Receptionist turned office administrator and Michael Scott Paper Company co-founder.
-
Andy.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54456
-
Can you go instead?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54507
-
You've got this Schrute.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54543
-
Oh, I'll be the buyer.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54552
-
Hello, Mr. Schrute, nice to see you. Please have a seat.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54554
-
Okay, let's stop here. Anyone have any thoughts?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54558
-
Okay, when you're selling to women, it is crucial that you listen, Dwight. Also you want to respect their... Are you listening now?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54578
-
Okay, well you have to show us.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54580
-
Huh. Uh huh.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54582
-
A little smile and a nod shows that I hear you. Got it?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54584
-
Nellie, why don't you tell Dwight what we were doing earlier today. And Dwight, you show us that you're listening.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54586
-
Ten years ago, I didn't care if Dwight got married or died a beet-farming bachelor. But having kids makes you so soft. I used to watch Pulp Fiction and laugh, and now I'm like, that poor gimp is somebody's child.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54604
-
You know, I think there could be a lot of benefits if you could learn to get along with women.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54605
-
Dwight, listen to me. Businesswomen are just normal, nice, reasonable people. Who is a nice, reasonable person in your experience?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54607
-
Okay, so, when you're selling to this woman, just imagine that she's that nice, reasonable barber.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54609
-
Mm-hmm. Good. Baby steps.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54611
-
Like, he used to make dogs fight? Or he actually fought dogs?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54613
-
Oh, great. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you mind telling me her name? I realized we don't have it.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54640
-
Okay, great.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54642
-
Oh my God. It's Jan.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54644
-
Jan used to be one of my superiors, and she is one of the most erratic and terrifying people I have ever met.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54646
-
Jim and I are pretty sure she had an affair with her ex-assistant Hunter. He was 17. But she looks great. If she asks, will you tell her I said that?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54648
-
Forget everything we taught you. Hey, Jan! It's so great to see you.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54649
-
What?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54651
-
Sorry. Um, David is in Vermont. Did you speak with him? He sent Dwight instead.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54654
-
So this was all just a trick. You don't really have any business to give?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54665
-
But not to us.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54667
-
You did good, Dwight. It's okay. I mean, seriously, Jan's not normal. Let's just go. She's not going to sell to us.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54669
-
What?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54671
-
Yeah.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54673
-
Yeah. Um, do you have any other pictures of Astrid?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54675
-
Wow. Your voice is as lovely as ever.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54690
-
And it is so cute how she signs her name.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54692
-
Oh, okay. It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards 'E's.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54694
-
Oh, actually she can.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54696
-
Of course.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54698
-
Um... 'A'... 'X'? I don't -- you got me.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54700
-
I'm so sorry. I hate this. You're better.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54702
-
Mm. Excuse me. Could I get some more water?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54709
-
Oh, my God.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54712
-
Okay, you do not have to do this.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54718
-
Oh, hey, Molly. You should just quit.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54739
-
Dwight, that was really nice. You should ask for her number.
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54742
-
That's a license number?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54744
-
Oh. Why me?
Season 9 · Episode 7 · Quote 54746
-
These are my painting clothes.I think I'm gonna do it. I am really gonna start painting the warehouse mural today.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54760
-
Are you avoiding your phone call?
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54763
-
Last week Jim wasn't there, and they named the company Athlead.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54766
-
Tell them your opening line.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54768
-
I think it's good. He likes fishing.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54770
-
I guess if I make a mistake, I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. It's just, I think less of paintings with a lot of shrubs. So, I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54839
-
Yeah. Painting now. I just want to make sure that...
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54841
-
It's probably gonna be a few minutes. So you can just go back to doing whatever you were doing.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54843
-
I could get us a complaint.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54929
-
No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54931
-
Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, 'Hey, kool-aid.' Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54989
-
Basically I couldn't tell, but I think...
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54991
-
I-- I thought they were confused at least...
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 54993
-
I did not know that.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55022
-
I'm so sorry.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55024
-
If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea that you can't please everybody all the time.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55048
-
Shut up, Hide! I mean, do you think Kevin cares what people think about him-- or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh, these are my role models now. You know what? I'm okay with that.
Season 9 · Episode 8 · Quote 55050
-
I'm sure it's fine. it's a blue shirt.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55071
-
I'm on it.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55108
-
We're the party planning committee, and we did not get where we are by playing it safe. We got here by being risk takers. And, yeah, Dwight's party is gonna be terrible. Maybe. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's going to be great. And if it's great...I think we all know what that would mean to us.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55157
-
Yes! Phyllis!
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55159
-
What does that even mean? Where would your name appear?
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55161
-
The party planning committee, minus Angela, has decided that we're all going to do Dwight's Christmas.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55164
-
Dwight, there is one rule that you need to take very seriously.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55166
-
And that is...
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55168
-
That there are no rules.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55170
-
You're welcome.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55173
-
What is it? Don't touch it.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55178
-
Oh!
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55180
-
I feel like--Dwight is holding a candle and reading a poem.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55190
-
And the fear.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55221
-
Wow.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55227
-
Mouse trap.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55257
-
Oh, really? Already?
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55261
-
Well...this is it.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55286
-
Shut up. I'm trying to be serious.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55288
-
I can't believe this is actually happening.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55290
-
Okay. Good luck. You're gonna be great.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55292
-
Okay.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55294
-
Love you.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55296
-
What's going on?
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55298
-
For what it's worth, I liked your party better.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55306
-
I don't think anyone thought that.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55308
-
Well, that didn't have anything to do with you.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55310
-
Zero.
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55312
-
Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog?
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55320
-
Jim!
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55323
-
Oh--Oh my god!
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55325
-
What happened? Did you miss your bus?
Season 9 · Episode 9 · Quote 55328
-
What?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Quote 55369
-
Jim's been spending a few days a week in Philly and I'm not gonna lie, it's been challenging. Yesterday, things took a turn for the worse. I found out Cece has lice. So I was up all night disinfecting every sheet, towel, toy, item of clothing in the entire house. I'm exhausted. But don't tell Jim. He has a huge meeting today, under a lot of pressure and he's doing it all for the family.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Quote 55371
-
Great. Everything's great. Hey are you nervous about your big meeting?
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Quote 55374
-
Oh, call me later!
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Quote 55378
-
Good luck!
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Quote 55380
-
Love you.
Season 9 · Episode 10 · Quote 55382