Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 15)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 15 of 76

1. I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years.

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9080

2. I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom.

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9082

3. Impossible. Roulette is not a game of skill, it is a game of chance.

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9085

4. Oh, really? Mmm-hmm.

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9087

5. How would you do that?

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9089

6. You can't be serious. Are you serious?

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9091

7. I don't believe you. Continue.

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9093

8. That's ridiculous. You know what? Uh... Why don't you move that coat rack? Excuse me, everyone! Attention in the office, please. Jim is about to prove his telekinetic powers and he needs absolute silence. Go ahead.

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9095

9. Oh, my God.

   Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9097

10. Yes!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9120

11. Wait, canine AIDS?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9142

12. Actually, it's owned by Beakman Properties, and Dunder Mifflin is four years into a seven-year lease.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9164

13. When Darryl was coming, you said you wanted me here for protection.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9166

14. Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9262

15. I'm Michael's wingman. I've got his back. Two dates. He's got two dates tonight. My job is to keep Jan away from Carol and vice versa. Michael said, 'We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.'

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9263

16. I expect to do very well tonight. I have an acute ability to read people. Jim, for instance, has a huge tell. When he gets a good hand, he coughs.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9292

17. Hey, hey.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9310

18. Jan's here.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9312

19. Give me the dice.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9313

20. Let's go.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9315

21. Evening, Angela. This is craps. I need to roll an eight. If I do, everyone wins.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9318

22. Thank you, Angela.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9321

23. Yeah! Yeah!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9323

24. Give me the dice!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9326

25. Come on, shooter!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9350

26. Come on. So where you staying? Radisson?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9356

27. Super 8?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9358

28. Motel 6? Best Western?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9360

29. Holiday Inn? The Hyatt in Wilkes-Barre? You staying with Michael?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9362

30. Nice, very nice.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9369

31. Oh, man!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9372

32. Do you need anything?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9447

33. Should I get water or donuts?

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9449

34. Come on, let's go. Take a seat.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9451

35. Office Depot!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9454

36. The planet Caprica.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9458

37. It's from Battlestar Galactica.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9460

38. Yeah, get them, Creed!

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9470

39. My charity is the Farm Defense Fund. It's one of the best organizations that fights infestation of the beet armyworm.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9472

40. I don't believe that Jim moved that coat rack. But if he did, he has an obligation to use his gift wisely. With great power comes great responsibility. They could do a cross-section of his brain to find out more. But I don't think it's true, though.

    Season 2 · Episode 22 · Line 9474

41. Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. Ooooh I cry myself to sleep, Jim!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9495

42. Of course.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9529

43. Absolutely not.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9531

44. Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so...

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9533

45. You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9535

46. I really don't think so.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9538

47. [creepy smile]

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9540

48. Jim told me you could buy gay-dar online.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9542

49. Yeah probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9544

50. Definitely.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9546

51. Damn. I'll try Brookstone.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9549

52. Uh, Michael knows Pam. He asked me to do this just for him. He has his own reasons.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9583

53. Ah damn pop-ups.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9585

54. I think all the other office gays should identify themselves, or I will do it for them.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9597

55. What about Phyllis? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9599

56. Michael appears to be gay too. And yet he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9620

57. 'Hope this helps. -Jim' Nice!

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9627

58. Shhh. Don't be scared. It works. ...oh no.

    Season 3 · Episode 1 · Line 9629

59. Don't be mad, it is a business trip.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9696

60. Monkey, I am an A. R. M., Assistant Regional Manager.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9698

61. Yes, Monkey.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9700

62. And your veil.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9712

63. Um.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9718

64. I got it.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9720

65. I got it.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9722

66. Um.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9723

67. Can I have my neck pillow back? Michael! Can I have my neck pillow back?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9731

68. Oh, hey, how's it going up there? Have you made any sales yet?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9739

69. Shut up. That's impossible.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9742

70. Well, I did it too.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9744

71. So what kind of commissions you get up there?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9751

72. You're so immature!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9753

73. Hey, Jan.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9758

74. This party is going to be awesome.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9772

75. Check it out.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9774

76. Wow.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9776

77. I'll do a shot, Michael.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9790

78. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9794

79. I'm a huge fan.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9796

80. Why do they call him The Bus?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9803

81. Smile!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9805

82. You don't have email on your phone.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9809

83. No one just called you.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9811

84. Yes. Anything.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9818

85. I'll talk to my buddy down at the station, stat.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9820

86. So I called my buddy down at the station today. Had them run a background check on Josh Porter. See if there's any known aliases, et cetera.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9828

87. He wasn't volunteering today.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9830

88. Whoa. Michael.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9844

89. Was that your per diem?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9847

90. Hey, Michael.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9861

91. Keep the wing flaps.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9869

92. Come on. Nice try, Josh!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9874

93. Yes! Ha!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9894

94. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9957

95. Blood, urine, or semen.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9959

96. Mm-hm.

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9976

97. No!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9978

98. What would you have done? Been manager?

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9980

99. You? A bottle capper?!

    Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9982

100. So, you ever been convicted of a felony?

     Season 3 · Episode 2 · Line 9986