Michael Scott Quotes from The Office (page 115)

Regional manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton, World's Best Boss.

12,176 quotes · page 115 of 122

1. That was the worst joke ever.

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2. Okay. Okay goodbye, goodbye.

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3. What? What?

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4. Hold on, Holly's coming back here?

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5. That is a great question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe, just maybe a part of my future?

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6. Holly's coming back, everybody, and we have to have a party.

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7. You know what, we'll postpone this party until then. This is too important. Cancel this one. Dwight get rid of the tree.

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8. Cancel. We're canceling it.

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9. No, we have to cancel the party.

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10. No, no, no, we're gonna get fresh for Holly. Fresh and new.

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11. I know.

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12. It's not. They're not. Fresh and new. Please let go. Please let go.

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13. Well then everybody'll chip in, it'll be fine.

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14. You know what, I'll pay for it. I'll pay for the party. It doesn't matter. This is way too important. People, Holly's coming back, and this is the most important Christmas party of my life. So back to work.

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15. Man, I worked hard. I worked so hard for this! I was after corporate constantly. I emailed Joe. I wrote letters. And, know who I end up owing this to is the Scranton strangler. Thank you. Thank you, Scranton strangler. I love you! You just took one more person's breath away.

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16. We have always had good Christmas parties here, as you know, but they've never been cool. The name is Bond... Santa Bond. I'll have an eggnog, shaken, not stirred. Classic Brosnan. Santa... wonderful tradition. Everybody loves Santa. Everybody can't get enough of the jolly old man. But that is a myth, because you know what, he is not necessarily a big fat guy with a beard. He's not necessarily an old guy. No one knows what the real Santa Claus... God! Ow!

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17. Well, this year's gonna be different. We're gonna have fun. It's not gonna be tacky. It's going to be, you know what, the food is going to be austere. It is not going to be tacky, deli platter food. It's not gonna have a big, fat, gross Santa Claus. It's gonna be cool, sleek Santa.

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18. Okay. Sure.

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19. You never know about the press.

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20. Could he help us with some parking tickets?

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21. Well, then he's not a senator.

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22. Okay.

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23. Okay... Oh, no, no, no, no! Fake tree. No, no!

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24. Pam, no, no. Holly's coming from New Hampshire. Somebody from New Hampshire looks at that and thinks it's a burning cross. No, no. I want you to go and get a real tree. Take some money. Thank you.

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25. Yes, that's me. Come on it.

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26. There's nothing classier than boring Jazz music. I am here to tell ya. And I made a bit of a judgment call. I hired one musician, because I thought, what's better, to hire an entire quartet for half an hour, or one bassist for the entire day?

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27. When Holly gets here, I want you to be very helpful to her.

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28. She doesn't need an internet presence, you just know.

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29. What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be in the courthouse.

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30. And then he will come back here and replace Holly, so stop asking him questions.

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31. There she is. Hey. Erin, would you help her, for God's sake?

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32. Hello.

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33. Well, I never thought I'd see your face around these parts, you old bastard.

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34. Why, you're some sorta wise guy, huh?

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35. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk!

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36. D'oh!

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37. Hi. Hi. Oh...

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38. Oh no, not the huggy monster! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! Wow. Well, everybody, you remember Holly.

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39. That's adorable.

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40. Well, you came on the day of our Christmas party.

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41. Isn't it wonderful? We love it here. Don't you love it? All right, let me show you to your desk. I show you to your desk.

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42. What kind of guns do you have? Six-shooter?

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43. This is weird. I can't believe you're here. This feels like you never left. Doesn't it?

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44. Oh...

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45. Oh, and you have a Woody. Bah! Oh, I love toy...

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46. Well, that's understandable. Still raw. Woody your favorite character?

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47. You know who my favorite character in Toy Story is? Andy's mom.

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48. Because without Andy's mom, there's no plot. And without any plot, there is no movie.

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49. You're kidding me. Ahh!

