Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 104)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 104 of 122

1. That's my wife you're talking about, man.

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2. If I wanted to hit you, I would have hit you.

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3. No no. You just made an enemy with the wrong guy, Dwight. No, time out, time out. Time in!

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4. Don't even think about that

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5. Okay, Dwight. Here we go oh god.

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6. We're never going to find those leads, are we?

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7. This Why would somebody throw that out?

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8. Yeah, she does - she loves purple. Does it stink?

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9. Know what would be a great picture here? Just this whole dump, and in the middle, one flower. That's it. And the caption would read:

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10. In the dump.

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11. No! Better!

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12. How many is that?

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13. Count the last one.

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14. Oh, new record!

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15. Oh, what did you do today?

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16. Oh, yeah, sitting on your big fat butt. Alright, that is the number to beat.

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17. My respect. Okay, I'll make it a little more interesting. Anyone who does more than 25 push-ups -

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18. Gets to go home. Ooh! I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?' Here we go. Oh, no. No, no, no. Butt to high. Disqualified!

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19. What do we got? Creed, disqualified.

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20. Oh, wow, that is adorable!

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21. Yeah, I'm betting one more.

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22. Good.

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23. Alright, alright.

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24. Well, it's not exactly fair. He's got all of his weight that's helping him go down.

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25. Yes?

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26. Ladies and gentleman, it is quitting time.

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27. Ok, yes. Sure.

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28. No, I got that.

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29. I am in.

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30. It's a deal.

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31. Oh, wow, I cannot believe this is happening. This is everything I dreamed. Oh, my God!

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32. It's not a birthday, it's not a good-bye party...

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33. Sucks to be you.

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34. That would be sublime.

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35. Yes.

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36. Hello, how are you?

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37. What is a nice girl like you hanging out with these bums for?

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38. Oh, no, no. Pam and Jim work for me. And if they win, they are fired.

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39. No. No, not really. Not really, but they better not win.

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40. So, what do you do?

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41. Really?

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42. See, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now?

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43. Yes. I feel like an idiot. Awesome.

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44. About what?

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45. She's nice.

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46. Yeah.

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47. Uh, yeah, sure.

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48. About what?

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49. Well, apparently, Michael Scott is on a date. And that, that my friend, changes everything.

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50. Guys, come on, I'm on a date. Let me do my thang.

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51. Hi, I'm date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?

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52. Hey, guys, guys, guys. Watch this. Ready?

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53. I'm tying a knot in the stem with my tongue.

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54. Wow. Oh, wow, that was close.

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55. I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.

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56. Hello.

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57. Hi.

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58. Yeah, why don't you send the bill to 23 I Don't Care Lane, Scranton, Pennsylvania?

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59. Hey, she can tell I'm on a date, right? Right? I'm just having fun.

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60. Really? You told on me. That's lame.

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61. Yes. Homelessness. What?

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62. Where?

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63. Okay, all right. Okay, whoa. I'm just kidding around. I'm sorry.

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64. She can't talk to us that way.

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65. You let somebody talk to you like that, where does it stop?

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66. Well, I am starting it again!

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67. Hey, you embarrassed my friends in front of me and I'm gonna need you to go back over to the table and apologize.

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68. I am here with my employees. I am here on a date. Hello.

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69. Well, it just so happens that I am a manager too. And the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts and souls with humor, with love and maybe a dash of razzle-dazzle. And I don't see that from you.

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70. Yes it is. I am writing a book about it.

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71. I've written all of it... in my head.

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72. If you're really interested, it's called 'Somehow I Manage' and there's going to be a picture of me on the cover, shrugging, with my sleeves rolled up.

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73. Read it? I own it. But no, I have not read it.

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74. I own a Chrysler.

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75. No, you shut up.

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76. Grenadine.

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77. I manage a paper company-Dunder Mifflin/Sabre.

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78. I did. I actually put it in your bowl.

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79. No, no.

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80. No, it's Michael Scott.

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81. He is I.

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82. Oh, hey guys.

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83. Hey, Julie! You having fun?

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84. Halperts, wait up. Oh, what a great night. Got to hang out with my peeps. Sort of did okay with a new young lady.

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85. I think I did. But I can't take all of the credit. Some of the credit is due, in fact, to my good friend, Date Mike. Nice to meet me.

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86. I'm going to give Erin $15.

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87. A one-on-one lunch with Erin?

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88. She's kind of a rube.

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89. Okay. All right. All right. Okay. I'll take her to lunch.

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90. Hi, Erin. Happy Secretary's Day.

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91. I wanted to know what your plans for lunch were because I was hoping to ask you to...lunch.

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92. Ugh.

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93. Well, Hayworth's is more business casual, and they always screw up your order. So I'm...

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94. Okay, well, we'll figure something.

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95. Okay, let's go to Hayworth's.

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96. All right.

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97. Would you mind if I listen to my book on tape? I'm kind of a bookworm. This is the novelization of the movie Precious based on the book Push by Sapphire.

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98. I don't know.

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99. Ahhh.

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100. Right.

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