thedundies.com

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 3)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 3 of 122

  1. It's good. This is good. We got it happening now. All right? Let's keep it rolling. Let's round it up.

    Season 1 · Episode 2 · Quote 567

  2. Pam. Pamela. Pam-elama-ding-dong. Making copies.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 568

  3. Let's go. Messages. Stat. Lots to do, lots to do. Information superhighway.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 570

  4. Lay them on me. What?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 572

  5. That's not what you said earlier.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 574

  6. The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money. I heal them. Today, I am in charge of picking a great new health care plan. Right? That's what this is all about. Does that make me their doctor? Um... Yes, in a way. Yeah, like a specialist.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 576

  7. I am going to go with the best, Jan. I am going to go with the one with the acupuncture, therapeutic massage, you know, the works.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 578

  8. I think it was you who didn't look closely enough at the Gold Plan.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 580

  9. Well, I'd recommend it. It's very good.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 582

  10. You gotta crack these things open.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 584

  11. Well, that is kind of a tough assignment. Um... It won't be popular decision around the old orifice.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 586

  12. Well, it's a suicide mission, you know.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 588

  13. There, there...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 590

  14. When have you ever done that?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 592

  15. Jimbo! Ha haaaaa. Ah.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 600

  16. There's a decision that needs to be made, and I'm having an unbelievably a busy day. So I'm going to let you pick a health care plan for our office and then explain it to your co-workers.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 601

  17. Yeah!

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 603

  18. Really?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 605

  19. Ah, none. You're picking a health care plan.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 611

  20. You can use the conference room as a temporary workspace.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 613

  21. Nope, you cannot use it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 615

  22. Temporary workspace. You can use it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 617

  23. If Dwight fails, then that is strike two, and good for me for, ah, for giving him a second chance. And if he succeeds, then, you know, no one will be prouder than I am. I groomed him. I made him what he is today. Unless he fails, and we've talked about that already.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 619

  24. Pam, Michael Scott. How's tricks?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 624

  25. Oh, I am in my office. I am swamped. I have work up to my ears I'm busy, busy, busy. Can't step away. I just wanted to check in and see how everybody's doing. Everybody cool out there?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 626

  26. Pam! Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I, I, I, I gotta go. I'm getting a call.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 628

  27. I have to make a call after I finish... my work. You know what? Uh, just don't let anybody in my office under any conditions today. I'm just too busy. Too swamped, you know? I am unreachable. I am incommunicado, capisce?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 630

  28. Thank you, Oh, gah, here we go again. Gotta go, I have to take this.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 632

  29. Ah, uh, I would love to, but I am really busy. Rain check?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 659

  30. Ah, what? Which memo?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 661

  31. Is it a good plan?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 663

  32. Cuts? What? Wow, Dwight, did you make cuts?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 667

  33. No, no , no, you know what? I said nothing specific because I was so busy. Why don't you go in there and find these people a plan that will work for them? OK?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 669

  34. OK? All right. Do we feel good? All right. Good. Plus, there's some other good news. Today, at the end of the day, I will have, for all of you, a big surprise. OK? So hang in there, and I will see you at the end of the day. Right?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 671

  35. Do I know what the surprise is? Hell no! It doesn't matter. The point is, they're not unhappy anymore. They're out there thinking, 'Wow, my boss really cares about me. He has a surprise. He's cool. I... what a great guy. I love him. I...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 678

  36. You know what? Come with me. We are going on a little mission. Operation Surprise.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 683

  37. Um, headed out. Part of my busy day, you know. Meetings. Couldn't find the knob.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 685

  38. So, basically, I want to do something nice for my employees. Atlantic City, OK? They have this thing where they send a bus, right, for free. Picks everybody up, you head down there, get to the hotel, room is comped, they give you a pile of chips, and your food, everything just kind of all-inclusive, free kind of weekend.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 686

  39. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 688

  40. Calling you to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, trying to give the troops around here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could take them down to take a spin on your big ride.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 696

  41. Its says here that it's a 300ft drop.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 698

  42. So it's not a free fall?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 700

  43. Uh, all right. Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 702

  44. OK, so I don't know what the surprise is. Am I worried? No. No way. See, I thrive on this. This is my world. This is improv. This is Whose Line is it Anyway?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 703

  45. Hey, hey, everybody, Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh! Here you go. Take one, take one. It's all good. Phyllis, think fast. Ya-bome! Oh, oh, I see Angela. Angela? Right? Waaaaah! Oh, hey temp. Why don't you take two? Because you don't get health care. And uh, faster metabolism.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 773

  46. Why don't you just eat it, OK? And here you go, Stanley the manly.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 775

  47. There you go.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 777

  48. Uh, nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising, um... because you didn't expect it. But you will... you'll know it when you see it.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 779

  49. Oh, Christ.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 781

  50. Well, what? You could be referring to anything.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 798

  51. Uh, Dwight? Did you raise benefits?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 801

  52. Oh come on! That's horrible! Aaah... Thanks, Dwight, for a crappy plan. Ah, Damn! Oh, mmm, I wish I had time to change it, but Jan needs it by five, and... what time is it, what time is it? Ah, it's after five. Oh, oh it's awful. So, well, OK. See you guys on Monday.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 803

  53. Oh... Yes. Exactly. Thank you Angela, for reminding me. Terrific. Um, before I tell everybody what the big surprise is, would you like to tell me what you think the big surprise is?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 805

  54. All right, I have some news for you. There is a big surprise. And... here it is. Here we go. And the big surprise is... Brrrrrrrr! Drum roll... Brrrrrrrr! Brrrrrrrr!

