely up to you, is it? Seems to me like someone's getting a little power-mad.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45634

What a surprise! Minorities sticking together.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45651

We're gonna miss you, Gabe.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45677

I will run this branch, or I will destroy this branch, or... I don't know. Something always works out.

Season 7 · Episode 24 · Quote 45704

No, I insist.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45720

K... Kevin!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45727

Yeah, at first, I was really disappointed, but I've got a great daily routine going right now. I have upped my karate to eight times a week. I've added boxing - lunches and on weekends. I do kickboxing three times a week. Krav Maga four times a week. An hour of meditation every morning at sunrise and again at sunset. So yeah, I'm doin' great.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45728

K, I'm gonna need some help. Pam?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45729

Hoist him aloft. C'mon Darryl. Lift, lift Darryl.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45740

Say no more.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45747

Kids, don't try planking. It's dangerous. 'Specially with me around.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45748

What are you looking at?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45769

It can't be nothing.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45771

Nice catch.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45778

Phyllis! Phyllis! You okay? You okay?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45786

' 2, 3!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45788

Okay, which side of the list am I on?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45790

Yes!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45792

This is if we were all on a cruise ship and had to divide into lifeboats. This is if we were on a cruise ship and had to divide into life rafts. Here's something. Who would eat who in an 'Alive' situation. No... that can't be it.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45800

Shhh, Pam. C'mon, don't be such a right-sider.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45804

No, it's not. Here's how we find out. Let's line up and compare the lines, see if we learn anything. Okay, left-siders over here. Right-siders, line up over here. Face each other. Match it by height and relative weight. Let's just size each other up here and left side of the list' ATTACK!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45835

That's great. Let's do this guys.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45841

You know, I feel comfortable enough now to ask you this question... what made you pick this group?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45872

Okay!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45874

Losers.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45877

C'mon.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45879

C'mon, c'mon.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45881

C'mon.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45883

Ha ha, I knew it! Ha ha! Yes! Woo!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45885

Oh, we did. It was the best time. And you know what? Now it's over. Back to work everyone. You too Andy.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45899

Jim, shut the door. This is just gross.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45920

Good night.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45937

Man, it's like hoisting a manatee. I can't get a grip it's so vast.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45952

God. How do whalers do it?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45954

Steak. Rare.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45968

One more. To our boss!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45973

You know what? Let us treat you. What do you say? It has been such a pleasure.

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45976

I insist. It is gonna be our treat, please?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45979

Oh, tips are expected?

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45982

Then expect to be shocked. Jim, you owe me $14.75. Oscar, $14.75. Darryl....

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45984

Whoo! Yeah! Yeah!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45987

Winners!

Season 8 · Episode 1 · Quote 45989

This week we are rolling out the brand new Sabre tablet'.the Pyramid.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46024

So, you can tell your clients: 'Unleash the power of the pyramid.'

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46026

Oh no no no. Without the battery pack and optional memory booster, it's barely three pounds.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46028

Fifty L.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46030

You're really going to want the booster.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46033

Thank you.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46038

Is this really the best use of our collective time?

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46042

OK, let's look at some ties.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46044

Here's how I'm going to help out from now on. I'm going to not care, and I'm going to sit around quietly waiting for Andy's inevitable demise.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46045

Your friend Neil Patrick Harris really made me laugh the other night.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46046

We could talk about how fast children grow up, and before you know it they're out of the house.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46116

Let me guess, somebody needs a brownie'? Lick the spoon?

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46130

Is this about the profits? Because if it is I just don't see the point. It's so Wall Street.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46132

Right?

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46134

Good. Really really good.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46136

Oh, it is. And beets are not immune. We made some inroads in salads, but heirloom tomatoes are pushing back.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46138

I don't know, what do you mean?

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46140

You wanted the job, the job is yours. Just do the job! And I'll do mine'.. walnuts?

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46142

Yeah!

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46192

Obviously you can go the ass tattoo route and obviously, I'm gonna like it.

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46260

DRAW SOME BLOOD!

Season 8 · Episode 2 · Quote 46261

....back orders and you never called them.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46310

OK, you know what? I'm gonna give him something to drink. Come here, doggy. Come on.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46321

There you go! Here doggy! He's not even trying. Come here doggy, come on.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46323

Whoa, Oscar! What are you- What? No, hey!

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46330

Nein. Sits. Goot.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46339

Yeah, that'll work.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46343

Bye poochie!

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46346

Before taxes.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46352

I know what you'd do with all that money. 'Hey Pam, let's buy expensive bathrobes and hug.'

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46362

I think we'll be fine.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46392

Hey...OK no. No. That. You are so not...oh god. False. Andy, I will volunteer.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46398

Negative! Three hundred boxes for me, zero for you chumps. Deal with it!

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46420

Yup.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46423

What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player. Or her husband.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46443

Well, they whipped people which was helpful. But you're right. We should be able to find a more efficient way of moving boxes than Madge or Heday.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46468

No, no. Very smart. Uh, theirs is more of a physical intelligence.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46470

Like baboons or elephants.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46472

Kevin! Doesn't apply.

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46477

Hey, idiot. What did Erin want again?

Season 8 · Episode 3 · Quote 46505

Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 56)