Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 18)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 18 of 76

1. Yes? What is the meaning of this?

   Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11324

2. Well, the branch is no longer finicially viable. It's simple dollars and cents.

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3. Listen, Scott... we're losing money, okay? It's not a charity; it's a business. And it's a dying business.

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4. Whoa hey, why not?

   Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11330

5. Okay.

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6. Dum, dum, dum, du, doy, du, do... coming home from work...

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7. Uh!

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8. Ah. Here, replinish your fluids.

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9. who is it?

   Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11375

10. Gonna get it?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11377

11. Nothing.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11398

12. Then it was an honor to have worked with you.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11400

13. My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with a fire extinguisher.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11402

14. Uh,... my first sale, my promotion to assistant regional manager, our basketball game, when you took me to the hospital, and told me that you cared about me.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11404

15. What were your favorite moments?

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16. What about when Jan said the branch was closing?

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11408

17. Well, it doesn't...

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11410

18. [picks up his beeping cell phone]

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11434

19. Oh my God!

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11436

20. Stranford is closed! Michael, we're not closed. Stamford is closed. Stamford is closed.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11438

21. We did it!

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11440

22. In your face!

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11445

23. Oh, man.

    Season 3 · Episode 7 · Line 11447

24. I don't ... have no idea.

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25. Psh, why is that great?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11468

26. What was your mile time?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11470

27. I could beat that on a skateboard.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11472

28. Yeah, well my feet don't. And I can still crush that time.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11474

29. Let's just put it this way. Last weekend I outran a black pepper snake.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11476

30. I am fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11478

31. Man, what is taking Toby so long?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11479

32. And you'll compare the times?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11481

33. No, my groin...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11483

34. ...is really tight.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11485

35. I can't...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11487

36. Aaaaah!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11489

37. Nametag?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11492

38. Karen Filippelli.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11494

39. Probably Italian. Possibly Filipino.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11496

40. That's Andy Bernard.

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41. If I were you...

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42. ...I would fire Anthony Gardner...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11504

43. ...before noon...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11506

44. ...to consolidate power.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11508

45. No, no, no! Not somebody. Gardner.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11510

46. The Japanese camp guards of World War II always chose one man to kill whenever a batch of new prisoners arrived. I always wondered how they chose the man who was to die. I think I would have been good at choosing the person.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11511

47. Hannah Smoterich-Barr.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11518

48. Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in from Stamford.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11567

49. Fact - I am older. I am wiser. Do not mess with me.

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50. What are you doing?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11571

51. I have a smudge on my forehead?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11573

52. Why are you looking at my forehead?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11575

53. Meet my eye line, Jim!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11577

54. Stop acting like an idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11579

55. Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11599

56. So you'll be reporting to me, then.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11601

57. My title has 'Manager' in it.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11603

58. Oh.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11605

59. I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11607

60. We need to talk!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11629

61. Which is higher? Assistant Regional Manager or Regional Director in Charge of Sales?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11631

62. Okay. So who gets paid more? Me or Andy?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11633

63. Ok. Who reports to who?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11635

64. And then if I want...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11637

65. I...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11639

66. I...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11641

67. One...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11643

68. Yo Mike, our town is dope and pretty.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11670

69. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11674

70. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11676

71. But check that it's covered by your health care provider!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11678

72. But the little cars go in the compact spot

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11683

73. Do you mean to me? From you? Cause that's how it works.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11697

74. Do you have batteries?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11749

75. Very funny, Michael!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11769

76. Really funny, Michael!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11771

77. Do this. Come on. Ready?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11784

78. On three. One... two... three.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11786

79. Hey, hey. Easy.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11802

80. That was my advice. Remember? I'm the one who suggested that you fire him.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11822

81. And what advice has Andy given to you today that you have acted on? Would 'none' be an accurate estimate? None advice? Fire Andy. Fire. Andy.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11824

82. What!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11833

83. YEAH!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11838

84. If he even wants it. It doesn't come with a pay raise.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11871

85. So who will be your new Number Three?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11873

86. And I have to say your leadership...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11877

87. has brought...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11879

88. Uh, try double that. Classic TransAm, vintage American muscle. Please.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11907

89. Xterra's not even a real word.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11909

90. Oh, so you drive an X-Earth?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11911

91. That makes sense. I'd rather drive a classic TransAm than an XEarth.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11913

92. Well I hope 1985 has a time machine 'cause I drive an 87.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11915

93. Speaking of funerals, why don't you go ahead and go die.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11917

94. Idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11919

95. If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11921

96. You're the idiot!

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11923

97. I was making fun of your comeback! That's why it worked. Totally got the best of that interchange.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11925

98. Nash.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11927

99. Male, age 37...

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11929

100. Mocha complexion. Supplier relations. Either caught a fish or was standing next to a man who caught a fish in Key West, Florida.

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