Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 19)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 19 of 76

1. It wasn't clear on the Google Image search.

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 11933

2. Very good Michael. Really good.

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 12012

3. No, no, it's better than fantastic. It's super perfect.

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 12015

4. It just goes to show you, you play with fire and you are gonna singe your eyebrows. And they do not grow back the same way.

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 12023

5. Bull... Sorry.

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 12026

6. I had a tickle in my throat.

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 12030

7. I can't say?

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 12032

8. Sometimes it hurts Michael.

   Season 3 · Episode 8 · Quote 12034

9. I am cool.

   Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12102

10. I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm so cool. Tell me what is going on.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12104

11. I am greatly concerned about having a convict in the office. And I do not care if that convict is white, black, Asian, German, or some kind of halfsy. I do not like criminals.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12106

12. Prison Mike. What's the very very worst thing about prison?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Quote 12206

13. Merry Christmas!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12227

14. Don't worry, she's dead. Oh wait. He's dead.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12229

15. I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12231

16. Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12233

17. Jim.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12235

18. What does it look like?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12237

19. And circle gets the square.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12239

20. So can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12241

21. No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12243

22. Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12244

23. He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12245

24. Exactly. Thank you, Jim.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12247

25. Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12251

26. It's Christmas Toby.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12253

27. Toby...

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12255

28. Please? Please?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12257

29. Oh Pam. Take a chill pill.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12260

30. Oh, ouch. Michael, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you described her.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12295

31. Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12348

32. Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we're one bathrobe short.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12362

33. Copy.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12364

34. We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12384

35. Oh, look at this. Your old condo closing papers. It's riddled with Carol's name. I wish I could throw this in the box.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12387

36. Why don't you just buy the whole song?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12388

37. Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars 'cause they failed to report a mold problem. But wouldn't that affect the final... How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12390

38. Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12428

39. As ranking number three in this office, I am order -

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12430

40. You're number four.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12432

41. Ah, no. You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12434

42. Ok, good

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12436

43. OK, this is stupid.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12438

44. No no, no, wait, wait, wait Permission to join the Validity Committee.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12440

45. Damn it!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12442

46. Get out Jim. Actually, um... Sir, I'm going to need take this chair.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12459

47. I can't... I can't here what you're saying.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12463

48. What're you talking about?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12465

49. Carol had a mustache?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12467

50. What are you guys talking about?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12469

51. Michael! Repeat what you said louder!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12471

52. It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12472

53. Who are you calling?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12475

54. Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12500

55. Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12502

56. Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12504

57. Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12515

58. Start the party.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12519

59. Jim! Jim! What... What's happening?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12548

60. Oh... Narcolepsy.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12550

61. Oh my gosh, now she's up.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12554

62. Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12556

63. Hey! It's Angela! Hey!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12606

64. No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12617

65. No... way! Yeah!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12620

66. Oh.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12622

67. Walkie-talkies.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12624

68. Yes!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12626

69. Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12658

70. Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed...

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12676

71. pum pum pum pum pum pum pum

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12697

72. Bye Pam.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12698

73. What the? 'You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone.' Destroy phone?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12706

74. Where's Michael going? Michael? Is he sick? Is he choking?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Quote 12736

75. Tape recorder.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12775

76. For recording. Michael is on vacation and he's asked me to record all meetings and to type up the transcripts.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12777

77. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12781

78. I'm not.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12783

79. I do not have a knife!

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12785

80. Let the record show that Jim Halpert is a liar!

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12787

81. Give me it. I am not.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12789

82. Jim Carrey did not just walk in, OK.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12791

83. You can't see... You can't see my stomach.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12794

84. Who's the target?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12880

85. What's it of?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12882

86. Unless you're willing to tell me everything, I cannot accept this assignment.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12884

87. OK, I accept it.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12886

88. Michael hit a deer?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12919

89. Michael! Michael! There's an emergency in the warehouse.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12920

90. No, it's... involves the photograph.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12922

91. I have disconnected the office T1 line. I have ordered that that be taken down and destroyed all print outs from the bathroom.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12944

92. There were. A lot of them.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12946

93. Who did this to you? Where is he?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12955

94. It's hot in here.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12957

95. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12959

96. I know. So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12961

97. Hello, you're back.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12993

98. While you were gone...

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12995

99. While you were gone, Jim glued my desk drawers together. He changed my voicemail so that my voice sounded like a chipmunk. He told me that we had a meeting at 4:00 AM, and I was the only one who showed up.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12997

100. He turned over my...

     Season 3 · Episode 11 · Quote 12999