Dwight Schrute Quotes from The Office (page 45)

Assistant to the Regional Manager, beet farmer, volunteer sheriff's deputy.

7,537 quotes · page 45 of 76

1. No.

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2. What?

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3. Oh, you're kidding me!

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4. Damn it!

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5. Apparently.

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6. Not now, Temp.

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7. What? Diabolical plan? I wouldn't even know how to begin a diabol...

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8. So what do you want?

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9. Attention everyone! Jim and I, on behalf of--

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10. --the party planning committee...

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11. But effective, look! On behalf of Jim and I, Merry Christmas.

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12. Merry Christmas. Good.

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13. My diabolical plot is on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts with the sound of children singing. Hmmph! Not really! I'm just tired. The days are short. I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.

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14. It is time to unveil the tree.

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15. It is warm feelings.

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16. Thirty! Twenty-nine! Twenty-eight!

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17. Twenty- seven! Twenty-six! ...

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18. Exactly.

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19. Everyone.

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20. Yes, we are unveiling, an artificial tree, that will never die...

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21. Like the spirit of Christmas!

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22. This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work! Merry Christmas!

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23. Hey Santa!

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24. For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea, for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it, to find himself... in jail!

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25. Excuse me. Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun, I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger.

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26. What else does it look like?

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27. Well I don't have all the pieces yet.

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28. Not a gun.

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29. We don't have a North Pole branch. Idiot.

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30. Yes!

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31. What's your pin number?

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32. Where? Holiday Inn? I don't ...

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33. You are kidding me!

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34. When? When did he tell you? Today?

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35. Awww!

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36. Aaaarrhh!

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37. Hey David.

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38. Yeah!

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39. I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone.

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40. It's true. We all walk alone.

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41. My shadow's the only one that walks beside me. My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating...

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42. I have no idea.

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43. Michael? Please! Come on!

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44. Oh man! I can use this for so many nuts! Macadamias, Brazil nuts, pecans, almonds. Clams, snails...

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45. It's real slippery out here.

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46. Oh, we will. Have a seat.

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47. He has more character in a single flake of his dandruff then you have in that entire snow bank on your shoulder. Wait, what was the question?

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48. Ignore him. He's the local lunatic.

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49. Dwight? Who is this Dwight? Oh! You mean Dwight Schrute, the company's top salesman and the creator of Computron. I wear many hats but the one I'm currently wearing is that of gracious host. Welcome.

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50. Thank you, so much.

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51. Hope to see you soon.

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52. Yo, Mike, our town is dope and pretty.

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53. What?

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54. What?

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55. But check that it's covered by your

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56. But the little cars go in the compact spot!

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57. Don't lose your head.

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58. What?

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59. What?

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60. What?

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61. What?

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62. What?

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63. Here we go. Oh! Wow.

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64. Impulsivity and inattention to detail.

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65. Terrible mistake.

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66. Undistributable.

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67. Impossible. He opened it like an ape.

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68. Welcome. Scranton hot dog from Scranton?

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69. So excited.

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70. Oh. Of course.

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71. They're 2 ounce paper cups dipped in plastic. He goes through 20 a day.

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72. I'm not seeing anything under 'confirmation.'

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73. Could it be under 'affirmation?' Cause you have thousands of those.

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74. Youdidget the e-vite to my barbeque!

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75. Michael...

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76. Wait, I got it! Confirmation code: XV2RDM!

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77. Thank you.

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78. Hello.

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79. I am treating you the same as a man, for whom I would also not stand. Unless it was the President. Or Judge Judy.

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80. I, uh...

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81. Bobcat, this is Dragon. Listen. He's been promoted to sole manager. We've got to step this up. Meet me behind the dumpster in ninety seconds. 89... 88...

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82. You're twenty minutes late!

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83. Just admit you lost track of time.

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84. Ryan and I have been meeting up to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. Ryan is always late for our meetings. I wish I had a lair.

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85. Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time.

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86. Oh, yeah. Great film. Almost as fun as going on a seesaw.

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87. I like where you're going with this. Continue.

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88. I have an old barn!

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89. It's kinda smelly, but that might be a plus! And then what?

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90. Okay, that's your idea? Exactly like in the movie!? That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life!

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91. He's supposed to cut his leg off? Think!

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92. Think!

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93. The new IT guy. Nick.

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94. I think he is the key. He's very trusting, he's looking for friends, he has been given an awesome amount of power, and does not know how to wield it.

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95. Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, okay dumb jock?

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96. Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum.

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97. I might start a diabolical plot against him after this one.

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98. You know, we really don't announce out loud our sales that much.

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99. It's not really 1992 anymore.

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100. Ho-ho. There he is, the IT guy. So you discovered the break room.

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