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50. What a douche bag!

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51. Get a... yeah! Good riddance.

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52. Mmhmm.

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53. Good for him.

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54. Really? That's creepy. How did AJ get in your house?

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55. Oh, you do?

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56. Yeah, Randy Newman's the best.

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57. Me too.

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58. Hey.

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59. Hey there, Jada. Nice to see you again. I'm Santa Claus. Welcome.

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60. It's a sophisticated take.

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61. Yeah, well, I was told that Holly would be here, single and ready to date. And we all got misled.

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62. Nora Ephron, in every romantic comedy ever made.

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63. I guess there are just some people who you stay together with when you transfer, and some people you don't. And that's just the way it is. And I can be mature about that.

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64. What if Meredith was taking her smoking break below that window? You know what would have happened? The shards of glass would have shaved her face right off. And, yes, it might have been funny. But it also would have been incredibly tragic.

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65. All this arguing reminds me of a very funny story. You see this on my desk? Know who gave me this? My girlfriend Tara, who lives in New York City.

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66. I haven't told you about her.

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67. I'm a man in my mid-40s and I still get zits. I think that's pretty interesting. But you know what? I am not on trial here. The Scranton strangler is. So, anyway, we have this great weekend, and she drives me to the airport, and we get to JFK, but I am flying out of LaGuardia. So we laugh and laugh and laugh, and then we spend the rest of the day walking around Slo-mo, drinking latte. And at the end of the day, she gives me this, and she says, 'Michael, maybe next time, you should take a cab.'

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68. I do. She is.

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69. Did you see her face? Well it seems to me that there is a person sitting out there in the annex that still has feelings for Michael G. Scott. And it ain't Tara.

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70. What happened? What happened? Toby, what did you do? I think Toby's very jealous of all the attention you've been getting.

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71. Oh, really? Turn it on me. Well, isn't that nice? Thank you very much.

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72. It is Christmas.

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73. Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Well, the fact that you would think that points to the possibility that it is probably not me. And that I have been framed.

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74. Ahhhhhh! Surprise! It was part of the party. Pretty funny, huh?

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75. I don't. But someday I think we will laugh about this... when we tell our kids...

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76. All right. Shh. Okay, you know what? Holly, I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. An accident borne of jealous feelings.

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77. Oh, really? You certainly seemed jealous when I told you about my fake girlfriend. That's what Jim and Dwight thought.

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78. When you got transferred, and I drove you up to Nashua, you said, 'Michael, I love you, but I can't do this.' But then, with this other guy, you don't have any problem with a long-distance relationship, do you? And you know what, that is what is the matter with me.

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79. And we did this whole stupid party for you.

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80. Mmm. Erin, would you do me a favor and find my street clothes for me, please?

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81. Hey

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82. Nice to see you again, AJ. Welcome.

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83. Good trip down?

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84. Good, good. Good to see you. Have fun. Enjoy the partay.

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85. I am dead inside.

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86. Oh, hey, hey, no, don't run. You're gonna slip.

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87. Yup. I read this story about a woman who slipped on some black ice, and she hit her head and went into a coma forever. And then every day, her husband went and visited her in the hospital until she died.

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88. Yeah, well, at least he was married.

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89. No, it's not. It's not. Oh, man, I can tell you confidently that it is not gonna be okay.

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90. Really?

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91. No.

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92. Yeah. I mean, I can wait till then. Come here. I don't want you to fall.

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93. I was in the mall, and I saw that, and I thought it had your name written all over it.

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94. No, that's not... no, I went to the mall and I picked that out especially for you.

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95. From the mall. That...

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96. Well, that...

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97. Hey.

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98. Oh.

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99. Thank you. A Hostess apple pie! This is my favorite breakfast. How did you know that? Thank you very much.

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100. Oh, you know, I seem to remember that Santa promised that he would listen to all the gifts you wanted for Christmas. Didn't he say that?

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