Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 8)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 8 of 40

1. So, Dane Cook, Jack Bauer, and Eli Whitney. You're doing great.

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2. Let's see how well you know your Big Red history.

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3. Who was Cornell's eighth president?

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4. Mm, I'm sorry that's incorrect. Cornell's seventh president was in fact, James A. Perkins. Comprehension skills, sub-par.

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5. What are you writing? Can't even give Cornell your full attention?

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6. Nobody wants ...that, to happen.

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7. Applicant is attempting to blackmail interviewer, showing low moral character.'

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8. Applicant is wasting everyone's time with stupid and inane accusations.'

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9. Applicant has a head shaped like a trapezoid.'

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10. I have everything I need-

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11. And you will be hearing from -

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12. which I will not be a part of-

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13. And YOU will not be pleased with the result!

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14. And your affiliation with Cornell -

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15. Will end completely!

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16. I thought I'd come in casual today. Man, I'm hungry. Anyone else feel like a beet?

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17. What, these? Bernard Farms. Best beets in the state.

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18. Well you will. Soon as you visit, my new beet farm. You're supposed to cook these, aren't you?

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19. I don't care, so it doesn't matter.

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20. You don't think he could get in, though....right? I mean, I don't care, but I just don't see how he could. I doubt he could get in.

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21. I don't care either way, so....shut up.

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22. Don't tell me to calm down, Dad! Don't do that! Oh, God, of all people, I thought you would understand. You're an alum. This guy, he's....he's poking the bear! Yeah, okay, I'll see you at Thanksgiving. Hi to Mom. Bye.

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23. Big idea: double wedding. Me, Angela, you, Holly.

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24. Speakerphone!

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25. Yo, Tommy Tuna, did you get your scores yet?

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26. I got mine. They were really good.

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27. Yeah, pretty psyched. Whoa! That's my mug.

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28. Right, well, it's mine, so if you could pour it out and get another one.

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29. It is a great mug. But it's not my mug. That is my mug. So give it back.

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30. It has my face on it.

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31. Dude, that is my face!

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32. Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. It's really gorgeous. You guys do great work.

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33. I found the best tentist on the east coast. He personally tented Giuliani's first and third weddings. And I got him. I got him!

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34. Would you be able to do the same design, but with walls of gray? And a top that's gray too? Fabulous.

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35. So it's called the Shangri-La Tent. It's two stories, heated and has a bridal suite for my bridal sweet. It's just really simple, really tasteful.

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36. Hobos live in trains.

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37. Well, Nana Mim -- Ahh. OK, look. This tent is awesome. And it's in high demand, so I really think we should put a deposit down now.

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38. Done and done-er.

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39. Do you have a specific place in mind?

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40. On it!

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41. Yes!

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42. I found it. I found the perfect place. A local bed-and-breakfast on a 60-acre beet farm. And even better, I have an in with the owner. Oh, yeah. We work together. It's Dwight Schrute. As in Schrute Farms.

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43. We haven't decided on anything yet. We're still reviewing some options, and it's gonna come down to the numbers.

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44. Oh. Hmm.

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45. That's very generous.

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46. Oh, thank the good Lord. Deal!

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47. Um, what are we talking price wise?

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48. Can't argue with that. Dwight ... You are going to make us so happy.

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49. Oh, man!

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50. Up! Don't leave me hangin'!

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51. I am no longer the worst salesman in the office. Yes! Ow! Dammit!

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52. Monsieur.

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53. I'm just bidding a bon voyage a La Mon Petit fiancee. Translation: Goodbye my petite fiancee.

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54. I will try.

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55. Meaning I will try to get other dudes laid.

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56. Ah... sweet!

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57. Michael Gary Scott rolling like a pimp!

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58. Mmmhmmm...

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59. Mmmm...

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60. That's really good.

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61. Oh...

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62. Oh boy.

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63. Harry and the Henderson's

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64. Very cool.

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65. We are going to find out where the action is, my friend.

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66. Where's the concierge?

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67. Mmm... bingo! Follow moi, bro-sieur.

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68. What about a nice sushi place? Maybe a place with a view?

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69. One final question. Where might you find yourself on a Winnipeg night like tonight?

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70. The Huntsman.

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71. Engaging wings

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72. Yeah with a hot slab of Canadian bacon in your hand.

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73. For Madame et monsieur.

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74. You're welcome.

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75. Let me get a picture of you guys.

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76. Alright, I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good as naked.

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77. Come on! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there. Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island iced teas s'ill vous plait. Bad decision in a glass.

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78. I don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged... whatever. A guy needs intercourse.

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79. You'll thank me when they spank thee.

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80. Do you guys like apples?

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81. Do you like apples?

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82. Well, how do you like these apples? Alright, on a scale of 1 - 10, how hot is that dude?

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83. No, but he could be yours if you play your cards right.

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84. Gentleman.

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85. Dude, you struck out. They're totally stuck up. Here... drink up.

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86. Anything. You can ask me anything.

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87. I'm your wingman.

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88. Right-o.

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89. What?

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90. What do I see in Angela?

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91. I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have sex with her.

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92. No.

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93. Honestly, I don't know what we're waiting for.

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94. What is wrong with her?

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95. I should call her and ask her. What is wrong with her?

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96. Too late, too late. It's dialing... now it's ringing. Shh...

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97. What is wrong with you?

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98. That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question.

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99. This is Andy Bernard!

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100. I wanna take you to sex school.

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