Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 49)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 49 of 76

1. Michael, you have to see, this is like, the cutest thing ever.

   Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38183

2. Hey, IT guy.

   Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38216

3. Oh, sure thing, go ahead.

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4. Apache persuasion hold, that's the hell! What are you doing to my computer?

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5. You're with Big Brother? Okay, go ahead. I got nothing to hide.

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6. Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time, and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here... You should fire the following people.

   Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38230

7. Why would I disparage a company that has made me rich beyond my wildest dreams?

   Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38232

8. Are you referring to alchemy?

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9. I'm not dumb. I'm smart.

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10. Let me give you a hand.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38316

11. Ready? Got it? Oh shoot. Got it? Dwight Schrute.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38318

12. Basement office? You mean like a lair?

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13. Okay.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38337

14. Cancel it. I want you to make an offer at seventeen twenty-five Slough Avenue. Make 'em an offer they can't refuse. No, on second thought, low ball them. Don't call me 'til you have it.

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15. All right. Sounds good.

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16. Oh, just...

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38365

17. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey IT guy. Here's the story, champ. None of us have spent a lot of time getting to know you, okay? We liked the last guy, Siddiq, because he kept to himself, and we also thought he might have been a terrorist. You know what, I'm going to leave you with one other thought. Inner city kids use computers for two things, games and porn. So good luck wasting your life, lurch.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38383

18. I'm about to buy this building, you know.

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19. Well, I'm one-eighths proud of you... enjoy that chair for now... 'cause pretty soon, you will be on your feet, at Buckingham Palace.

    Season 6 · Episode 24 · Line 38394

20. Hiya! Ha!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38426

21. From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38446

22. Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions, OK? I'm too busy.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38448

23. Jim, you have one job to do. And you do it forgettably. Those of us who are busy require hands-free hydration.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38450

24. Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer, bed-and-breakfast proprietor, aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38451

25. The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.

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26. Where?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38469

27. Give me that.

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28. Yes.

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29. Hey, what's so funny over here? Ha. Very nice. Give me my keys. Ha. Ha. Not. Funny. Jim.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38476

30. Who's gonna tell on us? Gabe?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38502

31. How close?

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32. Yes. Of course.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38507

33. Hey, did you SMS text message me?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38577

34. Okay, that's weird. Just hitting 'door closed.' What?

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38579

35. Is this elevator going up? Hey, the elevator is disobeying us! Okay, okay. We are stuck. We are stuck. Hank, Hank! Can you hear us? Oh, my God. Okay. Emergency protocol.

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38581

36. Pam, try and pry open those front doors, immediately.

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37. Use your talons! Pry 'em open!

    Season 7 · Episode 1 · Line 38585

38. Well, don't look, freak!

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39. I've got 56 ounces of fluid in my bladder! And we have to establish a pee corner!

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40. How ya doin'?

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41. Wow. Late every day this week.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38654

42. Why didn't I think of this before? Did you know that there is a daycare center opening right here in this building?

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43. Now that I own the building, I'm looking for new sources of revenue. And a daycare center... Ha ha ha Well I guess it's not an evil idea. It's just a regular idea. But there is no good laugh for a regular idea.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38658

44. Welcome to the Sesame Avenue Daycare Center for infants and toddlers.

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45. You remember my cousin Mose.

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46. Oh no. I like to think of it as a kids place. Would you like a tour?

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47. Come on. Here is the language skills and cognitive development area. These are English... uh... letters. I see you found out magical toy box Jim.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38670

48. Jim! To you and me, maybe, but, come on! To a child's imagination that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife and... Ms. Fork.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38672

49. Oh! That shouldn't have been in there. I'm embarrassed.

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50. We come fully equipped with a restroom. Feeding trough, play bucket, and room for a plant, in success.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38676

51. No one. The door locks from the outside. Escape is impossible.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38678

52. What?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38680

53. Oh no, no, no.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38682

54. I promise you, that door locks!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38684

55. Boycott the Steamtown Mall! Everyone, you heard me! Cancel all of your business with the Steamtown Mall!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38692

56. All of it! The mall, the stores, the kiosks!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38694

57. Yeah, something happened. Oh yeah, something happened, Jim.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38697

58. You don't want to know.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38699

59. What?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38710

60. Yes I did. And I'm going to do the same with all of your clients.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38712

61. Oh yes I will! That mall is corrupt, ok! They're 'appearance'ists!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38714

62. You guys know me. You know that I'm not one for fancy things, but there was this one thing. It was in a fancy store. And it caught the corner of my eye when I took Mose down to the Mall to get his blood pressure at the Rite-Aid. And I thought, you know, maybe I deserve this. You know, I had a great crop yield this fall...

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38718

63. I went to the store and I pressed the buzzer, and they looked right at me, and then they looked away. And then I pressed the buzzer again, and they started taking pictures of me on their mobile phones. I guess I'm not the kind of guy that's good enough for precious heirlooms.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38720

64. Ok

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38729

65. Apparently there is a famous Hollywood movie from the 1980's, Beautiful Girl...

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38743

66. Apparently, it's one of the best revenge stories of all times, in which this sex worker, who is the antagonist... That can't be right. Andy? How does it...?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38745

67. Ok, Um... The sex worker is denied service at a fancy store because she does not look wealthy. She later returns dressed in all the 'trappings' of extravagant wealth, but instead of going...

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38747

68. Really?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38779

69. Wait. Less matching to appear more rich?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38781

70. I can't see.

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71. Wait, I see you every day. Can I say 'Good month?'

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38788

72. Copy. Thank you.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38792

73. Please.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38794

74. Thank you.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38814

75. What?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38829

76. Do you have your card?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38831

77. It is a pewter wizard holding a crystal.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38884

78. Because I'm here for one thing. Revenge.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38886

79. Excuse me sir.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38889

80. I was here yesterday, and you refused to wait on me.

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38891

81. You work on commission, don't you?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38893

82. Good Morning!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38900

83. What?

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38902

84. It was beet juice! I am a beet farmer idi...

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38904

85. Good sir. I happen to have been working a very long day. When I came to you fine establishment. You are such a... I'm gonna... Ok. Listen. You can't treat... Thank you! Good morning sir!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38906

86. You made a big mistake. Huge!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38908

87. Aaah!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38910

88. I'll take the wizard!

    Season 7 · Episode 2 · Line 38913

89. Uh, no, thank you. Last time I went to the theater, a man dressed as a cat sat on my lap.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38951

90. Please, waste of time. You know what? Let's just knock this out right now. Disrobe.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38961

91. Angela? Don't like her anymore. Not attracted to her anymore. Just contractually obligated to make a baby with her.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38962

92. Give me the punch card.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38963

93. That is not in the contract.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38965

94. Alright, fine. I'll go to your little show, but I'm not wearing a cape.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 38967

95. I work with that guy.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39004

96. Too bad I'm not gonna explain anything that you miss.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39006

97. His name's Andy. He's a terrible salesman.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39008

98. Why are you dressed like a seed catalogue model?

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39025

99. Let's go.

    Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39027

100. All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.

     Season 7 · Episode 3 · Line 39073