Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 22)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 22 of 76

1. Sounds... fun.

   Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14949

2. No need to thank me.

   Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14953

3. I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office. You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from

   Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14954

4. Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years. Which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique. It's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.

   Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 14971

5. Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned.

   Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 14972

6. Ok, tell him that's not true.

   Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 14974

7. Ok, no. Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!

   Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 14977

8. Damn you.

   Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 14979

9. Yeah!

   Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15001

10. Idiots! God, what are we gonna do!?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15103

11. Wolves.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15105

12. Visual aids.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15107

13. A quilt. Depression quilt?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15109

14. Okay, let's do this thing! I'll go summon the troops!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15116

15. We measured it once...

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15118

16. Seedless?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15120

17. Ready?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15131

18. [drops watermelon, watermelon bounces off trampoline, onto a car, bursts, car alarm sounds]

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15133

19. Okay.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15135

20. Got it.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15137

21. We're not allowed to use the baler.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15139

22. I'm on it!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15141

23. I'm temporarily lifting the shun.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15142

24. It means nothing. I need you to do something for me.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15144

25. Okay, calm down. I need you to acquire an inflatable house, and/or castle.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15146

26. What do you think? You've got an hour.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15148

27. Shunning resumed.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15150

28. Un-shun. Yeah that sounds good. Re-shun.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15152

29. Oh yeah, this is much better. Safer. Excellent decision.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15153

30. When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15155

31. Do you wanna do another test? I got plenty of watermelons in my trunk!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15157

32. That's right! Doing! Totally doing! It's rock n' roll!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15159

33. Yeah!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15161

34. Near near near near near!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15163

35. Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15165

36. Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15167

37. Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15169

38. Guys! Listen up! Michael is up on the roof, and acting strange!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15171

39. Un-shun. I think he's suffering from depression. Re-shun.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15173

40. Un-shun. Never. Re-shun. I think he wants you all to come out to the parking lot and watch him die!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15175

41. It's gorgeous. Let's go!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15177

42. No really, it's, it's very nice. Come on!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15179

43. Everybody's gonna be fine in exactly what they're wearing, let's go! Let's go!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15181

44. Come on, hurry up you guys!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15182

45. Michael, what's wrong?!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15184

46. Depression? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15186

47. Is that the last year the data was available?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15188

48. Don't do anything rash!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15190

49. I didn't... I didn't think you needed them for this part.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15192

50. you said to just...

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15194

51. Okay, I'm on it!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15196

52. Attention blue collar workers!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15198

53. Michael's up on the roof and he's acting strange!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15203

54. Michael! What's wrong?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15205

55. Depressed? Isn't that just a fancy word for feeling bummed out?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15207

56. No, there's nothing to see over there, people! There's nothing to see. ...They found the castle, Michael.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15216

57. Okay, uh... I don't see anything. She might be bluffing.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15226

58. Oh... It's uh, a Repliee Q1 Expo female robot, they're only available in Japan.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15229

59. Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15266

60. Step lively. Single file everybody.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15268

61. Let's single...

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15270

62. Single... OK.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15272

63. Buddy system, everyone buddy up, find a buddy.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15274

64. [sighs]

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15285

65. No it was not. Remind me again, what was the fight exactly, who was it between, and what was the outcome?

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15287

66. Right.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15289

67. Argh!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15291

68. Ghaaa!

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15293

69. Can you tell Andy to focus on the springs? Please.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15298

70. OK, ahh, turn around, and do a broad jump for me on go. Ready... Go! One Mississ... OK, you went that far on one Mississ. Ippi would take you to here. This trajectory times the propulsion from your quadriceps would be about three Mississippi, maybe three and a quarter. So one Mississ... correct... ippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi... e. Right here.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15302

71. OK, if he's not down by four, I'll get the papers up to him.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15316

72. Come on pretty boy.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15325

73. It's only leased, and it's got rust damage, he'll never get his deposit back.

    Season 3 · Episode 19 · Line 15339

74. That's a ridiculous question.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15343

75. Well that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought---

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15345

76. Bears do not--- What is going on--- What are you doing?!

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15347

77. You know what? Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I thank you. Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15349

78. Oh, that's funny. MICHAEL!

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15351

79. Cri-Man-Squa?

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15359

80. Yes! You are entering the 'No Spin Zone!'

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15387

81. Not!

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15390

82. On it. OK, Karen, Ryan, Pam, center stage. Pam, run a comb through your hair.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15437

83. First rule in road-side beet sales: Put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go, 'Wow, I need this beet right now.' Those are the money beets.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15438

84. Hey! Look sharp! Hey! Uh, Hi. Hello, Dwight Schrute.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15439

85. And you must be uh, from the Washington Post.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15441

86. And 'Breaking Corporate News.'

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15443

87. Oh, dear God. OK, here are your credentials. You've been granted level three security clearance.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15445

88. Don't get too excited, that's out of 20. Right this way. Regional Manager Michael Scott will be addressing the client in the press room shortly. Have a seat, can I get you a beverage?

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15447

89. Great.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15449

90. Emergency dentist appointment.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15469

91. You look good in this.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15475

92. May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15508

93. I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15510

94. It's non-transferable...

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15525

95. Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15539

96. I'm just saying...

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15541

97. They would flank you. Throw in a concussion grenade.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15543

98. You would be on the ground, blind, deaf, dumb.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15545

99. Cut.

    Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15547

100. Pam.

     Season 3 · Episode 20 · Line 15586