thedundies.com

Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 2)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 2 of 40

  1. Hey Kevin.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 11999

  2. Have you lost weight?

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 12001

  3. I know, but you just give off the vide of a guy who's getting thinner.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 12003

  4. You're welcome.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 12005

  5. I'll do it.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 12009

  6. King of hearts.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 12011

  7. That was fantastic.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 12014

  8. It is inspiring to me to watch you navigate these murky waters.

    Season 3 · Episode 8 · Line 12024

  9. I am so horny.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12090

  10. Oh, I think you can, Big Tuna. Tell me about that Indian chick, Kelly. She seems pretty slutty. Good for a romp in the sack.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12092

  11. Oh, and I care why?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12094

  12. Next. How about.... Blondes are more fun. C'mon, trust me on that.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12096

  13. Okay fine. Um. Pam, the receptionist. Paaam. Should I go for it?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12098

  14. Jackpot.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12100

  15. All... righty, let's get started. What is she into?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12107

  16. Are you kidding?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12110

  17. I started the main Frisbee golf club at Cornell. Where I went to college. I live to frolf.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12112

  18. Pam-a-lama-ding-dong. Listen, you're cute. There is no gettin' around it. So... I don't know if you like country music, but I was thinking maybe one of these days we could drive out to a field, crank up some tunes, smoke a few Macanudos... maybe even toss a disk around. Utway ooday ooyay inkthay, Ampay?

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12155

  19. Shh. Think about it. I'll hit you back.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12157

  20. Yeah.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12173

  21. I play the banjo.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12175

  22. You know I can, my man.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12177

  23. I'm gonna go get my banjo out of my car.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12181

  24. Wow. Prison sounds horrible.

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12204

  25. So we've been told, and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong, wait and see, 'cause one day we'll find it, the ainbowray onnectionkay, the lovers, the dreamers, and meeee...

    Season 3 · Episode 9 · Line 12226

  26. Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12272

  27. Michael

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12292

  28. If I may say. She's even prettier that you described her.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12294

  29. Hey, what's the haps?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12385

  30. Umm... I'm number three.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12431

  31. Yeah, but I'm number three.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12433

  32. Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. C'mon, my treat.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12443

  33. That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12445

  34. No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12447

  35. So she looks really hot, so I said, 'You look hotter than usual today.' Thank you. Michael Head of the table.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12458

  36. So she looks at me right, and she goes, 'I'm sorry, don't I even know you?' After a year, a

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12461

  37. No.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12474

  38. Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, we need your help.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12477

  39. I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12479

  40. One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12480

  41. Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12507

  42. You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. Watch, watch, watch, watch. Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12510

  43. This drink...

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12516

  44. Cindy, Cindy.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12543

  45. I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12545

  46. This is great.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12547

  47. Now open your eyes and describe it to me.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12552

  48. They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding!

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12582

  49. What?

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12584

  50. Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12586

  51. My new girlfriend.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12596

  52. Your hands.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12638

  53. I'll use my hands on it.

    Season 3 · Episode 10 · Line 12640

  54. I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12795

  55. Boring. Call me if she rolls over.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12870

  56. Ole ole - ole ole... Ole ole - ole ole. People in the party - hot hot hot

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 12940

  57. I give thanks, mon.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13005

  58. Hey Dwight, I bet I can stack faster than you can.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13070

  59. Oh, yeah? Prove it, champ. You ready?

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13072

  60. One, two, three, go!

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13074

  61. Get out of my way, Jim!

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13076

  62. Dang it.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13080

  63. Those aren't straight. Totally crooked. Totally crooked. You're disqualified.

    Season 3 · Episode 11 · Line 13082

  64. Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13129

  65. Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13134

  66. Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13136

  67. Ph. D. Doctor of Sales.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13138

  68. Well, it is very gracious of you to accept.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13140

  69. Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a... motor... carriage.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13153

  70. He does your laundry?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13159

  71. Bueno.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13170

  72. In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13176

  73. What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13177

  74. Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13179

  75. I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13194

  76. My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13196

  77. Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It's in the Hamptons. My dad's got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest. Also shot a deer once.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13209

  78. Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13211

  79. Oh, man, that is, like, poetry.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13214

  80. I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13216

  81. Ow.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13218

  82. Oh man. Talk about your classic 'Lame dash O.' Do we even want that guy buying our paper?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13220

  83. I... I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13222

  84. I really 'Schruted' it.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13224

  85. Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you 'Schruted' it. I don't know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13226

  86. Hey boss. Got a minute?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13289

  87. I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13291

  88. That's weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That's not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something?

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13293

  89. Oh, doggie.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13303

  90. It sure seems like he is lying.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13332

  91. Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13352

  92. Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy's such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I'm thrilled. So, it's pretty... Hello? Pretty good.

    Season 3 · Episode 12 · Line 13360

  93. Big Turkey.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13367

  94. All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13369

  95. Thank you muchly.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13371

  96. I called it myself. I just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13373

  97. Side note. I'd just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13375

  98. I feel I have a lot to learn from you, even though you're younger and have less experience. So here's to the future... Andy and the Tuna. Andy and the tuna...

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13377

  99. The cost of doing business.

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13380

  100. Was the top salesman...

    Season 3 · Episode 13 · Line 13382