Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 60)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 60 of 76

1. What? No, no. Excuse me! Lady! Get anyone from the COO's office on the phone this instant!

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48884

2. So it's a very simple argument of why I should be put in charge of southeast printer sales. Nobody has sold more printers in the northeast than me. Bottom line, I know the product. I get it!

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48902

3. Oh my God.

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48904

4. Most of all, I believe that character is destiny. And my character is one that- wait why are you smiling?

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48906

5. What's with the smile?

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48908

6. And my character is one that will never give up until greatness is on the horizon, behind us.

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48910

7. Take me to Robert.

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48912

8. Take me to his house.

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48914

9. You know where it is. Lead me there.

   Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48916

10. Listen, you're a perfectly fine toilet. I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap. Let's go.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48918

11. Which one is it?

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48933

12. Robert! Robert California! Robert!

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48935

13. No thank you.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48970

14. Let me tell you why I should be the next manager with a riddle: A manager, a salesman, a leader and a warrior walk into a restaurant. The hostess says, 'table for one?' How is this possible?

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48972

15. Yes, exactly. Riddle number two: Who is going-

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48974

16. N... it's complicated.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48976

17. It's a job interview, not a flea market.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48978

18. Yes.

    Season 8 · Episode 11 · Line 48980

19. Oh, ugh. What is this, a meatball? Really?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49032

20. Jim, come on! That's so juvenile! What the-

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49034

21. Ugh.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49036

22. Aw, man. This is not very clever, Jim.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49038

23. Really Jim? Really? Very funny.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49041

24. Thirty-two meatballs.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49043

25. That idiot's been feeding us for a week.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49045

26. Big. Stupid. Pure chump bait.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49054

27. What-

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49129

28. I'm relaxing. Scram.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49131

29. Oh really?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49137

30. Yeah, you want to play you little hick?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49139

31. You regret attacking me now, hick? Huh?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49159

32. I'm not going to help you. Why would you choose me? Because I'm mighty? Because I'm the manliest man in the office? I'll do it.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49161

33. You stop.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49164

34. No, you stop.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49166

35. Okay, you can stop.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49168

36. No, you can stop.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49170

37. Ah, mmm. So good. Now take a chip, crush it into my face, really rub the grease around. Do it. Now rub it in. Oh, yeah, that's so good. Ah...

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49190

38. Damn it.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49192

39. We can get some chicken fights going in the pool.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49194

40. Chicken fight!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49199

41. Hey, Cathy. Chicken fight!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49202

42. Yeah- oh!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49205

43. Woohoo! Yes!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49207

44. I know. I could just bang you right now.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49209

45. Maybe we should take a little break.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49238

46. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49240

47. Go!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49245

48. Erin, did we win?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49254

49. You're lying. We didn't win.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49256

50. Ugh. Same old party, same old people. Am I right? Reminds me of Phyllis's birthday.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49261

51. I know. But boy, that Erin. She sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she? Rroww! And to think, I always thought of her as a second Meredith. Respectfully, I don't want us walking into a similar Angela kind of situation.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49263

52. So I just want to make sure that you are completely, one hundred percent done with Erin.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49265

53. Not what I asked.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49267

54. So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her, just go nuts, rrargh. With sex.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49269

55. You're an idiot.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49271

56. Uh huh.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49311

57. Yeah....baby.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49313

58. Hey, have you ever been checked for scoliosis?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49318

59. No, seriously. Your spine is jacked. It's like the devil's cursive.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49320

60. You'd be like 8 feet tall if this thing was straightened out...[pushes Erin back to floor]

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49322

61. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oooooh, yeah.

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49325

62. Yeah...

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49328

63. Ready?

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49330

64. RAHHH!!!!!!!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49335

65. Get her! Ruin her!

    Season 8 · Episode 12 · Line 49337

66. Can't believe they let someone like you serve on a jury. Makes me question the whole judicial system.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49365

67. Of course you found him not guilty. 'Oh, he apologized and I just really want him to like me, mm.'

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49371

68. Not coming, have plans.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49373

69. I was in Los Angeles last year. Jim tricked me into thinking I'd won a walk-on part on NCIS, but that's not important. While I was being kicked off the lot, I saw food trucks everywhere. Everyone in Los Angeles eats from them. And nobody calls them restaurants.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49408

70. So this whole hit and run thing, there's just one part I can't figure out. You said it was at a four-way stop...

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49424

71. And the victim rode his bicycle into the left hand turn lane but the perp was already in the left-hand turn lane?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49426

72. See, that's what I'm having trouble with, because the fact is, you never said he was on a bicycle. Busted, Halpert!

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49428

73. Yes! Andy, get out here.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49430

74. I am making a citizen's arrest. You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to beg for mercy. You have the right to request judgment by combat. Dwight's rights.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49432

75. Jim was lying about jury duty. He was lying the whole time so he could go do yoga or go canoeing. I don't know what this pervert likes. Fire him!

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49434

76. I have Jim on the record saying that the vic-

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49436

77. I don't- I don't need to take a chill pill.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49438

78. I really don't want to take the chill pill.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49440

79. Okay, okay. But let's just say that Jim was lying about jury duty. You would have to fire him, right?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49442

80. That's good enough for me.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49444

81. Okay, everybody, gather 'round. Got a real special surprise for you.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49457

82. Okay- oh, Jim. Hey, this guy look familiar?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49463

83. No, Toby! Damn it, Toby! No, I wasn't asking you. Ask him if he remembers Jim.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49467

84. He says, 'No!' Boom!

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49470

85. Okay, he remembers Toby, the most forgettable man in the known world.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49472

86. Great. And while we're enjoying these delicious empanadas, Jim, why don't you tell us your story again?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49476

87. Walk us through it. What time would you get there every morning?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49478

88. Wait, wait. You live by the courthouse. So you drove from near the courthouse, out to Jim's house, and then back to the courthouse?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49484

89. You're screwed! Oh, it's happening. It's really happening.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49510

90. Your clients. They're all mine.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49513

91. All right, well. Let's get this show on the road, shall we? Allow me to give you a hand. Here we are. So long, clump-mate. I'm going to miss you. Truth be told, I never thought that this was how it was going to end. I always thought that I was going to defeat you somehow. But you've defeated yourself.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49516

92. No, no, no. You said- you said that you were-

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49518

93. That's it? This is crap!

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49520

94. Gabe, it's Dwight again. Highest priority, triple-urgent. Call me. Immediately. That means ASAP.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49522

95. I'm gonna find Gabe, tell him what Jim did and let the little stickler do what he does best: stickle.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49523

96. Oh, hey. Have you seen Gabe?

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49540

97. Okay.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49542

98. Psh! Why? I know what Angela and the senator look like. I can mash that up in my head right now.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49544

99. So don't.

    Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49546

100. What?

     Season 8 · Episode 13 · Line 49548