Michael Scott Quotes from The Office | Page 101

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35129

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35131

Jo, I don't know how things work in Florida, which from your description sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp, but here it takes two men to do one job, where in Florida it might take one very strong woman to do such a job.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35159

Whoa, whoa!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35161

And sometimes I can hardly handle that!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35167

Forget the question...

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35171

I humbly accept the management position.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35173

Because, well, Jim. Where I'm from, two types of folk: those who ain't, and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. Which type ain't you ain't? Ya'll come back now.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35175

Yes.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35177

No, we know. Texas!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35202

I could manage my way around that.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35204

I will try to manage my excitement!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35206

I have been saying the word 'manager' a lot, so whenever Jo thinks 'manager' she thinks of me. Camel cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel by making him look like a penis. I can't even go near a cigarette now without thinking of a penis. And vise-versa.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35207

Sure. You here to tell me that you think I would be a better manager and that you are sorry for being such a jerk?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35216

What?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35218

What? Really?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35220

Wow!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35222

La la la, hello Oscar!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35223

What are you reading?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35225

Oh, that is my favorite ocean! I love it! I am so happy right now. No! I can't keep it a secret any longer. Jim is stepping down to salesman, I am going to be the sole manager once again.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35227

Why, is there an untapped gay market?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35229

...Where did you get that information.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35231

Manuel who?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35233

Well, according to the manual, there is no cap on commissions. I have been hustled.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35234

Son of a bitch. Pardon me.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35235

Okay.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35237

Really? Aw, that is so sweet of you! But, I cannot accept, because I have been thinking about it, and I think I wanna go back to sales.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35239

Yeah. You can take the man out of the salesman, but you can't take the sales out of salesman.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35242

No, I think I would be bad. I would sleep in my office, and I would sexually harass people.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35245

I'm turning myself in right now!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35247

Thank you.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35249

Great! That's great. Congratulations. Have fun signing my commission checks, boss.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35251

How is that possible?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35277

No excuses Erin, come on! Make it happen.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35279

Oh, yeah. Fine, fine. Leave it here. I have to make some sales anyway. Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? Michael Scott, head of sales.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35281

It will be a pleasure doing business with you. Thanks, bye. I just got a new account for the gentleman's club in Carbondale. It is called 'Curves.' I went by there the other day, saw some of the women walking in. Not really my cup of tea. Actually, Kevin, you might like it!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35302

Why not? It's part of the sales experience.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35305

Well, okay...

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35307

What is that smell? Do you smell that? What is that? Like a sulfur deposit under here?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35326

No, I'm serious, we don't have to put up... Is it the dogs?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35328

You know what, we don't have to deal with this. I am going to Google sulfur maps.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35330

No, this is geological.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35332

Are you kidding me?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35334

And you guys are okay with this?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35336

Oh my God.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35340

Hey.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35350

You know, it's funny. I used to stand in here and wish I was out there. Now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35352

Yeah. Except there's no grass out there. It's just a farty dirt patch.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35354

I really need my job back. We made a terrible mistake here.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35356

We make a poster that says 'Happy Opposite Day!' and she sees it on the way out... Nah, that's stupid. Ugh! I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights from Men in Black.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35358

Lethal Weapon?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35360

What? What I'm saying...

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35363

And weirdly I'm a good dog person, right guys? See? They love me.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35365

Alright!

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35368

Oh, it smells good in here.

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35381

Erin, what about my keyboard? Aw, so good to be home. How about a little Bosa Nova?

Season 6 · Episode 15 · Line 35383

Oh, oh, oh! Contraption! She's contrapting! Okay, you know what? I think I should drive you guys to the hospital, and here is why. I am a licensed, classy driver in the state of Pennsylvania. I gassed up the car...

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35418

Actually, I put diesel in this time, trying to save some money.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35420

Happy to do it. Also, I did a heck of a job baby-proofing this office.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35422

Well, the baby was conceived here, so might as well live here a little bit, too.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35424

Oh, yuck! TMI! How was it? I don't want to know. Tell me later. Let's go! Let's go! Hospital!

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35426

Shut up, Nick. What a weird thing to say. Weird I.T. nerd. Don't get revenge on me, nerd.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35432

No, no, no, no, no. You know what? You can't tell us what to do because you are not co-manager anymore.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35459

Distractions are good! That means conference room, five minutes! No, no, five seconds! Right now, right now! Conference room! Topic, potpourri! Let's go!

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35462

Um, I am sort of a master of distraction. When I was a kid, my mom received compliments left and right from my teachers on how I was always able to distract others in class. Try to think, what were the first thirteen colonies? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35463

The purpose for this meeting is to take Pam's mind off of what's going on inside of her body.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35464

I will allow that.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35466

Okay.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35471

Does anybody have anything? Anything interesting, any hobbies, uh, special skills?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35474

Yes, Phyl?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35476

Nope, nope, I don't think anybody wants to see that.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35478

That sounds good! Do you need some music, or...? Okay.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35480

Where are we? We have every six minutes, ladies and gentlemen. Another seventy five contractions and you are going to be there.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35493

Yeah, happy times. Come on. Let's have happy times.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35497

Jim, as a matter of fact, I have printed out ten ways to induce labor. And I'm thinking we just do the opposite of those things and we can slow down your labor. Erin, read the first one.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35499

Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples. Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35501

Okay, yeah, why don't you go get it?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35504

Okay, the opposite of that?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35506

Ooh, someone's freakin'.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35517

I think he is.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35519

Pam, Pam! Okay, alright, okay, it's time. Time to go to the hospital. Somebody get Jim, please! Is it midnight yet?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35555

4:35. Alright, almost made it. Almost made it. Too bad you didn't have sex like seven and a half hours later. But you had to have the afternoon delight. I understand. Sometimes you have to go for it. Let's go to the hospital, shall we?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35557

We can do...

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35559

Oh. What? You want to eat cat food with Kevin and not go to the hospital?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35561

What is October feast?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35563

Okay, okay, Jim. I think this feast is over and it's time to go to the hospital.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35567

That's right, let's do this.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35569

Let's go, Pam. Yeah, I think we should head out.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35577

Are you kidding?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35584

You can do this. You can do this.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35586

I'm scared, too.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35588

Yeah.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35591

We're going to have a baby.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35593

Let's do that.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35595

Two minutes apart.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35597

It's okay.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35601

I know, I know, I know. It went by too soon.

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35604

We're okay, Jim! Okay, Pamela. You know what time it is?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35606

You're not going to. You know where you're going?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35608

Yes, you are. And you know what you're going to have?

Season 6 · Episode 16 · Line 35610

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 101)