Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 5)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 5 of 40

1. So, how's the view old girl? Oh! There's a cemetery. You think that's affiliated with the hospital, or is it a like a separate feature...

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2. Tuna!

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3. Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office?

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4. Fire guy

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5. Here for what?

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6. We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together?

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7. Mmhmm, sweet, chocolate turtles.

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8. I'll go with you Stanley.

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9. What about cash? With cash you can buy anything you want, including a gift basket, so... it's kind of the best gift ever.

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10. Yes! Cash basket! Nice work Tuna.

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11. Dude, you are so money, but you don't even know it, but you do.

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12. Later man.

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13. Ha! Tuna... Tuna Tuna Tuna.

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14. He has a killer job, he's rich, he smells like what I think Pierce Brosnan probably smells like, he wears really cool rich guy clothes.

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15. So, sorry Tuna but if you don't know why that's awesome... then... you need awesome lessons.

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16. Dah! Come on!

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17. And this is where I will record your sales.

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18. And then I will say something positive, like kudos or job well done.

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19. I can't tell if he's mocking me.

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20. Ehh, can't do that. Really hard for me to let things go.

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21. Thank you.

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22. Yes like a chime or a bell...

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23. Yes!

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24. Twenty seconds to go time.

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25. Okay. We start. As soon as I make... this shot. Aaannnddd go!

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26. Yeah!

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27. Website check please.

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28. Three-oh-five. You my friend are winning handsomely.

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29. You my friend are in a very close second.

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30. Okay, uh why don't you just lay off, lady?

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31. No !

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32. Four! Three! Two! One!

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33. Woo!

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34. After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in it's path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping fifty-two reams.

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35. Fifty-two reams!

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36. Dwight has defeated the computer.

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37. He beat the computer.

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38. What do you think of Angela?

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39. No, not like that, as a woman. W-O-M-A-N.

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40. You hadn't noticed she's a woman?

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41. I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?

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42. Isn't that part of the fun?

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43. She works here too, how is that any different?

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44. Okay.

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45. Are you looking for dinner and a movie? Because you're not going to find it in that box.

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46. Just so happens that I know where you can find it, but again, not in the box.

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47. Angela, are you hearing words that I'm saying?

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48. Hello.

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49. They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then, explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.

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50. Here you are my dear, one thing made of ice.

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51. Yes I will.

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52. Excuse me.

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53. I stole it!

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54. You said your upper back itched.

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55. Look Angela, I know this is weird because we work together, and up until and possibly now I've repulsed you, but I like you.

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56. So, Angela is stubborn as a mule, she's giving off fairly strong vibes that she's not interested.

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57. But do I like her or not, because if I like her, then I can't back down.

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58. Hello, hey hang on a second. Hello, hang on.

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59. If you change your mind, I'll be first in line. Honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me let me know, gonna be around. If you got no place to go, if you're feeling down. If your all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best, and that ain't no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try. Take a chance on me, that's all I ask of you Angela. Take a chance on me.

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60. I don't know yet, I have to call you back.

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61. I'll call you back.

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62. What do you think of Angela? There's just something about her. All that strength and steeliness and righteousness all wrapped up tight and shoved into a tiny little delicate frame.

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63. No. I will not be playing it 'cool' with Angela. Let me tell you a little story. When I was seventeen, I was waitlisted at my number one school. Even though I was a legacy, and I had like a thousand extra-curriculars, mostly drama, madrigals, barbershop club, I was waitlisted. Did I wait, on that list? No, I did not. I busted into the admissions office and I sang them all the reasons they should admit me to the school. And guess what? I. Got. In. And here's the kicker. That school? Cornell.

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64. No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word.

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65. So.

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66. Me. All night. Dreaming about Angela's smoking hot body.

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67. Not from a male perspective. You need to set me up with her, I know she told you that she's looking, and she's totally not responding to my moves.

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68. I have moon-walked past accounting like ten times.

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69. Yeah.

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70. Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain.

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71. Okay, well I come from a line Wasps so long it leads back to Moses.

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72. Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall.

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73. Yeah.

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74. I left a little present for Angela. I think she's going to like it, because I found it outside of Vance Refrigeration all alone, and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her, that they were destined to be together. I got game.

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75. Gentlemen, a word. Look, you guys are my closest friends in this office.

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76. And as such, I come to you...

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77. I am dying of lovesickness and horny-sickness.

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78. I'm talking about Angela, okay? Did you hear what she was saying to Pam the other day?

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79. No can do. I am itching all over with Angela-pox.

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80. Hey, fellas! And... lady.

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81. That's not why I came over. I mean it's a week late, but... I just came over to say hi.

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82. Angela, you like lacrosse?

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83. Scranton U. Varsity's gonna scrimmage the J.V. squad. Should be pretty interesting. J.V. gets really amped.

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84. Yeah.

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85. You wanna go?

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86. Because we could get some food...

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87. Afterwards at the...

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88. Still waiting on that check.

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89. Best ad ever. Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that... I am totally blanking. What is the thing?

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90. What? No, why?

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91. Break me off a piece of that... huh huh huh... br- applesauce.

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92. Break me off a piece of that Chrysler car.

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93. Football cream. Grr!

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94. Hoo hoo hoo-hoo!

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95. It's true, I give a mean backrub. I also do good aromatherapy. Not! You just got 'Nard dogged!

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96. I need some advice. I've been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. But we've been necking, but only necking. Right? Not actually kissing, our mouths, just the neck on neck. It's just like rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together. It's hot, I'm not going to lie to you , but it's a little weird, but you seem like a guy with answers, so how do I fast track this to get to first base?

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97. We'll use code names.

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98. That's not different enough.

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99. Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean, is she hot or-?

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100. Well then maybe we should just use Angela and say she's Sue Grafton. Would anyone notice?

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