Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 12)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 12 of 76

1. Hello Angela. Did you hear, somebody rocked the house and got me the best present I've ever gotten.

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2. Oh I did. I did.

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3. Oh, I bet you will before the day is over.

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4. Pam. Hi, How ya doing? Good. Listen, uh may I speak with you... privately?

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5. No, Pam, Just. Just,

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6. Girlfriend. Yes, and the reason I didn't get anything for this particular person - who shall remain nameless - is that she's not really the kind of person you'd think would be into Valentine's Day. She's kind of...

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7. (smirking) Exactly.

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8. You mean, like a ham?

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9. Ok, I get it.

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10. Ok, shut up. I know exactly what to do.

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11. Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

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12. Okay, okay. That's enough.

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13. Come on, break this up.

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14. How do you spell 'animalian'?

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15. Yes.

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16. None of your business. I'm writing something.

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17. Forget it. I'll look it up myself.

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18. No, you know what? You do it.

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19. Uh, yes, I'm in charge. You have to. Look it up.

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20. So tell me.

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21. Forget it. I'll do it. But you're getting written up.

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22. They are either going to say yes... or no.

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23. Think it through.

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24. Fumble! Yaaah!

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25. Hut! Hut! Hut! Hike!

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26. Ryan.

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27. Ooh. They're having a sale on TiVo. Maybe I should get a TiVo. Oh. DVD Burner! Maybe I should get one of those. You are so lucky, Jim. You are so lucky you don't have this problem. What was the 9th place prize again? A loaf of bread?

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28. Oh, great. Tasty, terrific pizza. Hmm. Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?

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29. Ha! I don't get it.

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30. Well, it's not really a big speech. You still coming right?

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31. What if I give a really long, extended Thank You. For instance, 'Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very...'

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32. When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school Spelling Bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'.

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33. I can't do this.

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34. Oh, okay.

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35. Okay, deal! I'll do whatever you say. No questions asked.

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36. I'll try and think of one. When...

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37. Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice?

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38. Saleswoman has a vagina.

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39. But I'm right?

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40. Hey. Do you remember the speeches that you gave?

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41. Could I have a copy of one of them?

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42. Yeah!

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43. That is so great about the bonus!

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44. Excuse me! May I have your attention please? There has been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.

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45. Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses.

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46. They are unrelated.

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47. He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.

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48. Yes.

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49. Good morning, Vietnam! Okay. You know what? This isn't working. Because um I'm not nervous in front of them. They're my subordinates.

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50. Uh, yes you are. I'm Assistant Regional Manager.

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51. Michael, can you explain?

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52. I can travel anywhere except Cuba. And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the 'Lord of the Rings' trail to Mordor. And then I will hike Mount Doom. So... no... just leave me alone.

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53. Oh please! You're not taking any trip.

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54. You did?

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55. Yes. I am.

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56. Which is?

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57. I'll glance at it.

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58. Thank you, Angela.

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59. No, I can't... I ca...

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60. Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day. how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime's struggle. A never-ending fight. I say to you and you'll understand that it is a privilege to fight!

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61. WE ARE WARRIORS!

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62. Salesman of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour!

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63. Yeah. Yes!

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64. No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself.

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65. Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty - to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland! For it is...

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66. Ok, thanks. There you are. What happened?

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67. It was amazing. I wish you would have been there.

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68. What? Something happened?

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69. Weird.

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70. Con artist.

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71. My future is so bright, Jim. Jim, do you know how bright my future is? It's so bright that... What? Do you know? Is there something I got to wear? Huh?

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72. [imitating '80s rock]

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73. And what a lot of people don't understand about sales is that it has so much to do with organization. I have a system in place for keeping track of who I speak to, when I speak to them and what we have discussed. Etcetera.

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74. Well, do you think I should describe our filing system?

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75. It is?

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76. What is?

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77. I don't follow.

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78. Oh, God!

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79. Well, that didn't go well.

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80. Stop it. Two sailors walk into a bar...

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81. Oh, why not?

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82. All right.

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83. Oh, no, I don't think this is it.

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84. Oh, yeah, I read about that. The entire cast of Battlestar Galactica is gonna be here, including Starbuck. I'm so in love with her.

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85. No, no, no. It's totally normal, 'cause she's not a Cylon or anything. She's just a great human fighter pilot. If I see her, my heart will explode.

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86. Mmm... hello tiny one.

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87. You are the future!

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88. There is no way that hurt.

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89. Little girl. Come over here. Shake my hand. Come on, I don't have all day. I don't feel anything. Nothing. You're so weak. Uh, excuse me, these are expensive collector's items, okay?

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90. No, I don't have computer games on my work computer. That would be innappropriate.

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91. You call your mom Meredith? That's very disrespectful.

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92. You can refer to me as Mister Schrute.

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93. Schrute. Mister Schrute.

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94. ... Schrute.

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95. That was Greensleeves. A traditional English Ballad about the beheaded Anne Boleyn. And now, a very special treat... a book my Grandmutter used to read me when I was a kid. This is a very special story, it's called Struwwelpeter, by Heinrich Hoffman from 1864. The great tall tailor always comes to little girls that suck their thumbs--- are you listening, Sasha? Right? And 'ere they dream when he's about, he takes his great sharp scissors out, and then cuts their thumbs clean off!

    Season 2 · Episode 18 · Line 7977

96. There's a photo...

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97. These are cautionary tales for kids, my Grandmata used to read these---

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98. Nazi was a fascist movement...

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99. ...from the 1930's...

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100. I was gonna teach the children how to make corn-husk dolls.

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