Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 21)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 21 of 76

1. What do you think?

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13826

2. Okay.

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13829

3. Sure

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13831

4. Inbwit? Yes.

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13833

5. [Windows reboot sound]

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13834

6. I...

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13836

7. I don't know. My mouth tastes so bad all of a sudden.

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13838

8. Hello, Angela.

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13848

9. You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.

   Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13850

10. The Shrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13852

11. Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13876

12. No way.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13878

13. Of course I saw it.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13880

14. I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13881

15. Once again, Jim, I will take care of this. I will locate the wedding crashers and report them to Phyllis. That way I won't have to get her a gift.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13883

16. It's a miracle.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13894

17. Best of luck, Phyllis. Also I'm going to need to see a copy of the guest manifest as well as photographs of the caterers.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13913

18. Dammit, Phyllis!

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13915

19. Scuse me, sir. How do you know the happy couple?

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13922

20. The bride and groom? What are their names?

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13924

21. Oh I get it, I get it, come on, freeloader. Let's move it. Come on. Come on.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13926

22. Got to find yourself another wedding to crash, my friend.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13928

23. I can't let you in, Michael.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13976

24. No, it's Bob and Phyllis' orders.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13978

25. You are a real life wedding crasher and I must bounce you. I'm sorry, it gives me no pleasure.

    Season 3 · Episode 15 · Line 13980

26. Don't be an idiot.' Changed my life.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14020

27. Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14021

28. ...Oh my God. Animal stool.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14048

29. Solving a mystery, if that's quite alright with you. Come to Papa. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, what we have here is a bird that has been trapped in a vent. Fortunately I have found it befo--BAT! BAAAT! BAT!

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14050

30. BAAAAT! BAT! NO! EVERYONE REMAIN CALM! There it goes!

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14052

31. We have... a bat... in the office.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14058

32. At Six?! No, that is unacceptable. Okay, Jim, you are the number two in this office. You need to step up and show some leadership.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14062

33. What? What's so wierd?

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14064

34. This is your job, Halpert.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14068

35. No... no. One crisis at a time.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14074

36. If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a 'sylvania.' Like PENN-sylvania. Now that doesn't mean that Jim is going to become a vampire. Only that he carries the vampiric germ.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14075

37. I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14091

38. Extraordinary events call for extraordinary actions. We form an allegiance--

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14092

39. --to use sudden violence.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14094

40. Do you have the tools to turn a wooden mop handle into a stake?

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14096

41. Flush him towards the door. On my go... NOW!

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14111

42. Animal control? I've been controlling animals since I was six.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14128

43. Goodbye Jim. And good luck.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14130

44. Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey, and I wish him well. But I have a destiny in this realm. Specifically, in the kitchen.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14131

45. Magic time. Gyeeeaahhh!

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14145

46. Hold still, woman!

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14147

47. ...... You're welcome.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14149

48. BAT!

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14244

49. What is a leader? I asked Jim that, and he said he had never heard the word before. In America, in 2007. He said he knew the word ladder... What an ignoramous.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14246

50. You want rabies? Be my guest.

    Season 3 · Episode 16 · Line 14248

51. Yes. But this seems to be...

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14261

52. I know how. Dislocate his shoulder and slip his arm out from underneath.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14265

53. [trumpet sounds]

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14276

54. It's early bird gets the worm.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14279

55. Let me smell. Good, not great.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14282

56. Thanks for inviting me along.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14295

57. Hello, Jan.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14306

58. Talk to you later, Jan.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14319

59. Salad.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14327

60. You dressed exactly like the servants.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14329

61. Wait. I don't think yours will fit me.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14331

62. That would have been really embarrassing.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14333

63. Crisis averted.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14335

64. It's from both of us.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14344

65. Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14363

66. Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14377

67. No? Then you are an idiot.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14379

68. What's the square footage?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14403

69. Does that include the garage?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14405

70. I'm just...

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14407

71. It's a common question.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14409

72. These old colonials are great, when they're sound. I'd love to take a look around.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14411

73. Cool, let's start with the banisters.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14413

74. Huh. Yeah, these studs are way too far apart. What's in here?.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14445

75. Just the one window?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14447

76. Are those real pearls?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14449

77. Good.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14451

78. Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14490

79. I want one. It's got good solid construction. Comfortable. What is this? Oak?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14492

80. What do you know?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14494

81. The chimney is in decent shape. Not great. I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14511

82. Don't break up you guys, you're great together.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14544

83. Why would the architect design stairs this wide? Was there an obese family in here before you?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14577

84. How convenient.

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14579

85. Space shuttle. Which one? Oh, Atlantis. Good thing it's not the Discovery. You play soccer?

    Season 3 · Episode 17 · Line 14598

86. Pam, please call security!

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14622

87. Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14623

88. Thank you not necessary and thus, not accepted. I saw someone breaking the law and I interceded.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14644

89. Don't want it.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14646

90. Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it. Citizens do not accept prizes for being citizens.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14648

91. No, don't call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning, and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the commissioner, and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14650

92. I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked indicating an attack position. Perp grabbed the victim. I removed my weapon from its secure hiding place.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14688

93. Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter into the perpetrator's eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14690

94. When Han Solo returns to the Death Star in the Millennium Falcon, and shoots down the TIE fighters and saves the Rebel cause, do you think he does so for a free beer?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14800

95. No. And why are you so interested in buying me something Jim, what's your angle?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14802

96. What's this?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14918

97. Certificate of Bravery, from the Scranton Police Department. 'Recognizing outstanding citizenship from a very brave young man. Dwight K. Schrute'

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14920

98. Please. They hand these out to little kids. Look. There's a teddy bear in a policeman's cap.

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14922

99. Really?

    Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14945

100. Mm, good stuff.

     Season 3 · Episode 18 · Line 14947