Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office (page 4)

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956 quotes · page 4 of 10

1. I dunno, like 5 kilometers from the office.

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17428

2. I don't want to talk to anybody about Ryan! Please, go away!

   Season 4 · Episode 1 · Quote 17482

3. Oh, is... Ryan coming back today?

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17577

4. Oh.

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17579

5. Can we speak privately about our relationship?

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17651

6. Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys.

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17686

7. A lot. Black guys mostly.

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17688

8. What?!

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17690

9. I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.

   Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17697

10. Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17699

11. Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17701

12. [shaking head]

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17702

13. And guess what buddy, I am keeping it.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17703

14. Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17705

15. We have a date!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17707

16. You know, some place romantic and expensive.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17804

17. You know what, you're right. I'm feeling kind of nauseous anyway. So, you know skip it.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17806

18. I don't understand what the big deal is.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17850

19. No!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17852

20. Right, so?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17854

21. No!

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17856

22. Why not?

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 17858

23. Well, he's super-ticklish, I don't know if that helps.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18099

24. Oh, he's also super-insecure about his height.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18101

25. And he doesn't care about anybody but himself.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18103

26. And don't have sex with him, 'cause if you do, the next two years of your life will be a total waste of time.

    Season 4 · Episode 2 · Quote 18105

27. If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18188

28. Waaay too tight.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18259

29. Why is it so tight?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18262

30. Depends... how much have you eaten already today?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18268

31. You had carbs? That's awful.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18271

32. But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, 'Thanks for shopping at Dunder-Mifflin.'

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18329

33. Thanks.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18337

34. Not so much anymore.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18339

35. Is that traffic school?

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18732

36. Because we're not supposed to be doing personal stuff at work.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18734

37. Because yesterday when I was taking an online quiz about trying to find my ideal weight for my frame, you said that was inappropriate.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18736

38. Just reiterating what you said to me.

    Season 4 · Episode 3 · Quote 18738

39. You're so funny.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18974

40. I invited him.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18976

41. Okay.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18979

42. Umm, see you later tonight.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18981

43. Okay, bye honey.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 18983

44. Ryan used me an object.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19005

45. What do you mean you have plans tonight?

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19048

46. Well, you have to make a choice, it's either your daughter, or me.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19050

47. Okay, I see how it is. Oops.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19052

48. [makes a W then an L with her fingers, and then runs a finger across her throat]

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19054

49. Well, I just need to know where this is going.

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19079

50. Don't you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire---

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19081

51. Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?

    Season 4 · Episode 4 · Quote 19083

52. Ahhh!!

    Season 4 · Episode 7 · Quote 19982

53. What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20224

54. Guess whose boyfriend it is?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20226

55. I'll give you a hint: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20228

56. I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20229

57. Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20237

58. Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20238

59. Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20239

60. Yeah, that's what I thought.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20285

61. Yeah, the floppy haired girl you date won a point.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20383

62. Woooh! Nice baby! Nice one! Hey, hey, you, you! I don't like your boyfriend! Cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz he sucks at ping-pong!

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20385

63. What?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20387

64. OK. Bring it on.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20389

65. Think you can handle this?

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20391

66. OK. Volley for serve, P.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20393

67. O.

    Season 4 · Episode 8 · Quote 20395

68. Hi, Michael.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21038

69. Yeah, what are you doing here?

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21040

70. Oh, all my friends are crazy. My one friend, Brianna...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21042

71. Oh, my God...

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21044

72. She's 23.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21046

73. Actually, I know a ton of people that I can set you up with!

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21048

74. Some of my friends' parents, they're getting divorced now. So I think some of those, like, older ladies, they're really looking for a guy to go on a date with.

    Season 4 · Episode 10 · Quote 21050

75. If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21132

76. Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21134

77. Now he's never gonna come.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21260

78. Was he still there?

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21409

79. I'm so cold, I'm gonna faint. If I faint, it's totally your fault, Jim.

    Season 4 · Episode 11 · Quote 21415

80. Ok, ok, I was watching E!, and I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater, and omhmygod, he looked so good...

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Quote 21462

81. Why would he say that?

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Quote 21697

82. Oh, yeah, and then, yell at Creed, because you know what? Looking can be as bad as touching.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Quote 21708

83. Ignore her, those glasses are so cool.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Quote 21718

84. Yeah, you look like Lisa Loeb or Tina Fey or someone. You should definitely wear them all the time.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Quote 21720

85. Guess who just became the cutest girl in the office.

    Season 4 · Episode 12 · Quote 21722

86. Oh my God, Darryl, you look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama!

    Season 4 · Episode 13 · Quote 21751

87. I can't believe this is your last day. How do you feel?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22030

88. I feel weird.

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22032

89. I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit, and get my hair done, and then be like, 'Hi Ryan.' And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, 'Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison.'

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22315

90. Can I be your bridesmaid?

    Season 4 · Episode 14 · Quote 22464

91. Just leave me alone!

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22733

92. I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size 2. So ... gonna look amazing.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22734

93. I was on an IV for two days at the hospital.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22794

94. It's just some of us are taking this really seriously.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22873

95. I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22874

96. Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22917

97. Cool.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22919

98. Oh that is so sweet. Um, but I'm dating Darryl, still, and we're like crazy in love so...

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22921

99. It's a small office.

    Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22923

100. ...what else do people like?

     Season 5 · Episode 1 · Quote 22994