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 807

  55. When I am backed into a corner, that is when I come alive. See I learned improve from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 808

  56. God, yeah... Ah! This...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 809

  57. Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. 'Hi. I'm Mork from Ork.' Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 810

  58. Sorry, too busy can't even come to the door.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 820

  59. Yeah, no...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 822

  60. You know what. I, um, I'm out the door. I'm going to a meeting. Pam, I'm headed out to another meeting. So see you later. Uh, here we go.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 824

  61. Well, it is time to call in a little favor. A buddy of mine runs this tourist attraction, actually it's big. It's probably one of the most popular in the state. So...

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 846

  62. Hey, hey Craigers, my man! It is Michael Scott here. Dunder Mifflin, we supply your office paper.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 848

  63. No, no, no, no. No, actually to ask you a little favoroonie my friend. Um, here's the deal. Um, trying to give the troops here a little bit of a boost. And I was thinking that maybe we could bring them down to go on your big ride.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 850

  64. Well, it says here that it's a 300ft drop.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 852

  65. So it's not a free fall?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 854

  66. Uh, okay. So um, once you get down into the mine, what do you do? Is it like, uh... Do you have laser tag down there or something?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 856

  67. That's it?

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 858

  68. Uh, he's a small client. They don't really buy much.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 860

  69. I've really learned from the greats. The great improvisers, Drew Carey, Ryan Stiles, uh, the Brady guy not so much. He's more the signing, Wayne Brady. Um, Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him. Oh! That would be exciting. 'Hi. I'm Mork from Ork.' Well, I'm Bork from Spork. Nanoo, nanoo. Jibelee, baloobaloo. 'That's Good morning, Vietnam!' Well, hello to you. You know it would be... God. And you know what, sometimes when I'm watching somebody like um, like Jay Leno. He'll be half way through his step And I will already be laughing at the punch line. He hasn't even gotten to it. He doesn't even know what it is it. So it's fun, you know it's fun having a mind that works like that. That is just a few steps ahead of... comedically ahead of like what's going on. Like I'll watch T.V. and I'll be watching a show and I will think, oh, I know someone's gonna walk in here right now and say something funny. And then they do. Or, um, I know they'll be like oh boy that person deserved to be slammed down. There's going to be some sort of insult. And there is. You know, there's like, 'Oh you're... God your butt is fat.' And I knew it. I know it's like I knew they were going to say that. I knew they were gonna go there. Don't go there. Um, but other... You know it's like uh, you know Leno, um and Letterman, Carson, you know. Need I say more? No.

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 889

  70. We're all going bowling!

    Season 1 · Episode 3 · Quote 891

  71. Oh! God. Dwight, come on...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 893

  72. There's no downsizing.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 895

  73. Assistant to the regional manager Dwight.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 897

  74. Look, look, look. I talked to corporate, about protecting the sales staff. And they said they couldn't guarantee it if there's downsizing, okay?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 899

  75. But there's no downsizing, so just don't...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 900

  76. Mmm, mm, mm. Maybe.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 902

  77. It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blah! I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, 'You're fired.' 'You're foir-ed. Uh, you're foir-ed.' It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. 'You're foir-ed.' I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, 'You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want.' But that's unrealistic, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 903

  78. Get set for Operation Morale Improvement starring Michael Scott. Now, I think I have had a little stroke of genius in that I have had my assistant Pam... Smile, Pam. I have had her go out and find out whose birthday is coming up, so we can have a little celebration for it. Not bad, not bad at all. All right. And the birthday person is... drum roll please. Here we go, who is the birthday, birthday person?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 907

  79. Who is it? Who's the birthday?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 908

  80. Next person on the...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 910

  81. ...calendar.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 912

  82. Yes! All right, come on down Meredith!

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 914

  83. Um... uh, OK. Well, great, well, you know, it'll be a surprise.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 916

  84. Yeah, why not? Sure. Go ahead, live a little. Come on, Pam. Come on, shake it up. Shake it up! Shake it up!

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 918

  85. Brrrp! Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? Well, let me check Captain. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. No, Captain. No signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. Brr-rrrp. Star Trek.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 919

  86. These are my party-planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook!

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 930

  87. So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake, um, maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. Those are very good. Very Delicious.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 931

  88. She's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not, uh, it's not just about her, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 933

  89. Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 935

  90. Can you get her? She's right there. That is Meredith, the birthday girl. And this... is Meredith's card. Happy Bird-Day. Um, let's see. Jim, Jim wrote, 'Meredith, I heard you're turning 46, but, come on, you're an accountant. Just fudge the numbers.' Not bad, pretty funny, I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though. Uh, here's the thing. Whatever I write here has to be really, really funny. Because people out there are expecting it. I've already set the bar really high. And they're all worried about their jobs, you know. It's kinda dark out there. Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, 'Oh, Meredith. Happy Birthday. You're great. Love, Michael.'

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 962

  91. Meredith, Meredith... Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 987

  92. Hey, Oscar! Come on in. What's up?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 988

  93. Oh, not at all. Come on in. What's going on?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 990

  94. What?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 992

  95. Oh, God. Of course I would. Get it over here. Get that over here.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 994

  96. No, I'm always good... for some serious buckage. Wow. Two dollars, three dollars? People out here do not care about diseases. I am going to give you... $25.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 996

  97. Oh, my gosh, well... Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so...

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 998

  98. Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1008

  99. Yeah. What do you know about Meredith?

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1010

  100. There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend.

    Season 1 · Episode 4 · Quote 1012