Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 6)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 6 of 40

1. News flash. I got some juicy updates on Operation Fallen Angel. Remind me to tell you later.

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2. Break me off a piece of that lumber tar. Snickers bar.

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3. Break me off a piece of that Grey Poupon.

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4. Let me pour you some bubbly because somebody got to a whole new level last night.

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5. No, no no no, this is good. You know how we haven't really gotten anywhere that I want to get to physically yet? Well, last night, that changed. We're makin' out, I'm kissin' her neck, and cheek and her ear lobe, and she's not really kissing me back. But she closes her eyes and she's like, 'Oh D, oh D.'

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6. Yeah. D for Andy.

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7. Oh D.

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8. Oh D!

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9. Claude Van Damme, Hair for Men, poison gas, NutraSweet. It's gotta rhyme with 'piece.' Fancy Feast! Break me off a piece of that Fancy Feast! It's the cat food. Nailed it.

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10. Totally, I mean, come on, such a free spirit.

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11. Just came to discuss my favorite E.M. Forester novel. Pam, these finger sandwiches look finger-lickin' delicious Pam.

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12. The Finer Things Club is the most exclusive club in this office. Naturally, it's where I need to be. The party planning committee is my back up, and Kevin's band is my safety.

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13. Fine. I'll just sit here, in the common area, and read my book. Which just happens to be the very same book you're reading.

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14. Why can't I be in the club?

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15. So, Stanley, are you really outta here?

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16. I'm gonna miss you man, you've been like an uncle to me. Like a kind old uncle Remus. I wanna stay in touch.

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17. Oh-oh, come on!

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18. And let me just add, that as a member of The Finer Things Club, I would bring a strong financial contribution to any discretionary funds that we may have. Finally, here is a recommendation from former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum.

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19. Mmmhmm.

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20. Dear Andrew Bernard, after carefully examining your application to The Finer Things Club, we are unable to offer you a position at this place and time. We would, however, like to place you on a list in case an opportunity arises when your inclusion can be tolerated. Your position as an ongoing financial patron, however, is yours to cherish. Sincerely, The Finer Things Club. Yeees! I got waitlisted.

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21. I got into Cornell off the Wait List. A lot of people were like, 'Oh, you just got into Cornell because your dad donated a building.' No. Okay. I got into Cornell because I'm smart. I'm smart enough to have a dad who donates buildings to things.

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22. Tuna.

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23. Me likey the ice cream cake, okay? Fudgie the Whale.

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24. Well, I'm just saying, you know, if you want to make people happy, namely me, you will have a Fudgie the Whale.

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25. Wow, OK, harsh. Just don't expect me to show up.

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26. Loud and clear.

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27. Pizza rolls.

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28. Mushroom caps.

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29. I played a lot of pong growing up. I spent a lot of time on cruise ships. I'm also a monster snorkler.

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30. Okay, you know what, this table's not regulation.

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31. Do you know anything about physics?

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32. Just serve. Let's go. Dammit! These balls are weighted weird, aren't they?

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33. Yeah. Get another one.

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34. I don't know! No, okay, just... serve!

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35. Hey-o!

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36. Tuna! What's up Tuna, we having tuna for dinner? I bet you're sick of tuna right? You probably have tuna every night. Tuna! These are for you.

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37. Except for one flower, which is for... my flower.

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38. No it's a... hump. There's a hump.

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39. Okay yes, first name of that animal and the second name is the state where Helena is the capital.

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40. Yes! Yes.

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41. Michael, you're up.

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42. Time!

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43. Thought about it, I'm in.

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44. Yeah it does.

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45. I believe it means mouth pleaser.

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46. It's French. I studied some French during my semester at sea. Or, shall I say a semester at la mer, which is French for 'sea.'

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47. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

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48. Mmm.

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49. I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.

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50. I left my cell phone in my car.

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51. Because of the construction at W.B. Jones, half of us have to park in the satellite lot.

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52. It's like a ten minute walk.

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53. Yes.

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54. OK.

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55. ...So help us out.

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56. We won't let you down.

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57. Uh Michael Scott could not make it today due to an unforeseen prior engagement.

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58. Gentleman please. We called this meeting. Andrew Bernard is the name of me. And this is my associate, Mr. Kevin Malone.

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59. Well first of all, I'd just like to say what an honor it is to be sitting here with you gentlemen.

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60. I did it.

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61. Yeah, there it is. You're welcome.

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62. Did I do this for me? No, I did this for the little guy. For Joe Sixpack. The guy who wakes up every morning in his four hundred dollar a month apartment, wonders how's he gonna pay his mortgage that month. Wonders how he's gonna fill his car up with oil. Wonders how I'm gonna pay my kid's orphanage bills. That guy shouldn't have to wonder where he's gonna park.

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63. Oh yes! Count me in dudes. I am in some serious need of some bro' time. Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately if you know what I'm saying.

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64. Yes, it's Eddie.

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65. By a show of hands, who thinks we're a better couple than Jim and Pam?

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66. Yeah, Pam! Hit me up! Go long. Woo!

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67. Here it is, you should draw a picture...

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68. Cause that says, that says...

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69. So much more than words...

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70. Okay, adjective...

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71. Good one. Okay, you ready?

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72. The tall man entered the nice building to visit a very nice man. 'Sit down, Mr. Smith, can I interest you in any good... cat food?'

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73. What about a cat eating man food?

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74. What if we changed our outgoing answering machine message, so it just had a little more... zing, and a little more pep?

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75. You meet a lot of ladies driving an Xterra, because you pull up to a stoplight, and look over and there's an Xterra next to you. They're always driven by chicks, so there's your icebreaker.

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76. That's a racing stripe.

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77. Mmm, I doubt that very much.

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78. How next to?

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79. I have to pick one of those?

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80. Can you go over those options again?

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81. Well I have the, the blue book value...

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82. Can I think about it?

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83. Let me think about it--

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84. Let me think about it--

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85. I'm thinking about it--

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86. Thinking--

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87. Yeah. All right!

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88. What the hell is this all about? You're flipping my car for profit.

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89. I gave you a deal... based on what you said to me.

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90. Oh no! No, no-no-no-no! My grandfather would be spinning in his urn, if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy. You take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you, sir. I am... totally and completely kidding! Andrew Bernard, Cornell '95.

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91. Oop, got some blisties.

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92. Hit about 1200 balls last night, in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender. It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful.

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93. Giddy up, let's do this.

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94. People assume I'm great at golf. But like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid. So, I used to hang out at the sailing club instead. Got my 'knot' on.

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95. Dammit!

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96. AH! Come on, Tuna!

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97. All right, race to the next hole!

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98. Shortcut! Shortcut! Woah! I fell in the sandtrap!

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99. [trying to pick up a beer bottle with blistered hands, struggles trying to take a drink as everyone watches.]

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100. Count me in!

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