Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office (page 4)

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956 quotes · page 4 of 10

1. I dunno, like 5 kilometers from the office.

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2. I don't want to talk to anybody about Ryan! Please, go away!

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3. Oh, is... Ryan coming back today?

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4. Oh.

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5. Can we speak privately about our relationship?

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6. Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys.

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7. A lot. Black guys mostly.

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8. What?!

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9. I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.

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10. Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me.

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11. Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant.

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12. [shaking head]

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13. And guess what buddy, I am keeping it.

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14. Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby?

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15. We have a date!

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16. You know, some place romantic and expensive.

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17. You know what, you're right. I'm feeling kind of nauseous anyway. So, you know skip it.

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18. I don't understand what the big deal is.

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19. No!

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20. Right, so?

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21. No!

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22. Why not?

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23. Well, he's super-ticklish, I don't know if that helps.

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24. Oh, he's also super-insecure about his height.

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25. And he doesn't care about anybody but himself.

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26. And don't have sex with him, 'cause if you do, the next two years of your life will be a total waste of time.

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27. If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?

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28. Waaay too tight.

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29. Why is it so tight?

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30. Depends... how much have you eaten already today?

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31. You had carbs? That's awful.

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32. But you get to put the paper in this little shopping cart and then it says, 'Thanks for shopping at Dunder-Mifflin.'

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33. Thanks.

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34. Not so much anymore.

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35. Is that traffic school?

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36. Because we're not supposed to be doing personal stuff at work.

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37. Because yesterday when I was taking an online quiz about trying to find my ideal weight for my frame, you said that was inappropriate.

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38. Just reiterating what you said to me.

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39. You're so funny.

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40. I invited him.

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41. Okay.

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42. Umm, see you later tonight.

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43. Okay, bye honey.

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44. Ryan used me an object.

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45. What do you mean you have plans tonight?

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46. Well, you have to make a choice, it's either your daughter, or me.

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47. Okay, I see how it is. Oops.

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48. [makes a W then an L with her fingers, and then runs a finger across her throat]

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49. Well, I just need to know where this is going.

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50. Don't you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I've ever met in my entire---

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51. Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I've ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?

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52. Ahhh!!

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53. What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?

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54. Guess whose boyfriend it is?

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55. I'll give you a hint: It's not my boyfriend. I think it's a guy over here.

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56. I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there.

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57. Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.

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58. Jim couldn't hit a ping pong ball if it was the size of the moon.

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59. Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?

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60. Yeah, that's what I thought.

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61. Yeah, the floppy haired girl you date won a point.

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62. Woooh! Nice baby! Nice one! Hey, hey, you, you! I don't like your boyfriend! Cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz, cuz he sucks at ping-pong!

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63. What?

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64. OK. Bring it on.

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65. Think you can handle this?

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66. OK. Volley for serve, P.

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67. O.

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68. Hi, Michael.

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69. Yeah, what are you doing here?

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70. Oh, all my friends are crazy. My one friend, Brianna...

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71. Oh, my God...

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72. She's 23.

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73. Actually, I know a ton of people that I can set you up with!

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74. Some of my friends' parents, they're getting divorced now. So I think some of those, like, older ladies, they're really looking for a guy to go on a date with.

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75. If I'd have created a website with as many problems, I'd kill myself.

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76. Yeah I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?

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77. Now he's never gonna come.

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78. Was he still there?

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79. I'm so cold, I'm gonna faint. If I faint, it's totally your fault, Jim.

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80. Ok, ok, I was watching E!, and I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater, and omhmygod, he looked so good...

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81. Why would he say that?

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82. Oh, yeah, and then, yell at Creed, because you know what? Looking can be as bad as touching.

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83. Ignore her, those glasses are so cool.

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84. Yeah, you look like Lisa Loeb or Tina Fey or someone. You should definitely wear them all the time.

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85. Guess who just became the cutest girl in the office.

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86. Oh my God, Darryl, you look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama!

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87. I can't believe this is your last day. How do you feel?

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88. I feel weird.

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89. I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I'm gonna wear my hottest track suit, and get my hair done, and then be like, 'Hi Ryan.' And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, 'Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison.'

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90. Can I be your bridesmaid?

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91. Just leave me alone!

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92. I am on the third day of my cleanse diet. All I have to do is drink maple syrup, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and water for all three meals. Um, I just bought some bikinis online, size 2. So ... gonna look amazing.

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93. I was on an IV for two days at the hospital.

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94. It's just some of us are taking this really seriously.

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95. I swallowed a tapeworm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me and then it eats all my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months I take some medicine and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.

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96. Oh, hello Ryan. You look well.

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97. Cool.

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98. Oh that is so sweet. Um, but I'm dating Darryl, still, and we're like crazy in love so...

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99. It's a small office.

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100. ...what else do people like?

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