Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 40)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 40 of 76

1. He doesn't like it.

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2. Her face is okay, but-- Jesus! What --what are you doing here?

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3. Get out! We need to do something. I'm thinking maybe a coup or we take Ryan hostage.

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4. No, I'm not saying we do those things. I'm saying something like those things.

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5. Excellent question.

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6. Words will never be enough.

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7. No, pictures are too interpretive.

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8. Oh. Well, that--that's a great idea, Jim. Oh, I totally see your point. Okay, we'll talk to Michael directly. So uh, meeting is over, I guess. I'll see everyone upstairs.

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9. C'mon. Guys. Psst, listen. Now is the time for action. I'm talking action--

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10. Lunch.

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11. It's pony.

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12. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Give me the phone. Give me the phone.

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13. That's my client.

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14. Give me the phone.

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15. Give me the phone. Tell him Dwight Schrute wants to talk to him.

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16. Hi, Mr. Bart.

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17. Hey, it's Dwight here. Give me the phone.

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18. Dwight Schrute here. Hey, don't hang up.

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19. I know times are tough right now, and I laud your thriftiness. Ryan!

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20. Ah! Mr. Bart! Ugh! [slams phone down[ I cannot believe you lost that account. He was my client for ten years!

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21. You're a secretary! What do you know?

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22. And you're a temp and I'm taking your phone. I'm confiscating this.

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23. We want our clients back or we quit, Michael.

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24. No, we gotta be deadly serious. We'll start our own paper company. The Schrute-Bernard-Lapin-Vance...Stanley Paper Company.

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25. Right.

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26. Gasp. Are you talking about a secret meeting?

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27. I don't know that first things about secret meetings.

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28. I'll do--

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29. I'll do the best I can.

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30. Deceit does not come easy to me.

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31. That's fair.

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32. Listen up, Flenderson. You're being weak and ineffectual. I'm cowboying this meeting, okay? Here are the new rules. Earth tones only. Also, women are forbidden to wear pants.

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33. No.

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34. That's debatable.

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35. Shut up.

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36. I got her!

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37. I do.

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38. Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us.

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39. Now, how can I help you?

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40. Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court -

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41. It is a big deal. Cause there's only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner's permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate.

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42. No.

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43. All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy.

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44. Hey! Hey, hey, hey! I got your text. Who's Phillip?

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45. Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip?

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46. Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries.

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47. What do you think history is?

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48. Out of the way! Move it or lose it!

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49. You want to get sick you go to the hospital.

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50. I'm gonna need two able bodied men.

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51. You comfy? Alright? Alright. Relax. Relax, ok?

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52. Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn't doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth?

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53. No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. It's like children singing Christmas carols.

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54. Tell me where it hurts.

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55. Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.

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56. This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour.

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57. Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa.

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58. I'm gonna with the python.

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59. No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep.

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60. What's so funny?

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61. Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.

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62. You can't steal what is legally your property.

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63. It is hard to imagine you playing softball.

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64. Oh yeah? Big deal. I once hit three home runs against Little Flower Catholic.

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65. I played high school softball. Notice I didn't say 'girls' high school softball. Not after the landmark case of Shrute vs. the Lackawanna County Board of Education.That was one case the Pennsylvania Supreme Court got right. I hit the ball right over the protest banners.

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66. Oh, no. I love Ohio. Next time you're there say 'Hi' to my cousin Amel and then kick him in the groin area because he's a cheat and a ball hog. And if he's still married to Clarissa, kick her in the groin area, too. 'Cause she's a heart breaking tart...and a ball hog.

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67. What do you need from me?

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68. Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.

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69. Like clockwork.

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70. Bye Michael! Yeah!

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71. I'm gonna say 30.

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72. Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent.

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73. Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET?

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74. Rolph is my best friend. We met in a shoe store. I heard him asking for a shoe that could increase his speed and not leave any tracks.

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75. Listen up everyone! I've gone over this lineup very carefully. We cannot forget the humiliation we suffered last year at the softball game with Jim's whole spider-in-the-mitt incident. Right?

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76. Erin, back row. Ryan, you move up a row!

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77. Why? I don't understand.

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78. Woah, woah, woah. W-w-wait a minute. I get it. You want her to set you up so you can spike it.

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79. I'll tell you what, I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna put you next to Phyllis. She is the best setter on the team.

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80. Sly dog.

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81. Come on, folks!

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82. Ohh! Oh, Kevin! Come on!

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83. I could've gotten that, idiot!

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84. It's not a sledgehammer! Come on, people! We need to get our heads in the game! Let's focus! Come on, you're better than this! I am better than this! Phyllis, why are you sitting on the ground?!

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85. [grunts in frustration]

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86. Oh come- Ryan, come on, man! W-w-wait. Net. Net. Her hand's on the net.

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87. Rule violation. Ball is ours. Give it to me. Our point. Okay. Hey, Pam, how ya doin? Hey, do you know if you're right-handed or left-handed? Or do you even know? What hand do you use to answer the phone?

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88. Yes! We advance to the next round!

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89. Hit it Andy!

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90. Don't set it to yourself!

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91. What happened?

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92. You weren't even moving. Okay, sub!

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93. Okay, Rolph! Woah. Wait, wait-

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94. Listen guys, one more point and we play corporate.

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95. Hey, people need volleyball now more than ever.

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96. Because if we don't play, then the other team wins.

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97. Okay, knock it off, Rolph.

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98. Rolph, please. I am asking nicely-

    Season 5 · Episode 26 · Line 30721

99. Rolph, leave it alone!

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100. Pam!

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