Andy Bernard Quotes from The Office (page 34)

Cornell graduate, a cappella soloist, the Nard Dog.

3,969 quotes · page 34 of 40

1. Well, but it-

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2. I just want you guys not to worry. 'Cause old Andy's gonna be just fine.

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3. No. That is not the deal. Calibrate.

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4. That's not true either! That's also total- Everyone, please relax. I think you're gonna like this surprise guest.

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5. Huh? Hold on.

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6. I just gonna- quick- Hello? Hey, what's the scoop? Are you close? What? No. no, no, no, no, no. You have to come now. Traffic clears? No, next Friday... that's not gonna work. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Damn it! Well, this is not going to be quite as delicious as I wanted, but I do have a very tasty announcement for you guys. Not only am I not a lowly janitor, I am the regional manager once again! Guys, I got my old job back!

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7. I'm not crazy. I convinced David Wallace to give me my job back.

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8. Okay, yes, I see the confusion. I saw David at the fundraiser. He is now a multi-millionaire because he sold his toy vacuum 'Suck It' to the U.S. military.

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9. I- I- Okay, I get how that sounds crazy.

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10. Stop saying my name.

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11. Thank you, Erin.

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12. Erin, come- Come on. You know I've been talking to David Wallace.

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13. Yeah, I know.

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14. What? Thought I heard my name. What? I'm the new manager?

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15. But it's- it is- it is me? Right?

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16. What?

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17. Oh my God!

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18. Wow. From janitor to manager?

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19. That's quite a Cinderella story. From M-O-P to M-V-P.

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20. From total loss to total boss, I mean-

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21. I was so looking forward to that and it did not... go as I thought it would.

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22. Guess I'd better take off these dirty rags. Figure out how to be a manager of this place.

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23. Gosh, I hope so.

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24. Looks like I might get my delicious moment after all.

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25. It would be rude of me not to let you say whatever's on your mind.

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26. No.

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27. Do not bring Shakespeare into this. How dare you play the bard card?

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28. I just want one motherdelicious moment. Is that too much to ask?

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29. If I were to hire you back. If. What do you think you would do well?

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30. All right, you sly bastard. When can you start?

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31. Gymnasts? You're going to seek out uneducated gymnasts?

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32. Mm. Mm-hmm.

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33. Hey! Wow, I thought about this place a lot when I was on solo. Three days on a mountain, it'll change you. The things we think we need. Clocks, yeah right!

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34. What're you still doing here?

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35. You know I had this really funny dream during Outward Bound that you died.

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36. See me in my office later. The new guys, alright. It's Clark and, um'

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37. In Outward Bound it was all about nicknames. They called me Iceman. You will be called Plop.

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38. Cause you're always taking dumps.

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39. Come on, everybody defecates. Relax, Plop. And you will be called Fart cause you fart all the time.

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40. No, Dwight Jr. Infinitely better. You guys look exactly alike. Dwight go stand next to him. This is insane.

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41. Whoa! Mind blown. It's like father and son! Dwight, you cool if we call him Dwight Jr?

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42. Dwight, Jr!

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43. David, outward bound was incredible. I was the best at slack lining, I ate a worm.

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44. Yeah, I gotta go David. Why is Nellie still here?

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45. Mm, then I will make up a cause.

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46. Then forget I just told you that.

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47. Now I know why Michael hated you so much.

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48. I wanted to talk to you about our working relationship this year. It's going to be terrible.

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49. No I'm going to make sure that it is. And if it isn't, I'm going to take immediate action to rectify that. Now, I don't like to throw around the b-word, but I'm going to be a huge bitch to you.

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50. Now this is called slack lining.

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51. I set up the old slack line to teach the office the skills of focus and discipline. Or in the case of certain individuals, the skills of humiliation and looking really dumb.

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52. If you make it all the way across, your confidence will soar. But, if you Toby out, then you'll feel like a real Nellie. How about a hand, screw those guys. Now, these are my actual Outward Bound counselors, Rafe and Feather.

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53. That's me. The powder is for your protection, Feather has permanent athlete's foot. Feather, show them how you dance upon the line of slack.

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54. All right, who's next? Nellie?

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55. Nonsense. Get up here.

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56. Come on. Uh, are you gonna wear your heels?

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57. Ok, sure. There ya go. Atta girl. Hey, alright. Whoa! You suck. Alright, who's next? Darryl?

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58. Dwight Jr? This looks like your speed.

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59. Yeah, come on. Get up here. Just hop on up.

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60. Focus on the horizon. Whoa! Look at this guy.

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61. Hey, yes.

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62. Alright. Let me show you how a real man walks across a flaccid cord.

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63. Ooh! Who ordered the hot apple fail?

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64. Well it's official. Old Dwight is lame and New Dwight is cool.

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65. There are two things that I am passionate about. Recycling and revenge.

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66. Bugh, boring. All she talks about is chores.

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67. Uh, correction, I give to a foundation that teaches homeless children nautical flag signaling. Changes lives.

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68. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for the preservation of nautical flag signaling.

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69. Clark wants to film you in different outfits inside his apartment?

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70. Clark, you and I need to have a little chat. What clothes does Erin need for this news audition?

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71. Really?

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72. Thank god someone here knows what their talking about. I want you to take this credit card, take Erin to the mall and get that stuff.

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73. Awesome. Plop!

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74. Her body. We're gonna talk about her body. Good. Great job.

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75. Erin has an audition to be a newscaster.

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76. Uh-huh. And I want her to feel very comfortable in her very sexy skin. So, everybody say something that you like about her body. All right? Darryl.

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77. Yeah, right?

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78. Yeah.

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79. News flash everyone. The human race finds attractive people more trustworthy.

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80. She's gonna be amazing. Look at her. She's gonna light up the screen.

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81. I love it. It's fantastic. Now, tag it with your name.

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82. Pause after 'news'.

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83. No, pause longer.

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84. Pause, pause longer. OK? Builds suspense. Don't be shy.

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85. Wha, it's-

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86. OK. All right. Great. Some great stuff in there.

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87. Yeah.

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88. All right!

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89. Nice.

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90. Wow. You know what they say Erin. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

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91. He sure did.

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92. Just, you sure Clark?

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93. No, I just, I don't mean Erin. I mean for me. I didn't feel good about that.

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94. I don't think we did get it. I could do, uh, a couple more takes. We could do it in close-up. That might even be better for editing.

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95. All right.

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96. Uh, Pete, you wanna take Erin to get a burger or something?

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97. OK. I'll call you later.

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98. So this is a single.

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99. Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here.

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100. Executive-summary me. Hit the highlights.

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