Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office (page 3)

Customer service rep and pop culture authority.

956 quotes · page 3 of 10

1. Anyway, do you know who was totally flirting with Ben Franklin? Pam.

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2. Could you scoot over? You're on my dress.

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3. I know but there was an emergency.

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4. I look

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5. Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.

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6. Well... this was supposed to be your wedding.

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7. There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you, I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.

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8. I can't believe you're back together with Roy!

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9. Oh my God. You're so in love now.

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10. Oh, art show!

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11. ...Oh... yeah. Definitely... I'll be there. For sure.

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12. What are you doing? You'd better not hurt that little bat.

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13. Don't hurt that bat, Creed! It's a living thing with feelings and a family!

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14. AHH! KILL IT! KILL IT! KILL IIIT!

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15. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...

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16. I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't...

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17. Hope she's OK.

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18. You prayed for this?

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19. Oh my God, when is it?

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20. I'm going and so are both of you. We're all going.

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21. I hear whispering.

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22. Who the hell is Ryan talking to?

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23. That is the bravest thing I have ever heard.

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24. I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed.

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25. Oh it was?

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26. Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night...

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27. ...and you call me, to calm you down...

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28. ...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not.

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29. I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!

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30. You are so mean.

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31. Yes you do, Ryan Bailey Howard. You called me stupid.

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32. What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher?

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33. Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor.

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34. Oh, so I'm crazy now?

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35. And all of a sudden, Dwight stood up and was like 'No!'

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36. You should just read the report that Toby did. He took everyone's stories. Dunder Mifflin, customer service, this is Kelly. Oh yeah I could totally help you with that. Ok, let me just get the folder out. Okay, it seems here that you ordered 12,000 reams of paper. Oh, 12 reams...

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37. Excuse me, sea monster, you weigh like a thousand pounds.

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38. Ryan?

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39. What?!

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40. Are you kidding me?

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41. So then the next movie moves to the top of the queue. So number five becomes number four, number six becomes number five,number three becomes number two, etc, etc. And let's just say that I just sent back

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42. You're such a ditz.

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43. Oh my God, these cookies have no flavor. How is that possible?

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44. You should work out Ryan, you would look so hot.

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45. Screw you.

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46. Give me that thing, I want to try.

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47. I was just going to say that you have a cute butt. Oh my God I did not just say that, did I just say that? Oh my God I'm so adorable.

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48. This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This

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49. Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you're not good at interacting with people. But guess what? From now on, you guys are no longer losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.

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50. I know, right? Probably a lot.

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51. OK, Angela. I love your enthusiasm. All you need to know how to do is pick up the phone and say 'Customer Service, this is Kelly!' Except don't say 'Kelly,' say your own name. Or if you're bored, you can just make up a name. Like one time, I said I was Bridget Jones, and I talked like this for the whole conversation!

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52. Absolutely!

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53. I like ice cream! I need a boyfriend.

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54. OK, first, I just wanna say that you are doing

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55. Ask where he's from.

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56. OK, great. Now tell him that it was an unfortunate error, and we're doing everything we can do to fix it, and that you're sorry.

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57. And you're sorry.

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58. Oh my God, I am so sorry, that is so messed up. Everyone here is so upset, you have no idea. And rest assured your voice has been heard. Okay, I'll be thinking about you all day. Customer service, this is Kelly. Oh my God, I am so sorry, that is so messed up. Everyone here is so upset, you have no idea. And rest assured your voice has been heard. Okay, I'll be thinking about you all day.

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59. Customer service isn't like accounting. It's not just typing numbers into a calculator and then it tells you an answer.

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60. Okay, or hand out checks, or whatever it is you do. Look, I know the reason that you guys became accountants is because you think that people don't like you. But guess what, from now on you guys are not losers! So give yourselves a round of applause.

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61. The annex rocks. All you need to do is make sure that you make a connection with the customer. They just wanna know that you're sorry. Do that and you'll be fine. Make sense?

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62. Okay, role-playing time!

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63. Why can't you just say you're sorry and make them feel better?

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64. Well, you have to do what I say, okay? Because Michael put me in charge, even though you're old enough to be my mother.

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65. Well, you're fired, okay? Go back to accounting, Angela.

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66. Hey, Angela. I'm sorry that I said you were old enough to be my mother. I don't know why I said that. I think I might be hypoglycemic or something, but still, it's no excuse. So, I'm very sorry.

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67. Do you think I'm a slut?

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68. Apology accepted!

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69. We're like best friends now!

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70. I'll text you!

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71. Bye, Angela!

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72. That is all I was looking for today. She got something out of my training session. I mean, she will never work in customer relations. Oh, my God, no. Never. But maybe she'll be less of a grump.

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73. Thanks, Michael.

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74. Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome.

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75. Whoa.

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76. Michael, you know how to, um -change a wheel, right?

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77. Hey, what's going on?

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78. [Screams]

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79. We're going to the mall. Bye Ryan, bye.

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80. I don't want to hit the big rock!

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81. I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it.

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82. I just don't want to get hit by it...

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83. Can I have a turkey burger?

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84. Can we just take those first two things?

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85. Team U.S.A.!

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86. Who's Bob Hope?

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87. Oh, like Amanda Bynes.

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88. She's from 'What a Girl Wants.'

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89. Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam.

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90. Who was that?

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91. What?!

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92. Well, if Michael gets the job, I will be so upset, because Dwight used to have a crush on me, so if he's boss, it'll be really awkward.

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93. But if Jim gets it, you should be happy, because you have a crush on him, and he totally doesn't feel the same way, and then he'll be gone.

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94. Pam, he's just not that into you.

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95. No, seriously Pam, wake up.

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96. She looks awful.

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97. That's Buddhist.

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98. No.

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99. If there was a God then Ryan and I would be married by now.

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100. Have a seat, I'll write it down.

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