Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 42)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 42 of 76

1. She had a couple hundred dollars to spend, I mean, if she was able to sell her bike.

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2. Well, if this is in fact her because it is a very common name.

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3. What? No way!

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4. Oh. God.

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5. You know what? I made you a cd...

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6. Mmm-hmm.

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7. This is to play when you bring a woman back to your hotel room.

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8. You're gonna like this. 'Hello. This is Dwight Schrute. If you are listening to this you are a lucky woman Michael has seduced. Ah to be in your shoes. 'What's next?', you're probably wondering. Don't be scared of you're night in heaven--'

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9. Yeah. It's practical.

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10. The proximity to the falls makes everything smell like a basement.

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11. Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. Confirmation number: Romeo. Tango. G7745.

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12. And I had spoken to Teresa about a room with two safes?

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13. Ok.

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14. No way. What if I meet someone?

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15. No. No.

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16. You would?

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17. Really?

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18. Wait a second. Oh. No, no, no. This must be some kind of mistake. This reservation seems to be under an M. Scott. This must be yours.

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19. Oh no. Now that I don't have a room, can I stay with you?

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20. Please?

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21. Mmm-hmm.

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22. Ok. Ok. A-ha-ha! That was a test. You have failed. For this is my room. You would not share with me.

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23. No you do not.

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24. It worked.

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25. From quarter three to quarter four up 17 percent, while his sales down two percent. It's all in the report.

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26. Excellent question. Because while I was busy trying to improve the company and make it a success, Jim... the bad man was busy kissing the boss man's butt.

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27. That's right. It is ew. It is very ew.

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28. It's just for family.

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29. Isabel Poreba. Oh, I've got stuff on her. In 1996 her tenth grade volleyball team went 10-2.

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30. That's a very good record.

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31. Knight Rider.

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32. No.

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33. Very smart.

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34. What? It's a casual, social outfit.

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35. No. They're howling at the moon. It's suggestive to women because of the howling during sex.

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36. I'm just worried about the farm, ya know? Mose hates to geld the horses by himself.

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37. Nine and three-quarters.

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38. I invented a device called 'Burger on the Go'. It allows you to obtain 6 regular size hamburgers, or 12 sliders, from a horse without killing the animal. George Foreman is still considering it. Sharper Image is still considering it. Sky Mall's considering it. Hammacher Schlemer is still considering it. Sears said, 'No'.

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39. Michael.

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40. Drop this one. Abort.

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41. I found twins.

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42. Aren't they magnificent?

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43. I love finding a good set of twins.

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44. Hey-O!

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45. Congratulations.

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46. Oh my goodness.

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47. You'll have Pam to answer to.

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48. Jim... hey why don't you braid my hair. I want to watch TV.'

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49. You have everything?

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50. Cell phone? Charger?

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51. It really is. I'm not hungry. I ate a whole bunch of sunflower seeds after you went to sleep. And besides, I wouldn't want to take you away from Pam on the morning of her wedding. She needs you Isabel.

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52. You know it.

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53. Okay, get out of here.

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54. Okay.

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55. Really? I hadn't noticed. Too busy knocking boots.

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56. I'm ravenous after a night of love making. You?

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57. Hey, what was she like?

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58. Brides side or grooms side? Or townie?

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59. No kidding.

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60. I bet she had hairy armpits.

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61. Isabel was nice, but I hope she doesn't think this is going anywhere.

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62. No.

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63. Oh please. Put a gun in my mouth.

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64. Look. She's a dental hygienist from Carbondale and she makes love like one. She's a bumpkin. Pass.

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65. You should ask her out.

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66. I got them a set of turtle boiling pots, a shell hammer and bibs.

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67. That was an intelligent comment.

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68. Oh. Fine. Isabel, nice to see you. What do you want?

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69. So, uh tell me again the difference between Filene's and Filene's basement.

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70. Toby.

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71. I'd like to lodge a formal complaint against Jim for making us wait for over an hour.

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72. Crap. Come here you.

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73. I think you're right. It definitely looks suspicious. And his southern Italian heritage raises some flags.

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74. Did he threaten you?

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75. I knew it! More trunk space. Or should I say, corpse space.

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76. No, not that, by itself. But look at all the facts. He seems like a mobster.

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77. Exactly.

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78. No I disagree. 'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it 'murder.' And not 'muck-duck.'

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79. Lock your door!

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80. That's bad.

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81. That's bad.

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82. He's right. Cops can't do anything until a crime has been reported.

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83. You know what?

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84. That's an exaggeration.

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85. No, criminals are like raccoons. Okay, you give 'em a taste of cat food pretty soon they'll be back for the whole cat.

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86. The only way to defeat a bully is to stand up to him. Trust me, I have bullied a lot of people.

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87. Here's what we do. We meet him in a public place. Ask him to lunch or something like that, some place he can't be openly violent.

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88. Let him know you're not the typical kind of guy that he can shake down. That you're stubborn. That you might even be a little bit dangerous.

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89. Do you know how to use it?

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90. You're wearing loafers!

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91. Hey. Bathroom checks out clean. Nothing behind the toilet except for this roach motel.

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92. You'll never kill it that way. You want to separate the head from the thorax-

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93. Hello.

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94. Oh he's not that nice.

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95. What he's trying to say is, Gabba. Gool.

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96. Bring him the gabba-gool!

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97. He was trying to force you to decide on a policy.

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98. So we're choosing...

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99. Check out Dental?

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100. Don't do it!

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