Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office (page 5)

Customer service rep and pop culture authority.

956 quotes · page 5 of 10

1. I hate dieting, I hate it so much. I hate this worm inside of me!

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2. Nope.

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3. I'm doing the blood type diet.

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4. What'd you say h[bleep]?

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5. Oh yeah, she loves that headband.

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6. She manipulates you.

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7. I never know when you're kidding.

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8. What?

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9. Why is ok for smokers to take breaks all the time? If I want to go outside and hang out once an hour, then I'll just take up smoking. I'll do it. I don't care.

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10. Sometimes I download pirated music onto my work computer.

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11. And this is way worse than the stroller she came with.

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12. Um, so you're in the tub with everything?

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13. Wow you guys look amazing. Stanley, I thought you hated Halloween.

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14. Oh, I'm Carrie Bradshaw from Sex And The City.

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15. Thank you. Will you help walk me to the fax machine?

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16. Inappropriate. Thank you. Who are you, Larry King?

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17. Oh, from the insurance commercials!

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18. So, you're dumping Michael? Smart.

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19. Oh! You guys are gonna keep dating? That's so romantic!

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20. Michael, I got my bridesmaid dress.

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21. Yeah, and you said I could get it in any color I wanted, so I picked white.

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22. Call your mom, Michael.

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23. So I returned my bridesmaid dress, and it was on sale, so I'm out $100.

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24. Yeah, uh, this is all of them: Jim, Dwight, Phyllis, Stanley, Andy and -- oh. Oh, it's the receipt to my bridesmaid dress. What's that doing there?

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25. Oh, my God. You scared me.

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26. What are you talking about?

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27. You always say that, and I almost never know.

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28. Are you accusing me of something?

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29. You just can't come into my nook and call me stupid. And maybe if you were a little bit more nice and polite, then people wouldn't give you such bad customer reviews.

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30. Dwight, get out of my nook!

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31. Yeah, he's weird.

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32. OK.

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33. Um, we're cool. Bye.

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34. What's going on?

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35. Nothing's going on.

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36. What? I -- I don't know what you're talking about. This is the first I'm hearing about this.

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37. I love your tie, Michael.

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38. I was raped.

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39. OK, all right. OK, I did it. All right? I lied, whatever. Just fire me. But you know what? I did it because you guys didn't come to my party, and you said you would try to and then you didn't even show up, and so you're bad friends.

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40. See? I wasn't lying.

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41. I was lying.

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42. No problem.

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43. For you. I'm with Darryl.

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44. Is that supposed to impress me?

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45. No. Not going to happen. He has hurt me too much and too often. And I am in a healthy relationship so I'm not gonna flaunt it and I'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed.

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46. What are we doing? This is so wrong.

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47. Mmmm.... mmm. This can't happen again.

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48. Yeah.

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49. I don't know. I mean, it's well-written and all, I just---

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50. Oh my God. He's going to kill us.

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51. Oh! He says it's cool. He said, 'It's cool'.

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52. That's all he wrote.

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53. Mmm hmm.

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54. Mmm hmm. It's like a fairy tale! Mmmm...

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55. We're back together again baby.

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56. They tried to keep us apart, but they couldnt. It was like destiny.

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57. Oh!

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58. Yeah, um, but one of them is for Toby.

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59. Um, I'm just gonna hand it to him right now.

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60. Mmhmm.

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61. Punch him, Toby!

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62. Hi, Michael.

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63. Can't do what?

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64. Wait, what are you saying? I broke up with Darryl so I could be with you.

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65. Oh, can I come?

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66. So you're dumping me?

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67. Okay?

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68. Wait, Michael! Let me open the door for you.

    Season 5 · Episode 9 · Line 25733

69. Yeah, 'cause this is kind of a drag.

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70. I guess people have fewer choices as they get older.

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71. There's Andy, he's in his car. You guys, what is he doing?

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72. Yeah, shut up Kevin.

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73. No, no, no no. Shes hot, okay? Because if you are saying Hillary Swank isn't hot, then you are saying that I am not hot. Because obviously I am not as hot as Hillary Swank!

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74. Dwight!

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75. A vacation.

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76. I have made a list of people that I would make out with before I would make out with Michael Scott. A turtle, a fridge, anybody from the warehouse, a woodchipper, Kevin, a candle, and Lord Voldemort. Anyway, Happy Birthday Michael.

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77. Screw you.

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78. Oh yeah? Screw you too.

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79. My birthday was yesterday, and everybody forgot. I got really dressed up and excited, and no one said a word. There wasn't even a party. I think sometimes people are really mean to the hot, popular girl.

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80. Screw you guys. You're dead to me.

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81. Yeah, screw you, beefer, I don't forget your birthday, I would never do that.

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82. I guess my only wish, would be that nothing so terrible would ever happen to anyone else ever again.

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83. In a way, it's good that it happened to me, because at least I can bear it.

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84. Ice Cream.

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85. Stop yelling at me!

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86. I didn't do anything!

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87. I was kickin' it.

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88. My boyfriend dumped me, so, I stole his boat. I mean, he told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's. And I just thought it'd be really romantic, like 'Thelma and Louise,' but with, like, a boat. And it was the worst year of my life. And I can't believe that you guys are making me talk about this on my birthday!

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89. You did? I wanna see the cake.

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90. I hate it.

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91. Well, there's no flowers... or toys... or--- I mean, there's nothing on it. Where did you even find a cake like this? I mean, it doesn't have my name on it! Do you guys know what my name is? My name is Kelly!

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92. I mean, I don't even know what the theme is. What's the theme?!

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93. Those aren't... themes. There's always a theme.

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94. [enters conference room]

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95. This doesn't look good.

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96. [shakes her head no]

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97. You don't hear a theme, you see it... why is there a chicklet on my cake?

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27529

98. Cool.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27534

99. I love it.

    Season 5 · Episode 15 · Line 27536

100. You know what, I have been watching TV all week. I choose nap.

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