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Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 3)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 3 of 122

  1. It's good. This is good. We got it happening now. All right? Let's keep it rolling. Let's round it up.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Line 567

  2. Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 568

  3. Let's go. Messages. Stat. Lots to do, lots to do. Information superhighway.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 570

  4. Lay them on me. What?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 572

  5. That's not what you said earlier.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 574

  6. The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today, I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um... Yes, in a way. Yeah, like a specialist.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 576

  7. I am going to go with the best, Jan. I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage, you know, the works.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 578

  8. I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the Gold Plan.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 580

  9. Well, I'd recommend it. It's very good.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 582

  10. You gotta crack these things open.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 584

  11. Well, that is kind of a tough assignment. Um... It won't be popular decision around the old orifice.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 586

  12. Well, it's a suicide mission, you know.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 588

  13. There, there...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 590

  14. When have you ever done that?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 592

  15. Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 600

  16. There's a decision that needs to be made, and I'm having an unbelievably a busy day. So I'm going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 601

  17. Yeah!

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 603

  18. Really?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 605

  19. Ah, none. You're picking a health care plan.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 611

  20. You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 613

  21. Nope, you cannot use it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 615

  22. Temporary workspace. You can use it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 617

  23. If Dwight fails, then that is strike two, and good for me for, ah, for giving him a second chance. And if he succeeds, then, you know, no one will be prouder than I am. I groomed him. I made him what he is today. Unless he fails, and we've talked about that already.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 619

  24. Pam, Michael Scott. How's tricks?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 624

  25. Oh, I am in my office. I am swamped. I have work up to my ears I'm busy, busy, busy. Can't step away. I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. Everybody cool out there?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 626

  26. Pam! Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I, I, I, I gotta go. I'm getting a call.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 628

  27. I have to make a call after I finish... my work. You know what? Uh, just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today. I'm just too busy. Too swamped, you know? I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 630

  28. Thank you, Oh, gah, here we go again. Gotta go, I have to take this.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 632

  29. Ah, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 659

  30. Ah, what? Which memo?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 661

  31. Is it a good plan?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 663

  32. Cuts? What? Wow, Dwight, did you make cuts?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 667

  33. No, no , no, you know what? I said nothing specific because I was so busy. Why don't you go in there and find these people a plan that will work for them? OK?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 669

  34. OK? All right. Do we feel good? All right. Good. Plus, there's some other good news. Today, at the end of the day, I will have, for all of you, a big surprise. OK? So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day. Right?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 671

  35. Do I know what the surprise is? Hell no! It doesn't matter. The point is, they're not unhappy anymore. They're out there thinking, 'Wow, my boss really cares about me. He has a surprise. He's cool. I... what a great guy. I love him. I...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 678

  36. You know what? Come with me. We are going on a little mission. Operation Surprise.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 683

  37. Um, headed out. Part of my busy day, you know. Meetings. Couldn't find the knob.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 685

  38. So, basically, I want to do something nice for my employees. Atlantic City, OK? They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. Picks everybody up, you head down there, get to the hotel, room is comped, they give you a pile of chips, and your food, everything just kind of all-inclusive, free kind of weekend.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 686

  39. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 688

  40. Calling you to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 696

  41. Its says here that it's a 300ft drop.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 698

  42. So it's not a free fall?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 700

  43. Uh, all right. Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 702

  44. OK, so I don't know what the surprise is. Am I worried? No. No way. See, I thrive on this. This is my world. This is improv. This is Whose Line is it Anyway?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 703

  45. Hey, hey, everybody, Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh! Here you go. Take one, take one. It's all good. Phyllis, think fast. Ya-bome! Oh, oh, I see Angela. Angela? Right? Waaaaah! Oh, hey temp. Why don't you take two? Because you don't get health care. And uh, faster metabolism.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 773

  46. Why don't you just eat it, OK? And here you go, Stanley the manly.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 775

  47. There you go.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 777

  48. Uh, nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising, um... because you didn't expect it. But you will... you'll know it when you see it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 779

  49. Oh, Christ.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 781

  50. Well, what? You could be referring to anything.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 798

  51. Uh, Dwight? Did you raise benefits?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 801

  52. Oh come on! That's horrible! Aaah... Thanks, Dwight, for a crappy plan. Ah, Damn! Oh, mmm, I wish I had time to change it, but Jan needs it by five, and... what time is it, what time is it? Ah, it's after five. Oh, oh it's awful. So, well, OK. See you guys on Monday.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 803

  53. Oh... Yes. Exactly. Thank you Angela, for reminding me. Terrific. Um, before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, would you like to tell me what you think the big surprise is?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 805

  54. All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise. And... here it is. Here we go. And the big surprise is... Brrrrrrrr! Drum roll... Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrr!

