Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 16)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 16 of 76

1. Misdemeanor?

   Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9988

2. Coast Guard? So you know how to fight underwater?

   Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9990

3. Take a seat down there. Second from the end.

   Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10000

4. Why him?

   Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10009

5. Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who.

   Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10014

6. That's not going to happen.

   Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10025

7. That's not his fault! He had to follow his heart!

   Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10027

8. Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms.

   Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10028

9. Michael would never let me...

   Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10030

10. I could never do that!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10032

11. WAH! GAH!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10051

12. Is this Jan?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10053

13. This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10055

14. It's about Michael.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10057

15. I can't talk here. It's too sensitive.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10059

16. No, but we should discuss that another time.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10061

17. Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop, until I can meet you.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10063

18. Many of your blouses are Claiborne's.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10065

19. Part of my job.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10067

20. ...noted.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10069

21. I'm going... to the dentist.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10070

22. I have to have an emergency crown put in.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10072

23. Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone... three hours.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10074

24. Did you get anything good?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10076

25. New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10078

26. I can save the branch.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10079

27. If you let me run it.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10081

28. 'Ok' I can run it?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10083

29. Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. Right here. It's all for me. Thank you.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10085

30. The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So, here we are. It's all, on the table. I want... the branch. And I await your decision.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10087

31. Oh, by the way. There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10088

32. Hey.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10135

33. No thanks I'm stuffed.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10137

34. ...ok.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10139

35. ...so good.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10141

36. They have this new kind of quick drying bonding, so...

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10143

37. Oh, yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10145

38. Crentist.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10147

39. Yep.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10149

40. Maybe that's why he became a dentist.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10151

41. Ahh. Aaaah.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10153

42. I know...

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10155

43. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10160

44. What is it?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10162

45. No.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10164

46. Gahh!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10166

47. I can't believe this news. That--- wow.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10168

48. You said that?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10170

49. Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10172

50. All right.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10174

51. Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10176

52. Hey... I can't imagine this place without you.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10178

53. Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. Ok let's do it.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10181

54. Thank you Angela.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10186

55. Thank you Michael. I just want to say, to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black! With ferocity!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10192

56. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10202

57. I

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10204

58. Oh please, don't be naive. But you can be in charge of the women.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10206

59. No thank you.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10222

60. No thanks.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10224

61. Not my style.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10226

62. Well that was before. I'm thinking about getting something German, something with decent gas mileage. Plus, that convertible, it's a ridiculous choice for this climate.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10228

63. No.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10230

64. What did you---

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10232

65. Yes.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10234

66. You know what?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10236

67. No!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10238

68. I think the Sebring's cool. It's cool. The Seabring's cool. It has a cassette and it has a CD.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10240

69. Don't fire me. Please.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10242

70. I HAVE EXCELLENT SALES NUMBERS!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10244

71. I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year!

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10246

72. I'm sorry! I'll do anything, I swear.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10248

73. You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael. What can I do? What can I do? What can I do? What can I do?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10250

74. Hey. Is everything okay?

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10257

75. If the branch is in trouble, there are things you can do.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10259

76. I know that we need to cut costs. We could fire Meredith. That's a big cost.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10261

77. Creed might be living here, we could charge him rent.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10263

78. [looks to Angela]

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10271

79. The Schrutes are a very loyal breed. But I also have Mannheim blood from my German grandmother. And the Mannheims knew when to cut and run. No sense going down with a losing regime. But the Schrute blood... It's amazing that when these two bloods mix, the whole thing didn't explode.

    Season 3 · Episode 3 · Line 10273

80. Whoo!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10293

81. Awesome!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10295

82. Michael, can you get me a pen from down in the warehouse?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10298

83. Okay. Whoo!

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10300

84. Really?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10347

85. That is the way to go. Instant death. Very smart.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10350

86. You're thinking of a chicken.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10352

87. Ed was decapitated.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10356

88. You said you didn't know how to say it.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10358

89. Hey.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10360

90. If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10362

91. When I die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10364

92. That is not a statue, that is a robot.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10376

93. And how big do you want this robot?

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10378

94. Mm, no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop if it turns on us.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10380

95. Look I gave him a six foot extension cord so he can't chase us.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10391

96. I got it. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10431

97. Michael! Michael. Michael ...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10456

98. Oh...

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10458

99. Poor little fella.

    Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10460

100. He is a goner.

     Season 3 · Episode 4 · Line 10462