Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 103)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 103 of 122

1. How do I put this delicately? Does her family owe your family something, in terms of a past injustice?

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2. Okay. All right.

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3. Hey there. So I think I'm done. Gonna head out. Unless you want to chat. Like we were doing earlier.

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4. Mm? Well, the clock says chatting time, so.

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5. Right. What?

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6. Mm. mm. Oh well.

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7. No, no, no. That's super-clear-ish. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

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8. Hey Pack-man.

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9. How you doing stud? You already there?

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10. How's the lady situation?

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11. Ah damn. That sounds great. Unfortunately I am stuck here, because my boss is making us work late.

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12. Yeah. Maybe next year.

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13. How late do we have to work tonight?

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14. Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just tell you what your schedule is?

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15. Do I really want to turn out like Gabe? Twenty-six. Single. Tied to my desk. No life, no family. I want to have been married by the time I would've turned thirty. That's just - that's just depressing.

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16. Hello Jo.

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17. There is, as a matter of fact. It's getting sorta late. It's 8:30. And it's St. Patrick's Day, which is a world ethnic holiday. So I have decided I'm going to dismiss my employees.

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18. I'm thrilled with the work they've done today, both quality and the quantity. Great performance, Very, very solid all the way around.

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19. Okay. Happy St. Patrick's Day. And also, I would like to say that I will be canceling my trip down to Tallahassee. Although I do look forward to our professional relationship.

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20. Yes.

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21. Excuse me, excuse me. Hey guys!

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22. Drinks are on me!

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23. Oh -hoh! All right.

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24. Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre? I don't know. There is a chance. Yes. I tell you I love my job. But Jo wants me to put on a show for her, and pretend to work late? Nah. I spent all day, trying to make her like me, and I forgot to ask myself something: Do I even like her? As the Irish poet Bobby McFerrin says, 'Don't worry, be happy.'

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25. Okay. Okay, all right. Best night ever. What the hell is going on back there?

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26. Hey Jim, Jim. Come here. Do you know who that is?

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27. Look at him. Look at him - t-shirt, jeans...

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28. I am flattered. That's Johnny Depp.

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29. In my condo complex.

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30. I am flipping out, man. I mean, you remember my idea for the fourth Pirates movie.

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31. Hey, Jim, Jim - where, where do I find the Black Pearl?

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32. Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow, Jim.

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33. No. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

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34. Okay, okay. Screw you, Halpert. You know, it's not easy getting excited about stuff. Remember how you felt when you thought you'd seen Roger Clemens?

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35. Yeah. Well, it wasn't him.

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36. I know, I know.

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37. I know! It also explains why the name on his mailbox was M Shulman.

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38. First up, the lost and found has gone missing. It itself is lost, so please, try not to lose anything until we find it. Ah, pet day. If you don't have a pet, please don't feel like -

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39. Ah, yes, the leads. The leads that Sabre has spent $50,000 to get from a market research company... are not here yet. But will be.. No, no, meeting's not over.

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40. No sales topic per se.

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41. Dwight?

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42. I would like your undivided attention, please.

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43. Over the last few weeks, things have been changing here. Sabre says it is our duty to support the sales team and the salesmen are letting it go to their heads. I think it's kind of screwed up, because the way this place used to work was: make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order.

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44. Yeah.

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45. M-hmm.

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46. Is that all you have to say to me?

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47. Wow, wowie wowie. Congratulations. It's a big cheque.

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48. Stop sexting Pam. I'm trying to congratulate you.

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49. You writing your memoirs over there?

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50. Well, it's a pretty big check.

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51. Okay. Don't gloat. Here's the thing. This kind of money can corrupt people.

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52. I'm just saying, that -

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53. Honey and jelly sandwich time.

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54. Oh, you got to be kidding me. Look at that. That's -

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55. You saw who did this and you didn't stop them?

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56. The sales department smashed my sandwich.

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57. You don't get it.

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58. That's what she said.

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59. Yeah.

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60. Thank you very much.

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61. Ah, just the stupid leads.

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62. Alright. Then I guess I should give them out. Hold on. You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking that I have something that you want. You guys are acting like you own this place. And you don't. Not even Sabre owns this place. It's a rental. I'm kind of sick of the attitude around here. I'm sick of the cocky walk, I am sick of you throwing your paycheck in my face, I am sick of your uppity attitude, Jim... I think I am not going to give these to you.

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63. Then we are just rewarding their bad behaviour. Okay. Just - imagine that instead of going to jail for murdering someone, you got an ice-cream cone. If that were the case, then in the summertime, everyone would go around killing people for the pleasure of an ice-cream cone.

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64. They act like I have no power.

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65. Thank you.

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66. Hmm. Well, if that is what I am required to do, I will do exactly that.

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67. Exactly that.

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68. Exactly that.

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69. Hello. May I have everyone's attention, please? Gabe has instructed me to hand out the leads, so I'm going to give the leads to... King Creed!

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70. - and to King Meredith!

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71. And to King Angela! Because today we are all kings. And queens.

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72. I'm giving them the leads, Phyllis.

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73. Hey.

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74. Mm-hmm.

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75. Okay.

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76. Alright.

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77. Oh, right, those are clues. And within each clue is a lesson. You learn a lesson, and then you find a lead. The leads are scattered all over the industrial park. I am trying to make your kids respect you. Because a father needs to respect his boss, and kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic?

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78. I do understand it.

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79. Or is it?

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80. Today I turned an office crisis into a teachable moment. A lesser manager would have screwed this day up royally Some yokel sitting behind his desk saying take a lead, learn nothing Some people shouldn't be in this business.

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81. Well, bigshot, 'If you want to find your leads, go to the man who never breathes'.

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82. Wait. What day is today?

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83. Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god, no, no no, hey, hey wait, wait!

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84. Okay. You know what, let's just go to the dump, start looking - Ryan, c'mon, shotgun in my car -

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85. Why? Because I am not going to call Sabre and say, 'Hi, you know those very valuable expensive leads that you gave us earlier today? Well, because of a screw-up by a staff member, they're now in the city dump.'

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86. Well, that's not the way it's going t sound. Here's what we're going to do. We'll go to the dump, we'll look around, then we'll all go out and get pizza, maybe catch a movie, late-night drink, some more pizza, call it a night. What do you -

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87. Really?

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88. Okay, no, you encouraged it. You were complicit Complicit. You were all successories!

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89. You can.

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90. Okay fine, I get it. I'll just go by myself.

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91. You know, Dwight, there was a time when you'd be pinching yourself to have the opportunity to look through a dump with me.

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92. Yeah. Sometimes the acorn just stays the acorn. If you don't believe me, look in my gutters.

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93. You've changed, man.

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94. Since when do you care about money? When I first met you, you were a wide-eyed innocent.

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95. No, I'm talking about your personality, Dwight.

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96. Assistant to the managed him -

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97. Yeah.

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98. You think you would have done better without me? Really?

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99. Wow. Ohhhkay. Man. When I think about all the time I wasted being your friend - I shouldn't have been hanging out watching karate movies with you -

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100. You know what, I should have been doing? I should have been out at bars, finding my soul-mate, finding my wife, making babies -

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