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 807

  55. When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive. See I learned improve from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 808

  56. God, yeah... Ah! This...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 809

  57. Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. 'Hi. I'm Mork from Ork.' Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 810

  58. Sorry, too busy can't even come to the door.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 820

  59. Yeah, no...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 822

  60. You know what. I, um, I'm out the door. I'm going to a meeting. Pam, I'm headed out to another meeting. So see you later. Uh, here we go.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 824

  61. Well, it is time to call in a little favor. A buddy of mine runs this tourist attraction, actually it's big. It's probably one of the most popular in the state. So...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 846

  62. Hey, hey Craigers, my man! It is Michael Scott here. Dunder Mifflin, we supply your office paper.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 848

  63. No, no, no, no. No, actually to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, here's the deal. Um, trying to give the troops here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could bring them down to go on your big ride.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 850

  64. Well, it says here that it's a 300ft drop.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 852

  65. So it's not a free fall?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 854

  66. Uh, okay. So um, once you get down into the mine, what do you do? Is it like, uh... Do you have laser tag down there or something?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 856

  67. That's it?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 858

  68. Uh, he's a small client. They don't really buy much.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 860

  69. I've really learned from the greats. The great improvisers, Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles, uh, the Brady guy not so much. He's more the signing, Wayne Brady. Um, Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. 'Hi. I'm Mork from Ork.' Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo. 'That's Good morning, Vietnam!' Well, hello to you. You know it would be... God. And you know what, sometimes when I'm watching somebody like um, like Jay Leno. He'll be half way through his step And I will already be laughing at the punch line. He hasn't even gotten to it. He doesn't even know what it is it. So it's fun, you know it's fun having a mind that works like that. That is just a few steps ahead of... comedically ahead of like what's going on. Like I'll watch T.V. and I'll be watching a show and I will think, oh, I know someone's gonna walk in here right now and say something funny. And then they do. Or, um, I know they'll be like oh boy that person deserved to be slammed down. There's going to be some sort of insult. And there is. You know, there's like, 'Oh you're... God your butt is fat.' And I knew it. I know it's like I knew they were going to say that. I knew they were gonna go there. Don't go there. Um, but other... You know it's like uh, you know Leno, um and Letterman, Carson, you know. Need I say more? No.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 889

  70. We're all going bowling!

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Line 891

  71. Oh! God. Dwight, come on...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 893

  72. There's no downsizing.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 895

  73. Assistant to the regional manager Dwight.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 897

  74. Look, look, look. I talked to corporate, about protecting the sales staff. And they said they couldn't guarantee it if there's downsizing, okay?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 899

  75. But there's no downsizing, so just don't...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 900

  76. Mmm, mm, mm. Maybe.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 902

  77. It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blah! I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, 'You're fired.' 'You're foir-ed. Uh, you're foir-ed.' It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. 'You're foir-ed.' I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, 'You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want.' But that's unrealistic, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 903

  78. Get set for Operation Morale Improvement starring Michael Scott. Now, I think I have had a little stroke of genius in that I have had my assistant Pam... Smile, Pam. I have had her go out and find out whose birthday is coming up, so we can have a little celebration for it. Not bad, not bad at all. All right. And the birthday person is... drum roll please. Here we go, who is the birthday, birthday person?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 907

  79. Who is it? Who's the birthday?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 908

  80. Next person on the...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 910

  81. ...calendar.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 912

  82. Yes! All right, come on down Meredith!

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 914

  83. Um... uh, OK. Well, great, well, you know, it'll be a surprise.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 916

  84. Yeah, why not? Sure. Go ahead, live a little. Come on, Pam. Come on, shake it up. Shake it up! Shake it up!

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 918

  85. Brrrp! Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? Well, let me check Captain. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. No, Captain. No signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. Brr-rrrp. Star Trek.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 919

  86. These are my party-planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook!

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 930

  87. So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake, um, maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. Those are very good. Very Delicious.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 931

  88. She's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not, uh, it's not just about her, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 933

  89. Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 935

  90. Can you get her? She's right there. That is Meredith, the birthday girl. And this... is Meredith's card. Happy Bird-Day. Um, let's see. Jim, Jim wrote, 'Meredith, I heard you're turning 46, but, come on, you're an accountant. Just fudge the numbers.' Not bad, pretty funny, I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though. Uh, here's the thing. Whatever I write here has to be really, really funny. Because people out there are expecting it. I've already set the bar really high. And they're all worried about their jobs, you know. It's kinda dark out there. Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, 'Oh, Meredith. Happy Birthday. You're great. Love, Michael.'

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 962

  91. Meredith, Meredith... Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 987

  92. Hey, Oscar! Come on in. What's up?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 988

  93. Oh, not at all. Come on in. What's going on?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 990

  94. What?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 992

  95. Oh, God. Of course I would. Get it over here. Get that over here.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 994

  96. No, I'm always good... for some serious buckage. Wow. Two dollars, three dollars? People out here do not care about diseases. I am going to give you... $25.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 996

  97. Oh, my gosh, well... Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 998

  98. Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1008

  99. Yeah. What do you know about Meredith?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1010

  100. There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Line 1012